EVAN

The first time I came out to his college to visit was after I had worked third shift at my waitressing job. I left work, stopped briefly at my apartment, and drove the three hours to him. Having not slept, I made frequent stops along the highway at truckstops for energy drinks in 10 minute power naps.

I ran into his arms and he pulled me up into a big bear hug. This put all of my broken pieces back together. The pieces that he had broken to begin with. At the time I was too blinded by my love to see that. It was like he put a bandaid on a wound that needed stitches.

He seemed genuinely happy to see me. He introduced me to his roommates, showed me around, and went with me to the grocery store.

We did the normal, stupid young adult thing and spent some time in the bedroom making up for lost time. I definitely channeled my inner goddess trying to show him what he would be missing in a desperate attempt at manipulation. I did say I was young and dumb.

Instead of living in a dorm, he lived in an apartment with his roommates. This apartment complex had a very nice pool for the tenants to use. I was unprepared since I did not know that at the time I drove out, so he let me borrow a T-shirt and some shorts to swim in. Off we went to cool off during the August heat.

Holding my tiny 4’ 10” frame up in the 5’ deep waters, he looked at me in a way I had never seen anyone look at me before. There was a spark back in his eye when he looked at me with his arms around my waist with mine wrapped around his neck. It started a fire in my heart again and in some other body parts I won’t mention. I couldn’t help but press my freezing lips against his in the ice cold water hoping to ignite the same flame in him. I figured it had to be there if he was looking at me like that. We became that obnoxious couple in public that couldn’t keep their hands off of each other and I thought everything was back to normal and we would get our happily ever after.

After about an hour of annoying his neighbors, he decided to take me to dinner. He picked a place that we could’ve easily gone to back at home but I was OK with that as long as I was with him. I still remember what I ordered. I still remember where we sat in the restaurant. In the last eight years, I have not dined at this chain again, not just that location, any location. It’s just ruined for me. It took me a while to even be able to pass one without getting nauseous.

No one acted out of the ordinary. In fact, I would have said Evan and I had never been better, like this was just what we needed to get back on track to our forever. I already had many more trips planned out in my head and had even considered moving there for the year that he would be gone to make it easier. After all, I would have my NREMT, I could work anywhere in the country with that. Not once in all the planning that I calculated in my head did I include the possibility of him breaking my heart so horrifically that it made me physically ill. Not once did I think that my future would never include him. I never would have put money on an outcome where I added him to the short list of people that I hate. I didn’t know he had no intentions of forever the way I did.