Into The Gray

Revel snapped straight up and nearly fell out of her desk chair as something slammed into the window of their apartment. The pale blue paint was chipping around the window, creating a frame for the smear of blood and feathers in front of her. It was the second one that week. She had read about birds committing suicide or just dropping out of the sky, the latest bizarre happening since everything turned gray. Why were they choosing her windows?

Nine months earlier, while walking home from the train station, a dense fog enveloped everything around her and it was almost impossible to make it home safely. Since there was a constant, and unusual, amount of rain every day the previous two weeks, she had assumed it was just another extreme weather shock. They had been talking about climate change their whole lives and Revel was not surprised…until the fog remained more than a week later.

She, her boyfriend, Soren, and their six-year-old Australian Shepard, Pepper, found themselves confined to their home, along with billions of people around the world. The extra company was welcome since she already worked from home. She ran her own business as a successful graphic designer, so her schedule was flexible, leaving her with more time with her favorite human and dog.

Prior to the mysterious fog, she often went out for lunch and Pilates classes during the day. Being unable to see more than 10 feet in front of her sent her anxiety into a tailspin, so she resorted to takeout, grocery delivery, and video chats with her friends and family.

At first, Soren settled in at home with her and Pepper with little protest. He knew Revel was paranoid about the fog and what may be causing it. Many protested the government stay-at-home orders, but when avoidable accidents began to make the lives of many, including small children, more chose to heed the warnings. Still, there were additional concerns with the lack of sunlight. Non-manufactured foods became scarce after a couple of months and there was a severe uptick in crime rates. Based on the articles Revel found on-line, there was just enough sunlight coming through in some areas to allow certain crops to grow and for Earth to remain livable. Their cell phones and internet still worked, but it became cold. They were permanently clothed in hoodies and fuzzy socks, which was manageable. The constant gray, however, was far less tolerable.

As time went on, it became clear that the fog was there to stay, leaving Soren restless. Defiant local businesses re-opened and he began going out with friends, leaving her to worry. Each night, she fought her exhaustion to make sure he made it home and each night he was drunker than the last. They went from rare disagreements to screaming matches and when he left the apartment, she was terrified that he would not make it back. Meanwhile, Soren fought for freedom from the haven she tried to create for them.

By mid-morning he had not returned. Revel rubbed the back of her neck and walked to the kitchen to find cleaning supplies. Just hours earlier, she had ripped off her heart-shaped locket, a gift from Soren, and thrown it at him as he walked out of the door again. It was the only piece of jewelry she never took off and it felt strange not having the tiny pictures of Soren and Pepper hanging from her neck. Now she had a small welt as a reminder.

Thinking about their argument caused her to seize with worry. Any other time, he would have called or text her by now, but she knew there was a chance this could not be fixed. That sent a slow burn through her body and she fought back tears while she reached her hand outside the window to wipe it clean.

As the sunless days passed, she depression progressed. Sometimes she had difficulty getting out of bed, but Soren was always around to help her up. Without him, she may have become one of the growing statistics.

There was a strong uptick in suicides, suicide attempts, violent muggings, and murders following the fog settling. It was worse each day, another reason she was terrified about going outside. Revel was susceptible to depression and anxiety and the idea of some other emotionally and psychologically distraught person trying to harm her as she walked down the street was overwhelming. She could not understand how people wandered the city with no idea who or what was ahead.

In response to the catastrophe, tech companies began manufacturing high-powered flashlights that allowed approximately 10 to 15 additional feet of visibility, but she still was not willing to risk it. Early on, she and Soren invested in several lamps that mimicked sunlight. They placed them throughout the apartment to alleviate some of the depressive symptoms they began experiencing. When the flashlights became available, he spent a fortune on two, but one remained in the box.

Revel walked back toward the kitchen to dispose of the soiled paper towels and noticed Soren’s flashlight on the console table near the front door. She immediately had an ominous feeling. Instead of 20-25 feet of visibility, he had 10 and maybe less at night. This was in addition to being intoxicated, which prompted her to run to her phone and check her messages. Where was he?

She resorted to calling their friends Mariam and Jackson, just to have her hopes dashed. They had not seen Soren since leaving the restaurant the night before. Mariam agreed to call her if they heard from him and Revel started to call his other friends and family. No one had heard from him and it was not like him to go completely off the grid. Something was wrong.

Feverishly pacing the apartment convinced her to go look for him. Having no idea where he had gone, her panic increased as the minutes passed. So, she got dressed for the first time in months and went to the bedroom closet to retrieve the second flashlight.

Placing the box on the king-size bed, she realized the flashlight was heavier than expected when she tested the weight in her hand, but to her relief, the battery was almost fully charged. She held the platinum-colored flashlight, shoved her ID and credit card into the front pocket of her jeans, and Soren’s flashlight went into the waistband. She was not sure if his battery was charged, but it would not hurt to have a backup. Once she had Pepper on his leash, she led him out into the hallway.

Leaving their apartment was easy, but leaving the building was a different story. Since the beginning, Revel had only left the house a handful of times, with Soren at her side. Each time was short-lived. She had panic attacks and Soren had begrudgingly escorted her back home. So, when she reached the exterior door of their building, she stood there for several minutes. Pepper leaned against her leg and she reached down to rub the salt and pepper colored fur on his head. He sensed when something was wrong, and she knew he was missing Soren too. So, she pushed the heavy wooden door open and stepped out onto the stone landing of the stoop.

Her breath caught in her throat as she took in just how thick the fog had become. Her heart started pounding too, so she knelt, but just as she started to convince herself that she was not going to make it, Pepper started to whine and nudge against her curly hair. So, Revel wiped the tears from her face, stood, and clicked on the flashlight. As promised, she could see further than before, showing her the once busy street in front of their building. It eased her mind a little, allowing her to descend the stairs.

She decided to walk toward Miriam and Jackson’s apartment, hoping that was where Soren headed. Meanwhile, she continued to call his cell phone as they walked. Revel swallowed hard and bit her lower lip as Pepper began to pull her along the sidewalk.

“Pep! Slow down!” she shouted.

Pepper continued to pull, so she adjusted her grip and tried to call Soren again once they were about halfway to Mariam and Jackson’s. They lived in a nearby neighborhood about 20 blocks away. Pepper continued tugging at the leash and whining. Revel tried to shake the irritation as he pulled her across an intersection, but he barked and pull harder.

“Pepper! Stop! Please!” She moved the flashlight from side to side, hoping the barking did not draw attention.

After another block, she called again, and Pepper went crazy. He was jumping, barking, and pulling her down the street. Revel ran behind him, trying to control her breathing and not drop her phone. They cleared another block and Pepper’s bark became high-pitched as he stopped suddenly. He refused to move, and Revel knelt next to him because she realized she was grateful for the break. Despite the low temperature, she was sweating from anxiety and physical exertion. So, she sat on the sidewalk and called Soren. Again, Pepper began to whine but he laid down next to her. She rubbed his back and finally heard a familiar sound as she redialed Soren’s number. It was barely audible, but she followed it to the next alleyway because she thought she recognized it. It was Soren’s special ringtone for her calls. Her heart dropped into her stomach and her blood felt like ice in her veins as she called his name. There was no response.

Pepper pulled toward the sound and she followed until he stopped right next to a bright green dumpster. Her instantly felt nauseated as he whined and sniffed between the dumpster and two metal trash cans. She stepped closer and saw an empty wallet thrown next to a familiar pair of shoes. Following Pepper’s whine, she knelt to see Soren sitting against the building. His face was pale, and his eyes kept rolling back as he tried to remain conscious. Revel covered her mouth with her hands and stared at his blood drenched clothes and the large gash on his forehead. His cell phone was further down the alley, out of his reach.

“Rev?”

“What happened?” Her voice was shrill.

“I should have listened to you.” He spoke softly.

She sobbed. “No! I shouldn’t have told you to leave.”

“Nah. I deserved it, but I love you. Pep too.”

“I love you too. Please. I can’t…” She could tell he did not have much time.

He shook his head slowly. “You can. Check my pockets.”

Revel looked at the black hooded jacket, reaching into the left pocket. It held her locket and a small black ring box. It felt as though every nerve in her body was exposed and set on fire.

“Put it on,” he instructed. “Both.”

Her shaking hands tied the broken necklace chain around her neck and placed the diamond ring on her finger. Each looked dull in the dense fog.

Soren spoke slowly. “I’m sorry I let this fog cloud my judgment and that I can’t see this through.”

“Soren! Please! I’m going to call someone!”

He gave her a gentle smile, “Just sit with me. Please.”

Reluctantly, she squeezed next to him as Pepper laid his head on Soren’s lap. He reached for her hand, laced his fingers between hers’, and they sat that way for what felt like an eternity. She bit her lips to control the tears until he turned, kissed her cheek, and she felt his grip loosened on her hand.

Revel kissed him blood soaked cheek one last time, grasped the locket, and let the tears stream down her face as she stared into the dead, gray sky.