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Shuteye

For the 500-word shockwave challenge

By Caroline CravenPublished 9 months ago 2 min read
Shuteye
Photo by Prince Abid on Unsplash

Of course I don’t actually fall. Not really. But one second, I’m all warm and toasty, ready to sink into oblivion and the next, wham – I’m flying backwards, my arms flailing and clawing at air.

It’s such an odd sensation. Your body jolting, limbs twitching, just as you drift off to sleep. Hypnic jerks. That’s the correct medical term for it. Don’t ask me how I know this or where I’ve dredged up such a useless piece of information. The mind’s weird like that.

Talking about jerks. That bloke behind the bar. What. A. Loser. Giving me a hard time just because I knocked over my wine. Caught my sleeve, that’s all. But he made a big deal of snatching my glass and wiping down the counter.

“That’s enough,” he growled. “You’re cut off.”

You’re cut off, you mean,” I shot back, jabbing my finger in his face.

“You tell him babe,” slurred Layla, bumping my shoulder and cackling in my ear. “Come on. Let’s go. It’s rubbish here anyway.”

We’d stumbled into the high street, Layla’s boyfriend leaning on the horn and yelling from the car window she was late. He’s a jerk too. No way I was getting a lift with them. I’d wrinkled my nose at the taxi line snaking round the block. No chance. Besides, I know the roads so well I probably could’ve driven back with my eyes shut.

Anyway, it was fine. I’m fine. Home safe and sound.

Although come to think of it. I don’t remember hanging my keys on the hook. Christ, I hope I didn’t leave them in the door. I’ve done that before. Staggered downstairs the next morning to find creepy Piers from the house opposite perched on one of my kitchen stools.

“Good night, Jess?” he’d smirked, sliding my keys across the breakfast bar. “You want to be careful. Anyone could’ve let themselves in.”

Creep. There’s no other way he’d get inside my house. It’s not like I’d ever invite him over… Wait. Hush. Footsteps.

They’re close. I hold my breath. It’d better not be Piers again, making a point. Jerk. Although it doesn’t sound like his phony public-school accent. Jesus what if it’s someone else. What if someone’s in my house. God, why didn’t I check the door was locked.

I won’t move; I’ll lie quite still. Keep my eyes closed. Maybe they’ll think I’m out, go away. But the voices are closer now. Louder, urgent. And someone’s rattling the handle, rapping on the door. Christ, they’re right there.

I peep through my fingers, shrieking when a man’s face is just inches from mine. Shaking, I cover my eyes, shielding them from the sea of dazzling blue.

“Step out of the vehicle,” he barks, his breath fogging up the glass.

“What’s going on,” I mumble over the crackle of his radio. “I’ve only just woken up.”

“You plowed through a red light,” he chokes. “Didn’t stop for the woman on the zebra crossing…”

Short Story

About the Creator

Caroline Craven

Scribbler. Dreamer. World class procrastinator.

Reader insights

Outstanding

Excellent work. Looking forward to reading more!

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Comments (24)

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  • Lou Holz9 months ago

    Nailed it! You got me, I didn't see that coming. I really enjoyed reading it, I'm looking forward of reading more of your work! 😊

  • L.C. Schäfer9 months ago

    Oh no! I thought you'd done a Bruce Willis on us, but this is even more horrible 😱😱

  • Oh no I was hoping that wouldn’t be how it ended. Great story Caroline

  • Arshad Ali9 months ago

    Awesome to read

  • Marilyn Glover9 months ago

    Caroline, I had no idea what to expect, and have to say you have quite a knack for crafting an excellent story. Congratulations on your placement of this week's leaderboard and best of luck to you in the challenge. I expect to see your name on the winner's list. 🥰 Hypnic jerks, yep, I am most familiar with- both, sleep-related and bartender losers! LOL 😅

  • Rachel Deeming9 months ago

    I thought I'd read this! Why didn't I leave a comment? Probably interrupted and my peri-menopausal brain just forgot! This was really well evoked, Caroline!

  • Wooohooooo congratulations on your Leaderboard placement! 🎉💖🎊🎉💖🎊

  • Test9 months ago

    I had a feeling it would end that way when she mentioned driving home with her eyes closed!!! Still shocking though!! Congrats on honourable mention for this week's most discussed story!!

  • Wow! ✅Fabulous entry for the challenge! I was definitely shocked & surprised by the ending… extremely realistic!😳😵‍💫

  • JBaz9 months ago

    Probably what it actually feels like for some when this happens. You nailed the feel and false innocence, letting reality hit us like a car driven by a drunk. Excellent entry

  • Euan Brennan9 months ago

    Oh wow, I was expecting her to wake up in hospital. 😲 Took a dark turn there. You wrote this so well, with how she perceived things when intoxicated, and the build up. In the crazy and often sad world we live in, there are so many horrible reports about drunk drivers ending lives.

  • R. B. Booth9 months ago

    Wham. Bam. Thank you… surprise. You nailed this.

  • Pamela Williams9 months ago

    I wasn't expecting the ending! I was invested in the story, and then smash! Great writing.

  • Wow Caroline this is fantastic. The twist is awesome. the ambiance of this whole thing was just enthralling. -r🩵

  • Mother Combs9 months ago

    Well, I sure didn't see that twist coming. <3

  • Lana V Lynx9 months ago

    Oh, f*ck the DUIers of this world. This was a gripping story, Caroline!

  • Oh shit, hope that woman is okay. Also, hypnic jerks, I thought hypnic was a group of people like Hispanic, lol. Loved your story!

  • Andrea Corwin 9 months ago

    Yowza! You got me! Fabulous conversations and great twist, I was in the bedroom, holding my breath.

  • Mark Gagnon9 months ago

    Nice realistic twist of events. Well done!

  • Rob Ayotte9 months ago

    I was sucked in. Really enjoyed it.

  • Joe Patterson9 months ago

    Great ending 😂

  • D.K. Shepard9 months ago

    Oh no! What a cleverly concocted twist! Was very ready for her to wake up in Piers’s basement or something. Definitely hit hard with the drunk driving element! Fantastic work, Caroline!

  • Caroline Jane9 months ago

    Nope. You got me. I did not see that ending coming. The suspense throughout is really well done. Pitched perfectly. Well done!!!

  • Paul Stewart9 months ago

    dammmmmmn, did. not. see. that coming! you did a great job with false ends! great entry, Caroline!

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