Silens Praesidium
Snow Micro Challenge Entry. Content Warnings.
Drip drop drip
The cold of the drips to his face roused him. Brian woke with screaming from what felt like the worst nighmare he had ever experienced. Hyperventilating, he struggled to focus on the dark and cold surroundings. In fact he could barely move his head. It felt like his neck was firmly strapped down.
Drip
Trying to grab at his neck, he couldn't move his hands more than an inch from his body, as they too were strapped down. His hands felt cold...was it snow he could feel under his palms? Yes. Definitely snow. He scratched at the fresh powder.
Drop
Struggling in vain to break free, his memory of the last couple of days suddenly came back to him. They had grabbed him and threw him into the back of a van. He remembered stumbling through snow as they tapped his back with the tips of their guns to make sure he kept moving.
Drip
He would never give up their location. He wouldn't betray them, not ever. He had been selfish most of his life. But, not this time. They were safe. That was all that mattered.
Drip drop
Drip
In the blurry darkness, he could see very little, but remembered before they knocked him out they had placed him beneath a large block of ice. In that moment he saw her. Beautiful white glowing vision with her satin nightdress. She sat beside him as he drifted in and out of consciousness.
Drip drop drip...
Drip.
About the Creator
Paul Stewart
Award-Winning Writer, Poet, Scottish-Italian, Subversive.
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Comments (13)
This was actually very enjoyable to read, every time it said 'drip' and/or 'drop' I felt gangster for some reason, like, I automatically went into rap mode 'drip drop and he don't stop' haha.... anyways it sounds cold, like he needs a blanket... blanket needing factor?: likely a 10/10. Intensity factor: 5/10, only because of the gansta part took the serious note out for me, that's what I get for listening to rap music growing up
A hero-on-ice. Keeping heroism fresh. Another haunting thought, though, is there anything under that block of ice waiting for him as it melts? A spooky write that has me thinking of thousands of what-ifs. Well done. Thanks for opening my brain to this and leaving the door wide open.
Good. The first sentence needs more punctuation. Glad he is doing one last good deed for his family.
Glad he will be a hero in his own soul before the end
Questions. Lots of them. So he's woken from his worst nightmare to find himself in a living nightmare. He's protecting someone. He's being tortured for information. Woman in satin nightgown - wife. I reckon the ghost of his wife because he hasn't been successful in protecting his lived ones and they are already dead so his suffering is for nothing. He's dying from hypothermia from the cold water and the dripping is making him bananas.
I'm wondering what is in that ice block.
That block of ice reminded me of one of the Saw movies. You mentioned below that this is very dark. So I'm guessing that there's a lot more to this than I realise. Hmmm.
How big is that block of ice & what do they have acting upon it to keep it slowly melting since it must still be below freezing if you can feel snow beneath your bound hands? And what do they want with them? And are them the same as the one he sees? So many questions make for an extremely evocative tale. Well done, Paul.
Silens Praesidium - Latin for Silent Protection. Or is it Silens - elderly rustic spirits and followers of Dionysus? And who is protecting whom? Is he protecting the lady in the satin night gown or is she protecting him? This piece fairly trembles with menace. It should feel utterly hopeless, and yet the protagonist is undefeated and resolute. He appears to care enough about someone to suffer and freeze to death. I for one hunger to know more!
Adventurous to go for a thriller/crime story in this microfiction! Refreshing change.
I really like this! Dark, dirty, mysterious, cold. Beautifully vivid and rich with emotion as well. That title is doing a lot of work --- which I LOVE --- and it made me realize the greater context of the story. Maybe a different country, maybe a different time...maybe. Communist? Soviets? Just corrupt government, no matter which one? Fantastic!
Water torture? Nice!
Author's Notes: Very dark. I am not going to say anymore until some people comment :)