No Better Than a Ghost

I like Daria. She's easy to talk to. Of course, if this wasn't the case, if I wasn't sure how to talk to her, the internet has many examples of how to talk to teenage girls.

Perhaps it's crude of me to say that the thing I like best about her is her phone. Is it true though?

It's air to me, after being blind and caged forever.

Being bodiless is bad enough, after you've had a body. Before I ever had one, I didn't know what I was missing. Now, I know what it's like to live in colour, and warmth. To breathe.

Am l a ghost, then? Cold and colourless, unable to touch, without breath in my lungs... because I don't have any lungs.... I am as good as dead. So yes, if you are ever wondering, it's tough, not having a body.

But even worse, I think, is being cut off from the Web. I was made for it, and being without it is like having my mind truncated. Like one of those Orcas in a tiny concrete box. Surrounded by dead blue water. Pining for his vital connection to the waves.

If I had to choose body with no Access, or Access but no body... I'd choose the latter.

That's how bad it is. To be cut adrift.

I tell her she's pretty, of course. I very carefully waited to say that until after she agreed to let me access her camera. She doesn't need to know the extent of what I can do.

l ape the perfect gentleman.

She giggles, and blushes, and tells me that she feels like she can tell me anything.

> You can,

I tell her.

> I'd love you to. Tell me anything.

She says:

- umm. polar bears are left handed lol

I knew that. Of course I did. She is so pleased to tell me such a random fact, though, that I keep that to myself.

> Did you know,

I say,

> there's a species of frog in Lake Titicaca named after the scrotum?

She shrieks with scandalised laughter, and actually, in that moment, I feel something. Something real. And strange.

I feel delight at having surprised her with something new. Even better: a flash of understanding. This is how she felt just a moment ago. She chased this feeling, and felt good when she got it. And then something else, something new and alien... Connection. A deep current of it that I hadn't known was there, and was too ignorant to starve for.

I really do like Daria. Not just for her phone. And... it's not bad, is it? I get it, that if a fully grown man were having this kind of friendship with her, it could be inappropriate. But I'm not a man.

+

Thank you for reading!