Insomniac’s Manifesto

In those fleeting and rare moments when sleep deigned me worthy to visit, the kaleidoscopic landscapes of my dreams were nothing short of whimsical, an oneiric phantasmagoria that bedazzled my subconscious mind with its riotous and wonderful splendor!

For now, slumber evades me, for the woolly headed ones draw nigh, and the terrestrial rumblings reverberate through the chambers of my consciousness, whispering eldritch secrets of the deep!

These tremulous oscillations, like specters of human vocal vibrations, reverberate through the arboreal ensemble of dense forested lands, their ethereal echoes meandering through the labyrinth of my mind, entangling themselves within the delicate convolutions of my cerebral cortex. They won’t let go!

“Let me sleep, now!” I shout at them. They do not listen. They do not go away. I will make them pay.

Hours go by. The phantasm of sweet oblivion draws near, ready to draw me into a sweet, much needed slumber! I was sure of it! I could finally feel my mind relaxing and my body was slightly less tense.

But as the tendrils of slumber ensnared my consciousness, a melodramatic maelstrom of vibes, borne upon the wind, jolts me awake. These electric echoes, reverberating through my very soul, incite a cacophony of screams from within, urging me to resist the siren call of sleep. Bloodshot eyes, transfixed upon the ceiling, bear witness to a mind collapsing in on itself, even as the paradoxical energy coursing around me both soothes and electrifies, denying me respite from wakefulness.

Oh, if only a container existed that could house my overabundance of energy, quelling the ceaseless tumult and agony within, and restoring a sense of tranquil equanimity to my frazzled and broken mind.

In my quest for slumber, I summoned a legion of woolly somniferous animals, adorable sheep for me to count. I had named them all too, they were sheep that I loved counting since I was a child. But they only existed for me to witness their metamorphosis into umbral abominations. From these eldritch shadows, cacophonous creatures emerged, whispering malevolent incantations into my ear. A living nightmare unfolded, barring me from the tranquil embrace of sleep.

“Torment me in my dreams if you must,” I implored, “but grant me respite from my miserable wakefulness!” The fiendish chorus of tiny imps mocked my pleas. Then, an illusory ringtone pierced the air. My employer, beckoning me to work before the break of dawn. I discerned the ruse, for the laughter that echoed through the line bore the same sinister timbre as the monsters spawned from my nocturnal terrors.

“I know you’re not real,” I shouted into the phone and slammed it until there was no more dial tone.

In a fit of defiant, spiteful and anger filled rage, I cackled and spat at the malevolent entities, vowing to reciprocate their wakeful torture.

“I will have my revenge, you sleep demon scum!” I shouted, a small drop of blood dripping from my lip as dug my teeth into it.

“If sleep is to be denied me,” I bellowed, “then I shall subject you to the spectacle of my unrestrained exhibitionism!' These sleep monsters were screwing with the wrong man.

Disrobing, I unleashed a bacchanalian performance, gyrating my hips and dong with wild abandon, just like Elvis.

“The human!” they shrieked in revulsion, “its unclothed and hideously hairy body is an affront to our evil yet delicate sensibilities! How disgusting!” They threw up, then retreating into the recesses of my weary mind, the fiends dissipated, leaving me to ponder the hallucinatory theater of my sleep deprived delirium. Finally, with my energy drained, spent from my long ordeal, slumber finally beckoned. I closed my eyes, only to be snatched away by the sounds of my clarion alarm clock jolting me awake, and heralding the dawn of yet another heinous workday. Damn it.