Superhero to Somebody

I cannot see through walls. I'm no superhero, supervillain, or superanything. I can't bend space-time or invoke magic. I'm no speedster, scarlet or otherwise.

Speeding bullets easily catch me. I can't leap over traffic cones, let alone tall buildings, let alone in single bounds. I could never erect a fortress of solitude nor pay its heating bill.

Evil easily escapes my sight, my lantern's light. Bizarros don't seem particularly bizarre to me — I just do the opposite of what they do. I'm no crusader, caped or otherwise. I'll never be dynamic, in a duo or otherwise.

I'm in no league; I won't avenge; I'm not fantastic. When I look for the Bifröst, I only see an incomplete rainbow. My only X is on my chromosomes.

I don't live in a stately manor, especially one over a cave. I spider bit me once, but all it did was make a carbuncle.

Born under a yellow sun, I am ridiculously vulnerable, penetrable, average, and I have no behavioral escape from my mild mannered ways. I am no fighter by any stretch of the imaginaton — not for truth...

Nor justice...

Nor the American way.

Kryptonite won't affect me. I have no issues with yellow and have never gotten angry enough to turn green. No one wants to doom me. Or vanquish me. Or shrink me. Or atomize me. Or incarcerate me in any type of zone for phantoms. I can't become invisible — everyone sees me coming.

I'm not from the future, and my organism hasn't been tampered with, via genetic modification or otherwise. I never ride the Zeta-Beam to Rann or get unstuck in time in a chronosynclastic infudibulum.

I epitomize the 1954 Comics Code:

1) I shall not invoke "horror" or "terror."

2) I won't participate in scenes of horror, excessive bloodshed, gory or gruesome crimes, depravity, lust, or sad0masochism.

3) All lurid, unsavory, gruesome illustrations shall be excluded from my life (except for some magazines under my bed, which I remove before the cleaning ladies come each week).

My identity's no secret — look me up. My superpowers are superordinariness, vanillatude, and humility. Oh, and I'm in love.