Never Be Cold Again

Dearest, Mother,

I can't believe it! We've set sail for our journey back to America on this wonderful ship the Titanic! How absolutely thrilled I am that Uncle Harry gifted me with my return onboard this vessel. It is the most amazing ship ever created if you ask the likes of me. We left Southampton on April 10th and sailed to Cherbourg, France and from there sailed on to Queenstown, Ireland, where I am sending this letter to you. I've visited two other countries in two days! Just the thought of that has me tickled! Oh, how I wish you were here with me to enjoy this amazing adventure. The ship is so beautiful and the people are beautiful as well! I can not help but to exclaim everything I'm writing because I am just in awe of everything around me. The service on the ship is unsurpassed and while I will love every moment of my voyage I am so looking forward to our reunion for I have missed you so and can not wait to throw my arms around you. Until then I remain,

Your loving daughter,

Maria

After I penned my mother that letter I took a walk around the deck taking in all the sights and sounds of this grand journey that I was embarking on. I met a few people who were just as elated as I to be on board and sailing for America. I told them how my only other wish would be to have my mother there beside me experiencing all the splendor and glory of this great ship. It has been three months since I have seen her, for I went to visit my relatives in England as a gift, because I had been accepted into the Bradford Academy to further my education and I would have very little time for visits abroad while I dedicated myself to that. I have aspirations to be a doctor and, no matter what the pitfalls, I shall give my all to achieve that goal. I love caring for people and helping in any way I can. But, for now, I am going to enjoy my time with my fellow passengers on board this wonderful ship!

We seem to be going at a good clip and I can't help but look out into the vastness of the ocean and although this ship is incredibly large I could not help but feel tiny amongst the vast greatness of the open ocean. Everything has been smooth, and a sense of being embraced by all that is good has encompassed me and many I've spoken with on board. There seems to be a tinge of coldness to the air on the third day aboard, I assume we're coming into more frigid waters.

When I awoke April 14th, I decided I would have breakfast in the dining room and take a stroll around the deck as I had the previous days. I did notice there was a lot of ice in the water we were traveling through and I asked one of the deck hands if he could tell me where we were. He told me we were approaching Newfoundland, Canada! Oh! We are close to home! It was hard to contain my excitement as I mentioned to him that there seemed to be a lot of ice on the surface of the water, when lo and behold I saw in the distance an actual iceberg! It was so large and I remained on deck until we sped past it, marveling at how massive it was!

After dinner I felt as though I was coming down with something. I figured I had stood too long on the deck in the ever chilling air and decided I would retire to bed early. The beds on the ship were most comfortable and I would like nothing more than to curl up with a book and head off to sleep knowing we were coming ever closer to home and mother. I fell asleep within the hour and was jolted awake as someone banged on my door announcing everyone must get up to the top deck immediately. I jumped our of bed and threw on my robe as I ran to the door to ask the meaning of this. I threw the door open and asked of the man going down the corridor, What, pray tell, is going on? I am a woman alone in my night clothes!" He shouted back to me over his shoulder words that will ring in my ears forever, "The ship is sinking!" I squealed aloud and ran back into the room to hurriedly dress and put my winter coat on. I ran to the door and looked back into the room, one last time. Perhaps, it is just cautionary and I will be able to come back and get my things.

I ran with all of my might towards the stairs that would lead up to the deck. Others were running with me as well and we all got to the deck safely where we saw the commotion of the deck hands readying the lifeboats. I turned to a man standing beside me and asked if we truly are going to have to get in those little boats in this huge ocean. He assured me that was the case and that was the only way to survive the horrible truth that the R.M.S. Titanic was sinking. I noticed many lifeboats in the water already and worried if there was going to be enough for me to join. I saw several other women who were elderly and others with children that I most assuredly would see onto the boats before myself. I dove in and helped herd people to the boats and unbelievable sweating while I helped everyone into the boats. Children were screaming and crying, men were yelling to their women, "I love you and will see you soon!" The women were screaming for their men to join them, but they were not permitted on the boats that first went out. Horrifyingly, unfilled boats that were being lowered into the water. I ran to the other side of the deck to help them load passengers and felt a great shift in the ship itself.

A man tried to lift me into the lifeboat, but I saw an older gentleman fall to the deck, clutching his heart. I ran to him and asked if he felt he could stand and told him he must get into the lifeboat. I helped him stand and took him to the last spot on the life boat thinking if help came soon he would be able to get immediate care for what was ailing him. Another shift in the boat and a huge jolt knocking me sideways into the deck rail. I watched the last lifeboat lowered into the water and thought of my dear mother. I whispered to her I will do my best to survive and with that though another great snap and the next I knew, I was in the water as well.

I cannot believe how cold the water is even though I had been sweating profusely when I entered it. I realize the ship is sinking to the depths so I try to swim as fast and hard as I can to get away from it and not be pulled down to the depths with it. It's so very hard to swim with this coat on and I was wishing I had removed it and ironically giggled because why would I think of removing my coat since I never intended to be in the water. I continue to kick my legs and I do put a bit of distance between myself and the ship but as the ship goes under, I do as well. Oh dear God, I am going to drown and my mother will never see me again. She will be heartbroken and my brother will have to care for her, were the thoughts going through my head as I mustered all of my strength and kicked ferociously, praying to get back to the surface. As the last bit of air rushed out of my lungs my head broke the surface and I drew in a huge breath. "I made it!" I yelled out loud and looked around me. There was debris everywhere and I felt my legs tiring I grabbed a chair that floated by and held on for dear life, still trying to kick my legs to keep my blood circulating as the cold tried to set in.

I kicked towards where I saw the lifeboats and hoped I could get to pull me in but the harder I tried to get to it, the further it seemed to go. Oh, I'm getting really cold now and it's getting very hard for me to keep my legs moving. Once I'm through this I am moving to some place warm and I am never going to be cold again! My body feels like it weighs a thousand pounds and will drag me to the bottom of the ocean were it not for this chair that somehow is keeping my head above water. I still see activity over by the lifeboats and still, by sheer willpower, continue to head towards them. It seems I have been swimming for hours. Thoughts of seeing my mother and loved ones pass through my head as I remember all the wonderful moments, we all had laughing and crying and keeping each other throughout the years. What a blessed life I have lived and although I had lost my father very young my mother raised me and my brother wonderfully with all the love a mother can have and made me, as a person, loving and caring and hardworking with determination to succeed as I willed myself to do now in the frigid waters.

I smiled at the memories and continued to kick my legs. I see another ship and a boat is coming towards me! I try to kick my legs harder but they are now refusing to move. I see a hand come down towards me and I reach up and grab it hungrily, I am going to make it! The man grabs me under both arms and, with such strength, pulls me out of the water and throws me into the boat. He throws a blanket over me and turns me over. I look into his eyes and whisper thank you. He puts his ear near my mouth for it was not working properly and I say, "My name is Maria Coxwold and I'm glad my mother wasn't here. I love her so much" He nods at me and I try to smile. It's so nice to be out of the water and I'm so happy I'm not cold anymore. We row to the other ship and once aboard, I lay down and close my eyes, dreaming of the homecoming we all will have.

I had learned I was on the ship Carpathia and three days after I was pulled from the water we arrived, in New York. It was dark outside and as commotion began around me, my heart gives a leap because I hear her! My mother yelling my name! "Maria! Maria Coxwold!" What a wonderful sound to hear! I'm here mother! Right here! My rescuer yells to mother, Maria Coxwold is here! And my mother's voice is suddenly right next to me! I hear the man who pulled me from the water say, "I am sorry, I tried everything to keep her warm and revived but she succumbed to hypothermia as soon as she was out of the water. My mother looks at him horrified and begins shaking as she drops to her knees beside me. My rescuer speaks, "She was able to tell me before she closed her eyes that she was glad you weren't there and she loves you so much." And a letter written from the coast of Ireland is never delivered.