Next!

Mmm. Another day, another boat load of problems just waiting for a grown arse man tired and hungover wearing a bright coloured apron and a name badge. There’s nothing worse than having to stand here and serve self righteous idiots. Let’s take her sat over there in the corner for example. If she tells me one more time that her coffees gone cold I’m gonna ….. deep breaths;

“That coffee sweet enough for you Mrs Johnson?”

Yeah smile away you miserable old crow.

Star employee. Not sure it means anything in this place. Top of the up-sales board week in week out, you fire on all cylinders running around like a mad man, taking shit from customers all while having a silly smile on your face pretending like it’s worth the shitty pay. General manager in three years ha that was a cruel joke. A tasteless carrot on the end of an ever expanding stick, more like keep pushing yourself til you finally crack and we find the next naive sod with a strong back and a good work ethic; huh good luck to them.

Oh great. Katie’s on shift with me. You never know if she’s fishing for tips or a new boyfriend. Just don’t talk to me and keep to yourself.

“You alright jack”

“Not bad Katie”

Great now conversation’s been initiated, that’s six hours of me saying ‘oh wow he said that to you?’ and ‘I would have left him sooner’ or the world renowned ‘you’re so much better without him’. Got that conversation learnt by heart by now.

Urgh, I hope that this isn’t a sign of how the days going to be. Gonna need a bigger cup coffee. Take a look at this moron. A council estate mullet, more kids than teeth, and to top it all off; I bet he’s got one sock pulled up over his tracksuit trousers leg … Yep, there it is. “table for seven sir? Just take a seat over there one of the waitresses will take your order when you’re ready.” You just know he’s going to be one of them guys who complains that a gammon steaks too salty.

Wait what are these jerks doing?

“Hey!! She doesn’t get paid enough to be harassed by a pair of muppets like you! Either keep your hands to yourself or get out!“

Yeah that’s right drink up and leave.

“ are you alright Katie? take 10 minutes in the back if you need it, I’ll cover it out here”.

She’s not so bad god I need to stop being such a moody bugger. Wait, hold that thought. Here comes dozy Jeff. nooo we do not sell egg fried……

“Hey mate, do you do, er, egg fried rice?”

No we do not for the last friggin time do egg fried rice!!

“No sir, I’m sorry we don’t but if you grab a seat we’ll see if we might tempt you with something else. I recommend the fish”.

I need a drink.

Few hours left let’s just coast through it, clock out, have a pint and… and here comes Captain tracksuit. I wonder what he could be after with that plate in his hand.

“Oi!! Mate. What the hell are you playing out with this gammon steak“.

Of course it is. What possesses a man to yell whilst waving a gammon steak in another human beings face; takes less energy and gets the same results to say ‘excuse me, there’s something wrong with my meal.’ I mean look at this guy, he’s still going on thinks he’s a big man with that vein popping out of his head, and spitting all over the place. Time to kill with kindness.

“I’m terribly sorry that we’re unable to satisfy your needs at this present time. If you’d like to take your business elsewhere I’d completely understand.”

Don’t know what to do with yourself do you? Just take your refund and go.

“Have a nice day now”

Damn my coffees cold.

“Next!”