Name Me King

The Great Hall is dim except for the fire glowing from the oil lamps. Knights and nobles woo dance as musicians play their flutes. Roasted mutton, fried venison, and meat pottage lay next to cooked fruits and vegetables on the long table. Patches the Fool makes goofy faces in tight pumpkin stripe breeches. Queen Chantelle wipes claret wine off her chin, nearly falling out of her chair with laughter. King Samuel is nowhere in sight, probably playing dice with the servants.

Prince Elijah didn't want to marry Ebony of Asarus, but his parents forced him into marriage like the clergy pushed Christianity on the kingdom.

Ebony tries to rub Elijah's arm, but he pulls away. She is a child, he thought. A petite peasant girl from Asarus who is big enough to ride only a pony into battle. Failing to grab the Prince’s attention, Her attention is drawn back to the performers.

In the land of Asarus, there are no feasts, no castles, only squalor. Serfs killing each other over crumbs left behind by the nobles. Ebony's father, King Jerome, lost a game of cross and pile to Elijah's father, King Samuel. Since Jerome didn't have any money, the only thing he could wager was his daughter.

"Why do you pull away?"

"This marriage is bullshit."

"Well, damn."

"I'm twenty-three, and you're thirteen. I should be hanged."

"This is the Middle Ages." Ebony guzzles her bowl of pottage. "Husbands are supposed to be older than their wives."

"First of all, no one calls it the Middle Ages. It's called the Medieval Period. Second of all, who made that rule, God or the devil? I can adopt you, but I'm not marrying you. This shit is wrong."

"Your parents seem to think otherwise."

"Yeah, well, fuck them."

King Samuel finally reappears and interrupts the feast. Raising his wooden tankard in the air, sweat trickles underneath his crown.

"We are gathered here to commemorate this love between Prince Elijah and Princess Ebony of Asarus. Elijah, when your mother first told me she was pregnant, I demanded an abortion, I admit. But an angel visited me in a dream and said, 'Samuel, don't do it!' so we had the child." He pauses as if he forgets his speech. "Well, to my son, Elijah, the apple of my eye, and the future king of Iwubia, cheers!" King Samuel chugs his beer, then tongue kisses Queen Chantelle, knocking food off the table in the process.

Elijah puts his head down. Ebony leans over to kiss him, but he stiff-arms her.

Everyone begins to eat, but Elijah pushes his plate away. Suddenly, his father and mother stand up. King Samuel gags like he's trying to speak while Queen Chantelle coughs as her face changes color. Elijah rushes over to them, but their bodies drop, blood oozing from their mouths onto the ground by the time he does. He silently weeps as he clutches their limp bodies.

The Great Hall falls silent.

†††

Elijah's riding horse Tami slowly trots through the evergreen trees of the Deadwater forest. The tree’s buttress roots stretch across the land like slithering snakes. Sunlight slices through the canopies beaming off Elijah's sword. Ahead, a clearing reveals the stone cottage where the greenery abruptly stops. Dead plants and trees border the cottage. The fragrance in the air is sweet, like apple tarts.

Tami neighs, her nostrils flaring as the Prince ties her to a tree. "Shh, shh, it's okay girl." Elijah rubs her head before walking over to the cottage.

Taking a deep breath, the door opens by itself before he can knock. Inside, dusty wood floors creak with each step, and besom brooms tilt against the wall. Numerous children with dirt-covered faces lumber about the room like little zombies.

Regina sits at a table with her back turned. Her thin white hair matches the cobwebs in the window. "Hey, baby. I brought you some flowers. Marigolds, your favorite!"

Elijah met Regina while out for a stroll and stumbling across a coven of naked witches twerking in front of a firepit. Regina claimed to be over two hundred years old, but she didn't look a day over twenty-five to Elijah. She placed a hex on him, but Elijah decided to keep sleeping with her anyway, even after the hex wore off.

"The nerve of your black ass!" Regina turns around. Her bloodshot eyes scan him.

The flowers burst into flames forcing Elijah to drop them. He stomps them out as they turn to ash. "What did I do?"

"You said you would make me queen."

"I will."

"And when will that shit happen? I sit in this musty ass pillar all day while you sleep in your castle. You come here every blue moon with a few shillings like that's supposed to do something!"

Elijah sits down next to her. "I'm grieving right now. My parents just died a week ago."

"And? You poisoned them!"

Elijah gets up and hurls his chair against the wall. "I had to!" He tries to block the thought of his parents. "I had no other option. It was either that, or I just leave. Where was I supposed to go? I've been living in royalty since I was a kid. I couldn't lose that."

"I thought you'd be relieved."

"I am. Now I don't have to marry Ebony, and I can control my own destiny. I just don't know if I'm ready to be King."

"I'm sure you will figure it out." Regina snaps her finger, and the broken chair reassembles itself. "Children, bring King Elijah some water."

"Who are these kids, anyway?"

"Oh, just some volunteers from the nearby villages."

"You kidnapped them?"

"No, they came here of their own free will."

"You're not going to eat them, are you?" Elijah notices the children stop and look at each other.

"What?" Regina lets out a nervous chuckle. "No, come on. They're just here to help me clean the place up."

"Hmm, okay."

"Let's leave the children. I have something I want to show you." Regina grabs Elijah's hand.

After clapping the witch's cheeks, Elijah departs as the dawn turns to dusk. Outside, he goes to find Tami, but she is gone. Her rope lay on the ground. Elijah begins to journey into the forest, but it starts to become apparent. "I can't believe this shit. Somebody stole my damn horse!"

†††

"You're telling me the Simor Kingdom kidnapped Tami." Elijah sits on the throne as Lord Byron stands before him.

"Yes, your Majesty. The Pura Kingdom also claims your father owes them over four thousand shillings." Lord Byron's shoes are pointy like daggers. He paces back and forth.

"Well, give them the money."

"You don't understand. Iwubia doesn't have any money." Byron hands him a piece of parchment. "Your father gambled it all away."

"So we ain't got no money." Elijah always knew his father had gambling problems, but he didn't know it was this bad. "Why didn't you tell me we were broke at the funeral? We hired Madam Mariah to sing. That shit wasn't cheap. Look, do you have any good news?"

"Well. . . the clergy is demanding money for the church as well."

"I said good news." Elijah sips some ale to calm himself. "Money for what?"

"They want a bigger church."

"God can't fit into the church they got right now." Elijah shakes his head. "That's why I'm an atheist."

"Your Majesty, you shouldn't say that." Lord Byron frowns at him. "The prostitutes of Iwubia want money as well."

"You don't have to say 'of Iwubia,' just say prostitutes. Let’s take a break."

Lord Byron leaves the throne room as Elijah tries to brainstorm a way to fix this. I could sell land to the other kingdoms to get out of debt, he thought. Then, another idea crosses his mind, maybe he could just disappear, abandon the kingdom, and change his name to something cool like "Denzel the Mysterious." Before he could think further, Ebony storms in. Elijah closes his eyes. "Not today, please. This is my first day on the throne."

"You said you would make me queen!"

"I never said that. My parents told you that, and since they're no longer with us, that ain't happening."

"You son of a bitch." Ebony tosses a half-eaten apple at him.

"Well, my mother could be one sometimes."

"Wait till I tell my father." She turns to leave but stops. "Oh, the forest animals told me they saw you the other day visiting some old wench."

"The forest animals. Bitch, you out here talking to squirrels and rabbits? You done lost your mind."

"I can't believe you would cheat on me."

"Cheat on who? We are not together. You are a child, and I am a grown-ass man. Now, leave my throne room before I have you catapulted."

"You ain’t going to do shit. I saw you pour liquid into your parent's cups the night of the feast, you murderer!"

"Blasphemy, be gone hoe!" Elijah sees that Ebony won't budge. "You think I'm playing? Guards!"

Knights in black plate armor appear. "Catapult her in the river."

"Your Majesty, we've never catapulted a person before. We don't even know how to use it properly." Tyrone the Heroic is the knight commander of the Order. He wears an eye patch from when Elijah's pet falcon accidentally pecked his eye out while hawking on the grounds.

"Just do it!"

The knights carry Ebony out of the room as she screams at Elijah. He looks up at the gold-painting ceiling and wonders if he made a mistake.

†††

The dungeon is dark like a nighttime ocean. Elijah sighs as he waits to die.

The Kingdom of Iwubia was no longer. The peasants left, so the land became derelict. The nobles departed once that land was taken by outside forces. Then, the clergy left because they claimed God couldn't be worshipped in a small church. There was no one left.

Monarchs in the other kingdoms found out he poisoned his parents. Ebony told them once she swam out of the river back to dry land.

A priest stopped by and read verses from the Bible, but Elijah never believed in the afterlife. He never cared where he was going as long as he could be himself. For Elijah, the only place he could feel free was Ebony's cottage. If only he could have been himself in the kingdom and not the person his parents wanted him to be. They wanted him to be married, they wanted him to be King, but he never asked himself if that's what he wanted.

The dungeon door opens. A knight ushers Elijah out of the dungeon and into the daylight. Elijah sports a tattered gown with dirt smudges.

Commoners boo him as he steps up to the gallows – some throwing fruit. The executioner wears a black hood. He ties a rope around Elijah's neck like a scarf.

"King Elijah is guilty of killing his parents." The executioner reads off his parchment paper. "And he is also guilty of cheating on his wife Ebony of Asarus."

The audience gasps.

"Hold up. We were not married. Don't put that on me."

"We were married." Ebony shoves her hand in the air and steps in front.

"Don't listen to her, Mr. Executioner. She talks to forest animals. Ask anyone. I would rather be hanged than married."

"Quiet!" The executioner yells. He whispers in Elijah's ear. "Forgive me."

The trapdoor opens, and Elijah drops. He jerks his body awkwardly, trying to gasp for air. Tears seep down his cheek as he recalls a memory of his parents.

When Elijah was a kid, they let him give a speech to the commoners. He remembers how the crowd cheered and how his mother and father hugged him and told him how proud they were. At that moment was when he loved them the most.

After a few seconds, he finally goes limp, and everyone roars in excitement.