Love Isn’t What They Told Us

We grew up on a diet of fairy tales, movie scripts, and love songs. Stories where love is all-consuming, perfect, and fast. You meet someone, sparks fly, and suddenly everything falls into place. We were told love is supposed to feel like fireworks, like being struck by lightning, like finding “the one” who completes you. We were told love conquers all—no matter what.

But here’s what I’ve learned, painfully and slowly, through real experience:

Love isn’t what they told us.

It’s not always magical or convenient. It doesn’t always look beautiful. It isn’t about losing yourself in another person or being saved. Love, real love, is something else entirely. It’s quieter. Sometimes messier. And always more human.

Love is Not a Fix

We’re often led to believe that love will fix everything—that once you find it, you’ll feel whole. But people are not repair kits. A relationship can’t make your trauma disappear, erase your insecurities, or fill the holes you haven’t faced in yourself. It’s not someone else’s job to complete you. That’s the lie we were sold.

Love doesn’t fix you. But a healthy love will hold your hand while you work on healing. It will give you space to grow, and a mirror to see yourself more clearly. It’s support, not salvation.

Love Is Work—But It Shouldn’t Be Pain

I used to think that struggle meant passion. That conflict proved intensity. That you had to fight, cry, break, and rebuild to make love worth something. That’s what we see in movies, right? Two people screaming in the rain, only to fall into each other’s arms like nothing happened.

But real love isn’t war.

Yes, relationships take effort. Communication. Compromise. Vulnerability. That kind of work can be hard—but it should be the kind of hard that makes you better, not broken. It’s not meant to feel like walking on eggshells, or constantly questioning your worth. Love doesn’t mean tolerating disrespect, or convincing someone to choose you. If it hurts more than it heals, that’s not love. That’s a lesson.

Love Is in the Ordinary

No one told us that the most beautiful moments in love aren’t grand gestures. They’re in the everyday. They’re the quiet coffee made just how you like it. The “drive safe” text. The shared grocery lists and inside jokes and knowing glances across a crowded room. The way someone remembers your laugh—or the things you don’t say out loud.

Love is built in moments that would never make it into a rom-com, but those are the ones that build trust. They create home. Not fireworks, but warm, steady flame.

Love Is Letting Go of the Script

One of the hardest things I had to unlearn was the belief that love must look a certain way. That there was a timeline to follow. That I had to be married by a certain age, have kids, or feel butterflies all the time—or it wasn’t “real.”

But love doesn’t come with a script. It doesn’t care about what your friends are doing, or what your family expects. It doesn’t have to follow the plotline you imagined when you were sixteen. Love is deeply personal. It looks different for everyone. And when you stop chasing what it’s supposed to be, you start seeing what it actually is.

Love Is Choosing, Every Day

Love isn’t just a feeling. It’s a choice. And that’s not a bad thing—it’s what makes it meaningful. Feelings can fade and shift, but the choice to show up, to care, to communicate even when it’s uncomfortable—that’s where the real magic happens.

It's easy to love someone when everything’s going well. The real test comes in the quiet, the conflict, the chaos. Love is choosing to stay even when it’s not convenient. It’s choosing to be kind, to be honest, to be patient. Even when you’re tired. Even when you’re scared. Even when you could walk away.

Love Doesn’t Always Last—and That’s Okay

One of the hardest truths? Not all love is meant to be forever. That doesn’t mean it wasn’t real. Some people come into our lives to teach us how to love, or how not to. Some loves are stepping stones. Some are mirrors. And some are doorways to becoming more of who we’re meant to be.

We can be grateful for love even when it ends. Even when it hurts. Because it shaped us. It grew us. It showed us what we want, and what we’ll never settle for again.

Love, As It Really Is

Love is not a fantasy. It’s not the highlight reel. It’s showing up on the hard days. It’s listening without fixing. It’s staying through awkward silences. It’s laughing in the grocery store aisle, and crying in the car, and holding each other accountable. It’s not perfect—but it’s real.

So no, love isn’t what they told us.

It’s better.