Laundry Day

‘What’s with the outfit?’ A patron asks me.

I am the costumed crime fighter known as Midnight Man and today just so happens to be laundry day. I am stood in my Laundry Costume in the 10th Street Laundromat. Why do I have a laundry costume? One thing the comic books never tell you is how a superhero launders their gear; how does Batman get blood and other substances off his Batsuit? How does Wolverine clean out the smell of toxic masculinity?

No one knows, good thing I planned ahead and made a suit designed for laundering my costumes. ‘You look like a hooker at the circus’ a jock laughs to his buddies.

That was until I had my hands around his throat ‘What was that?’ I hiss, ‘I don’t think I heard you, would you mind repeating it?’

The jock shook his head; I dropped him in the floor ‘Didn’t think so.’ The jocks ran for the hills with their “leader” leaving a trail of urine behind him.

I returned to my laundry to find that my street clothes were almost dry and my costumes were ready to get dried. I made sure no one could see my street clothes; if anyone could work out who I was based on my clothes there would be no point being a costumed crime fighter. After a half hour my superhero clothes are ready, and with some street magic I had swapped my laundry costume for my regular grey and midnight black outfit. I repeated the cycle with my laundry outfit and it wasn’t long before I was climbing into the Midnight-mobile, a heavily modified 85 IROC-Z given that I was a superhero on a budget, and speeding off towards my lair.

Soon after I had reached my lair, located beneath shipping containers at Port Arthur, and it wasn’t long before I was summoned by the chief of police. Crime doesn’t take a break so I guess neither should I, I tossed my laundry bags to my stalwart aide, Robinson, and sped off into the night.

Upon arriving at Police Headquarters; Chief Maxwell informed me that the Slaughterhouse Six had escaped from Saltwater Maximum Security Prison earlier this afternoon, ‘we have no idea how they managed it Midnight Man, that prison is over a mile from shore and nearly 300 metres down.’

‘This is troubling Chief’ I responded, ‘I’ll need access to the prison and all records from today.’

The Chief nodded her head ‘I will see that you receive full cooperation from the Prison Staff’ she said, ‘we both know how dangerous these individuals are, but we have also had some unsettling news from our fellow officers in West City.’

My brow furrowed, this could only be bad news ‘let me guess, Dreadman has escaped?’

The Chief shook her head ‘No it’s worse’ she said with a look of consternation on her face, ‘he has started laughing.’

‘Laughing!’ I asked.

‘Yes, laughing’ the Chief nodded, ‘he has been laughing for seven days straight without pause.’

‘Well he is a Xenonite’ I replied, ‘how much do we really know of his biological makeup? Please tell me they still keep his cell flooded with Argon?’

The Chief nodded ‘He is still under secure lock and key.’ The Chief pulled out her phone to show me a video of Dreadman laughing, ‘he is under Level Nine Security at present but the laughing keeps getting louder.’

‘This is troubling Chief’ I responded, ‘I will look into it once I have the Slaughterhouse Six behind bars.’

I left the Chief and took off in the Midnight-Mobil but it wasn’t long before a call came in from Mayor Johnson ‘There is trouble at the Gold Reserves Midnight Man’ he cried out, ‘it is the work of that laughable femme fatale.’

‘You don’t mean?’ I began to respond.

‘Yes Midnight Man’ the Mayor began, ‘the Comedienne!’

It’s a good thing I was finished my laundry, now I could clean up some crime and dry clean the Comedienne straight to jail.