Eye Catching
For LC Schäfer's Dollar Challenge November Edition

She was like a shot of espresso, standing there in the corner. The kind of thing that crashed into your brain, making you sit up and pay attention. But, not for the reasons you might think.
Pretty girl, natural height accentuated by thin, strappy heels and a red qipao. Easy enough on the eyes, if one didn't bother looking past the pretty veneer. Doing that, even for a moment, would start to show cracks in the façade.
Meaning that when I was done with my momentary glance at her better features, I looked deeper. With the set of her shoulders, the way her weight was spread on those flagrantly impractical shoes, and how she carried her hands, I knew she was a fighter. Not dressed for best performance, but rather to distract.
But, distract from what? I didn't know her; the woman's face or description had never come up in my case. But I did know that, despite her best efforts to appear to the contrary, she did not belong.
Given her height, shoes included, I could guess that she was stood there to have the best view of the room. Meaning she was on watch for something, but as to what that could be I couldn't guess.
I flowed in time with the writhing crowd on the dancefloor. Music thundering in my ears and the stink of bodies and alcohol burning my nose. Having a drink or two might have been nice, just enough to take the edge off the painful surroundings. But, I had a job to do.
Sadly, focus is all important in my line of work. I've no idea how the old school detectives managed to do so much constantly on the sauce. But, maybe that was just how they had trained themselves to function. Besides, most of their opponents had been constantly toasted too.
Either way, I needed to go and talk to that woman. If my information for this job was right, then she was exactly who I was looking for. And, if I watched her just long enough... her eyes would return most frequently to the thing she's guarding. Perfect.
Deciding on the direct approach, I drifted into the crowd and filtered across the dancefloor until I was close enough to say, "salutations, is Charlotte in?"
A guard, not an actor. And I revised my thought about her being a distraction. No one whose job was to draw attention, or distract it, would stand like that in that place. I maintained my distance, speaking to her over the constant roar of the music and patrons, never once looking like I was interested in her at all.
Important to have things like that. Someone might remember me hitting on her, or at least, seeming to. But no one would question a few friendly words, going by my face, to a wall flower. Especially not if she answered correctly and quickly and I could shove off.
The code word "Charlotte" made her visibly reexamine the stupid opening word. Instead of rebuffing me, or starting to make a scene, she nodded up. I glanced at the balcony and smiled. Sometimes gambles pay off. Sometimes the bribes do come in useful.
Having never appeared to be trying to get her attention, I let the crowd's currents take me towards the stairs. Whoever "Charlotte" was, their security needed some leaks plugged.
Slipping the stiletto blade out of my sleeve, I climbed the stairs, stumbling a little to carry the illusion of being drunk. Time to earn my salary.
About the Creator
Alexander McEvoy
Writing has been a hobby of mine for years, so I'm just thrilled to be here! As for me, I love writing, dogs, and travel (only 1 continent left! Australia-.-)
"The man of many series" - Donna Fox
I hope you enjoy my madness
AI is not real art!




Comments (16)
Pleased you got a TS for this! Thank you for taking part. and "qipao", what a word! Gonna squirrel that away for next time I play scrabble 😁
congrats on your top story!
Oh wow. 😮 I like this!
Congrats on the top story I really liked it🎉👏
Congratulations!!
Outstanding story by Alexander McEvoy.Beautifully written
Back to say congratulations on your Top Story! 🎉💖🎊🎉💖🎊
Great entry for the challenge and a smashing top story too.
Congratulations on TS. Compelling story.
You had me from the opening line onward. Phenomenal writing; so compelling! I'd love to read more of this. I think that you have a bestseller on your hands! BRAVO! Well done!!
Great story, Alex. Congrats on the TS.
HEEEEEEYYYY!!! Look at you, my writerly husband!!!! Catching yourself another well earned Top Story!! 🎉
I'm a little lost 😅😅 Did he kill her?
Ooooooo!! I'd love a follow up on this one Alex!! Very James Bond meets Sherlock Holmes!! Ps. I'm not sure if it was my dyslexia acting up or a typo "remember he hitting on her, or at least," did you maybe mean "Me" instead of he?
Reads a little like Spillane, with a side of Grisham, perhaps? Great job, Alexander!
I enjoyed how you first painted the scene and saved what the narrator's real purpose was until the end. Nicely played.