My Pills, Her Pills

There was footage. Wasn't there? She turned at the gate, right hand over her chest, held it there, six or seven seconds. Is that right?

He wrote it down anyway. Writing it down makes it look true. Official. Makes it feel true. It might as well have happened. He's not going to know the difference, is he? More detail is better, because it makes it look worse. Feels more violating that way.

He drew the full stop meticulously, as if he'd just learned what full stops are. Then his hands and mind go slack while he thinks about where he should leave it this time. The journal. For the other guy to find.

The fridge hums wrong. Too high-pitched. It fills his head, like wasps-

I've got wasps in my brain!

-making it so he can't hear anything else, can't concentrate. Can't think.

He forgot the name of the pills... Co-codamol? yes, but the others… the yellow ones? Not hers. His? Not sure. He drew a big daisy on the page, placing the tablets around the garish centre.

My pills. Her pills. My pills. Her pills. My-

His fingers felt numb. He dropped the pen. When did he pick it up? Not sure. He tried to write it all down but the pen doubled. Or the paper doubled. Or something. He squeezed the pen in his sluggish fingers, trying to make it behave. It hurt his knuckles, and he dropped it again. He shook his head hard. Pressed the flats of his fingers to his eyes until spots bloom, and he forgets to remember about what he dropped, and tried to remember to forget about why he dropped it.

The curtains were drawn again today. He’s not sure if they’ve ever opened since last week. He thinks she left the house this morning. Or maybe she’s still inside. Maybe the rosemary bush can tell?

He knows he clipped it. No, wait, that was her. That was definitely her. Maybe.

He hasn’t slept. Or maybe he slept twice.

Her curtains definitely haven't opened. Is she dead in there? Rotting away. Flies. Maggots. Ugh.

She can't be dead. He didn't kill her yet. Did he? He'd remember something like that. Surely. Probably.

He just has to check the footage. If he can find it and watch it then he'll know what happened and...

Where's that damn pen?