Stillness and Darkness

It was simply stillness and darkness.

The doors flung open, and the light flooded in, illuminating the dust swirling around throughout the barn. Her shadow loomed over the emptiness. She just stood before the doors in silence. The dust began to settle, and she took a deep breath. As she exhaled, she let out a soft sigh and reached out her right foot to take a step. She paused before bringing her foot back.

"I can't do it." She groaned to herself. "It's just a barn, Audrey. It holds no power over you." She turned around and took a few steps away from the barn. But stopped in her tracks. "It's just a barn."

She turned back towards the barn and raised her hand to her lips. She put her perfectly manicured fingers in her mouth as she fought the urge to bite her nails. With a huff she dropped her hands down to her side and took a couple stomps forward but stopped at the threshold.

"It's just a stupid old barn." She fell to the ground and whimpered softly. "So why can't I go in?" A few tears began to roll down her cheeks. "Why can't I take a step forward? Just one." Her whimpers have become faint wails.

"Why can't I move on from you? I am so tired of feeling stuck in place. I just want to move on. But I feel like the shadow of your memory is lingering over me. It is surrounding me, consuming me, suffocating me. God I just want to be able to breathe for one moment. Just one moment… one moment without you." As she sat there before the barn the melancholy in her eyes was replaced with angst and shame.

"How do I move on?" She took a deep breath as she pressed her hands into dirt and hung her head. "I want to move on, I don't want to be scared to walk into a barn for the rest of my life. I want to move past this, I want to let go, but I don't know that I can. How? Please tell me how! Here I am, on my knees pleading and begging that you let me move on." Her tears fell to the ground. "I am just a shell. There is nothing left of me."

Her fingers clutched the dirt. "PLEASE LET ME GO!!" She screamed and her cry echoed into the emptiness.

A few moments passed. She took a deep breath. Audrey then raised her head and stood up.

"I will move on. I don't know how and when, but if it is the last thing I do, I will move on from you." She straightened up and puffed out her chest. "I may not be ready… yet. But I will not let you or the worst moment of my life define me. I am more than that. That night. This barn. I am more. Even when I don't feel like it." She took a deep breath and stepped forwards into the barn. "I AM NOT SCARED DAMNIT!"

Her shadow in the barn grew smaller as she continued to march in. She stopped by a ladder leading up to the loft. She gently placed her hand on one of the rungs. Her fingers ran the outline of a knot in the wood. She slowly looked up towards the loft as her lips began to tremble.

"It's not your fault." She began to rub her hand along the rung of the ladder. "What happened to me was not your fault, and I don't blame you." She scoffed. "Look at me, talking to myself, like a crazy person in a stupid old barn."

She dropped her hand and took a few steps backwards. She let out a deep sigh and turned around. She walked out of the barn and closed two giant barn doors behind her.

Once again leaving only stillness and darkness.