No Second Chances

Indigo and Sam had known each other for their entire existence. Their mothers were best friends and Indigo recalled stories of Sam’s mom being upset when she found out she was having a boy. She wanted their children to be best friends too and she was convinced that would never happen. For years, Indigo found it laughable that Mrs. Agnello thought boys and girls could not be best friends. But Indigo finally understood the disappointment when they started high school.

High school was difficult for Indigo. It seemed she was destined for an extended awkward phase while Sam ran with the popular crowd. Her mom said some friendships were only meant to be for seasons, but she had refused to believe that about Sam. Indigo knew that her lifelong friend was still there somewhere.

The friendship did not end abruptly. Their families still spent holidays together and he sometimes came over to sit with her on the old wooden swing set her mom refused to take down. Sometimes it felt like no time had passed and other times, she saw how different he was. He wore his dark hair short on the sides and messy on top to compliment his Ralph Lauren and Tommy Hilfiger polo shirts and expensive jeans and sneakers. Meanwhile, she tried to fly under the radar in her wide legged JNCo’s, graffiti-ed Converse sneakers, and Smashing Pumpkins t-shirts. Her long, auburn hair covered her olive tinted face to avoid making unnecessary eye contact. She knew they still liked the same things, but he was not allowed to show that to his new friends. She also heard someone at school say Sam only spoke to her because their moms were friends. So, she stayed away and focused on her schoolwork. If anything were going to save her from the anxiety of high school, it would be good grades and a scholarship to a top university.

Prior to graduation, she and Sam were tied for valedictorian, and she hated it. This meant people were talking about her and she did not want the spotlight, she just wanted to get away from all the teenage drama. Especially Sam’s girlfriend, Elena. Indigo was not sure why she preyed on her, but it was exhausting. The rumor was that Indigo was obsessed with Sam. She simply missed her friend, but she only shared that with her mom. If anyone else asked her about Sam, she rolled her eyes and changed the subject.

Earlier that year, Indigo was headed to AP Calculus, when Elena purposely shoulder bumped her with enough force to knock her to the ground. Normally, Indigo would have just grabbed her things and continue to class but she was fed-up. She quickly got to her feet, ran behind Elena, and shoved her. Indigo watched as Elena finally took her turn on the crowded floor. Then she stood over her, daring her to get up.

“You’re crazy!” Elena shrieked as her friends fussed over her.

Indigo smirked. “So, you can dish it out, but you can’t take it?”

“No wonder Sam hates you! You’re weird and crazy!”

“Okay, princess.” She mocked. “You better watch who you’re bumping into.”

Then, to Indigo’s surprise, Elena spat on her. It landed on the middle of her brand-new Incubus t-shirt.

Before she could stop herself, Indigo swung her fist and pain shot through her hand as she connected with Elena’s left cheek. She fell to the floor, again, and a gasp went through the crowd in the hallway. Then someone grabbed her shoulder.

“Indigo! What the hell?!”

She turned to see Sam. He looked furious, but she did not care. She had to stand up for herself since no one else cared that she was constantly being terrorized. Indigo shrugged off his hand and turned to faced him.

“Get away from me!” She shouted, shoving him also. “She walks around here treating everyone like shit and you say NOTHING. You’re just as bad as she is!”

“Indi, com’on, this is crazy!” Sam exclaimed.

“Don’t call me that! You don’t get to call me that. Go help your stupid ass girlfriend.”

She started to walk away, but a couple of teachers stopped her. As she was directed to the administrator’s office, she turned to see Sam examining Elena’s face and she felt her heartbeat quicken as she realized this could jeopardize all her hard work.

As the school year went on, Indigo hardly interacted with Sam. He did not speak to her unless it was necessary, and her parents recommended that she lie low to avoid additional conflict. So, Indigo went back to having lunch in the library and hiding in the bathroom until well after the final bell. She was not scared, but another altercation was not optional. Sam was not her friend anymore and he was not worth losing her scholarships. The other students that witnessed the fight corroborated her story of self-defense and she was given another chance. Elena got off easy, but that did not curb her distaste for her. The tension remained thick, but Indigo managed to limit their interactions to places with supervision. It was not without effort though. School was even more tiresome than before, and she was ready for it to end permanently.

When Spring Break arrived, their parents decided a group trip was not in the cards and Indigo was relieved. She was happy to stay home, get ahead on some reading for school, and finally play video games again. But at the end of a relaxing week, the anxiety came crashing back down. So, she took refuge in the backyard, lying on the top platform on the swing set the night before school started again. Staring at the stars and listening to 311 on her Discman, she tried to create a game plan for the coming weeks. There were eight more weeks of school and just as she was contemplating taking her finals early so that she could get out of most of her classes for the final two weeks, she felt something touch her arm, causing her to cry out in surprise.

“What the hell?!” Indigo shouted. “What are you doing back here?”

Sam stood on the ladder leading to the platform. “I saw you from my window. Can I come up?”

She starred at him. “You’re kidding, right?”

He climbed up anyway and Indigo propped herself up on her elbows. It took her a moment to realize he was waiting for her to make room, so she slid over and laid back again. Sam did the same and they stared at the sky. After a few minutes, he broke the silence.

“I’m sorry, Indi. I never expected things to turn out this way.”

Indigo placed her hands on her stomach and rolled her eyes. “What are you talking about? You got everything you wanted.”

Sam sucked his teeth and exhaled loudly. “I sacrificed you for that and I didn’t know how to turn back.”

“You could have tried not being an ass hole and maybe stick up for me with your lame friends.”

“I-I don’t know what happened. I made so many friends playing sports and you just…”

Indigo sat up quickly. “Are you really that shallow? You couldn’t be my friend because I’m not a jock or a cheerleader?”

“Wait!” He grabbed her hand as she moved toward the ladder. “That’s not true, but I want you to know that I’ve missed you. Mom said you decided to go to Brown and you’re starting early. Maybe we can make up some lost time? I know I took you for granted and I’m sorry.”

Indigo stared at him and then sat with her legs folded under her. His eyes were glassy, and she could not decide how to react. She had missed him for almost four years, and she felt tears start to breach her eyelids.

“Now you want to be my friend? I thought we were going to tackle high school together and you left me to drown. Then I spent the last 8 months hiding from your stupid girlfriend to avoid getting expelled. She spat on me, and you chose to chastise me in front of everyone.”

“Honestly, I was surprised by your reaction. She deserved it, but that’s not you.”

She shook her head. “She can’t bully people and expect them to be passive forever. She’s lucky that’s all she got.”

Sam chuckled. “Well, I broke up with her yesterday.”

Indigo paused. “Why?”

“I realized I can’t be with her and be your friend. I guess I finally came to my senses.”

Shocked, Indigo stared until he motioned for her to lie down again. She gave him a wary look but obliged and they talked late into the night.

After graduation, their friends and families gathered in the Agnello’s backyard to celebrate, but Indigo retired early to the swing set, needing relief from over-stimulation. Knowing exactly where to find her, Sam came over later to gloat about being valedictorian, again, and they chatted for a while. It was a solemn conversation, ending with his departure to hang out with his other friends. But he stopped before passing through the wooden gate.

“Indi?”

Indigo looked up from her purple Converse. “Hmm?”

“I love you. I’ve always been scared to tell you, but I’m not anymore.”

He left without saying anything else. Stunned, she stared at the closing gate, and she was left trying to decide if she felt the same.

Around 2:00 am the house phone rang, and Indigo’s eyes snapped open. Not recognizing number on the Caller ID, she pretended to be asleep, but her mother burst into the room a few minutes later.

“Indi! Get up! Sam was in an accident.”

Indigo felt like she was in a twilight zone as they drove to the hospital. When they arrived, Sam was still in emergency surgery, so she sat in a waiting room chair listening to his mom cry and their dads’ whispering about the extent of Sam’s injuries. She knew what was happening, but she refused to acknowledge it until her parents walked her to his room a few hours later.

When they arrived at a frosted glass door, she knew a different version of Sam was on the other side.

“He’s in bad shape, baby.” Her dad said quietly. “Be prepared.”

She took a deep breath, and he kissed her forehead before they opened the door. When she walked in, Sam was awake.

Her eyes grew wide. “You’re awake?”

“For now,” he rasped.

Indigo cringed and traced a bandage on his wrist, trying to concentrate on her black nail polish and not his visible, traumatic injuries.

“You know what, Indi?”

Her lips quivered. “Hmm?”

“Mom was right. We don’t always get second chances,” he mumbled.

Indigo felt tears slide down her cheeks. He was bruised and battered beyond recognition, and she knew he could not feel her hand on his, but she held it anyway.

“Just promise me you will do all the things we dreamed about. College, travel, the lake house, and…just be authentic. I love that you never strayed from your true self.”

She could only sniffle and nod.

“Find someone that deserves you. You’re…worth…all of…it.”

“Sam, I-” Indigo choked on her tears.

He spoke slowly. “You’ll be fine, Indi. I promise. I’m just sorry I wasted so much time.”

She watched as he slowly closed his eyes, and a moment later the thin green line on the monitor next to his bed flattened. The screen screamed and flashed like a green beacon, signaling the start of a pain from which she would never recover. Indigo fell to her knees and sobbed. A moment later she felt herself being lifted from the floor and taken from the room.

If she had known the end of high school meant not having Sam, she never would have wished so hard.