Life Is Still Beautiful

The outside world was unknown to her, but she could see a glimpse of it through the window in his room. There was nobody preventing her from leaving. Although she felt like she could not leave. All her belongings were there with her, and she would rearrange them often to distract her from her anxiety. Social media consumed her life. It was a window into other people’s happy lives. Everything she saw and read on social media platforms seemed so real. Everyone seems so happy on the surface, and she consumed endless hours of content even though she knew how deceiving those posts could be.

In the beginning, though, she did have hopes of finding meaningful friendships and relationships through social media. That was supposed to be a window of opportunity for a fulfilling social life. Finally, through the power of technology, she could connect with people and learn about their lives, struggles, and experiences. A real connection to other people was what she wanted. What she found was different. It was as if the entire world had conspired with the goal of proving they were better than her in some way. Someone had eaten a better meal. Someone wore better clothes. Someone made more money. Someone had a better home. The message was clear. Everyone had a better life.

It was just a mass of people misusing the positive potential and/or purpose of the platform of any social media. There were no more real relationships, she felt, just strangers seeking attention, self-promotion or profit. Life seemed to become less meaningful. Everyone she used to know became more distant. The connections she once had with close friends and family was slowly becoming a memory. The time that could have been given to the people we care and love, and who are right in front of us, are rather spent checking on other less important people and what they are doing. Critics and their harsh words have no bounds on the social media platform. And she has had her fair share. Words of judgment and disapproval, though only words, inflicted physical and mental pain on her. Even though she knew these antics have no solid ground nor proof, they still affected her. Stabbing deep like a sword through her brittle heart. Many times questioning whether they are right. Questioning whether she herself was going insane.

She felt like she was falling deeper in a hole and feared of becoming just like them. Constantly thinking of what to post to gain approval and acknowledgment. It felt empty and insincere. To think that everything she saw, read, and heard from could help her find inspirations and motivations to help manifest herself and maybe get some encouragement to do the things that she loves. However her attempts in search of acknowledgment only opened up opportunities for others to shame and put her down. Many would believe that what she was doing was to seek attention, when in reality all she really wanted was to share the same inspirational and motivational posts that she hoped to encourage others to learn how to be strong to face whatever life throws at them. Not everyone has a good support system in their lives and they need those kind words to keep them going. She only wanted to help.

The journey of finding out what she can do to achieve happiness became an inclusive path to take. The effort felt draining. The room around her became a paradox; her only escape from all of those mixed feelings and emotions towards a “modern life” and at the same time somewhere she felt stuck. This is the safest place in the house where she can vent out all the frustrations, worries, and anxiousness about her life. The room where she felt safe to shed tears until she was able to let go of those painful emotions that always make her question her existence or purpose in life.

This special room, which used to be her grandparents, remained the same since her Granfather Bill and his wife died. Since then, she has been like a lost girl who doesn’t know whom to turn to when everything falls apart. This same room, where she used to talk about all her dreams in life to Bill, is now but a quiet and dusty escape. The smell of the dried flowers on the side of the bed—reminds her of when she used to do gardening with her grandfather at the front of their house… And how she used to water them every morning with that excitement of watching them grow an inch everyday until the flowers bloom… The world was different when she was a child. She was always anxious. Her grandfather Bill was the only person who understood her and made her feel comfortable whenever she felt anxious about her future. When the world felt dark, he shed light and gave her warmth.

This “Modern Life” mentality has become something bitter. The way of connecting to people has changed. There were no more grandpa Bills in her life. With all the social media in the world, nobody could take his place. Bill was the last of his kind. Someone who loved her and valued her. Someone who kept encouraging her to do the best she can do and that she will be happy as he was in his life. The house is empty without Bill. The world feels empty without her Grandpa. And this room feels as though it was the only place in the world that remained the same as it was. The house, especially his room, made her remember what Bill used to tell her: “Whenever you feel that the real world out there is being cruel to you, remember that you always have a home to come back to.”

The struggle to adjust and adapt to these new ways of reconnecting with people either for work or personal reasons, made her think that she hasn’t done any achievements in life that she can show and share for people to see in social media. Everyone seems so happy in the photos on social media and that made her feel that she was being left alone behind. And all she can do as of now from this very moment, being in this room, is to reminisce all the happy and positive thoughts she once had to give her back all the confidence she needed to get on her feet, stand up, and try again until she figures out how to get to where she wants or who she supposed to be in life. This woman in the room… is actually no other than me…

Looking around in this room full of dust and old things full of sentiments, while the sound of the violin is on in an old cassette tape player, I reminisce the old good and bad memories I had left behind for a very long time. So while I was staring at that window, for the very first time after a long time, I finally noticed what’s behind it. The bright light coming from the outside and the colors of the view out there caught my attention that made me slowly walk towards it . As I slowly walk towards it, every step I take, my eyes start shedding tears and dropping on the floor. I lifted my right arm and reached that window with my right hand, slid the glass sliding window door to the right side to open it. The wind came in and the fresh air blew and dried my tears away on my face. I took a deep breath and inhaled the air as I closed my eyes in five seconds while telling myself “Everything will be fine…”

As I slowly opened my eyes and slowly leaned my head out straight and took the moment to appreciate what I was seeing, I felt alive again. As the sun was rising and the ray of lights touched the wonderful things around, it made everything out there look more lively. The movements of the leaves on the trees, the flowers on the ground, the water on the small pond, and even the grass and leaves on the ground seem like dancing and celebrating life after a cold dark night. The birds started flying high and enjoying the beauty of nature in this peaceful morning. The humming birds singing, it's just as beautiful as what I was listening to on that old cassette player behind this window. I then realized, I have to remind myself that I have to see things in different perspectives or rather, try to see the positive perspective to what life is all about.

I finally saw the beauty of life out there. This beautiful view I am seeing has no filter on it and this is giving me a simple reminder to not let this modern way of life affect me in a certain way that would make me feel different from who I am and from what others define me or expect of who I am supposed to be. I am in control of my own life and the happiness I seek is in my own hands. My life experience has taught me how to be strong and able to achieve my goals. I need to tell myself not to stop learning. My late grandparents would be very happy to see me doing the best I can do to be strong and happy. This made me realize another thing, that each one has their own ideal of what life should be and that I should stand on what ideal life is for me and what makes me feel happy and that I should not let myself be bothered with all these changes in this modern life.

I want to keep myself real and love those who love me for who I am. I am focusing more on my inner peace and repenting my sins from the past by making myself a better person everyday. So if anyone tries to hurt someone like me through harsh words, we have the choice to walk away and keep moving forward. Every little step I take counts no matter how hard and rough the road I am taking. My Faith to God is what keeps me going. I did embrace myself and forgave myself for not being a good person back then. I want to spend my time with the right people in my life. After all, time is the most valuable thing one can give to those who truly matter to them. Everything that happened, happening, and will happen in my life will all make sense one day because I firmly believe that “In God’s TIMING, Everything is ABSOLUTE!” (My word of wisdom).

Everyone is trying to live life for different purposes and trying to find each one’s happiness. Even in this modern life, we are all gonna leave this world when our time is up. Atleast, I am thinking of something that I can leave behind, something that can inspire others of what I have achieved. Starting from reflecting on myself, I then will see what I haven’t seen, hear what I haven’t heard, feel what I haven’t felt, and understand more of what I haven’t understood before. Having wisdom to myself will bring inner peace and everything else will follow. Living life is not always going to be easy and a lot more to change as years go by and can be very overwhelming. I can only do the best I can to live my life at my own pace without seeking any validation. I want to feel fulfilled in this “modern life” by appreciating both the way of life used to be, the way of life now, or in the near future. I know for sure if my Grandfather is watching this with me right now, he would pretty much tell me this again, “If you won’t do it, it won’t happen.” Therefore, I have to keep moving forward and be as beautiful as the sight I am seeing from this window every morning. I will open this window everyday from now on because from here, this shows that life is still beautiful after all.

The End.