Escape From Love

I am awake but I lay very still as I try to get my bearings to try to remember where I am at. Nothing feels real but my environment seems familiar. There is a fear brewing just out of reach that the blanket of the remaining webs of sleepiness won’t allow me to recall for the moment.

I just lay there. Trying to figure it all. Even though I am still my body can feel the unyielding hardness of pack dirt beneath me. Earth, mildew, and a scent I can’t put my finger on dancing in my nose. I hear movement come towards me and it all rushes my brain like a tidal wave. I am in Allen’s grandma’s shed. No one knows I am here. He could kill me if he wants.

My heart feels like it is coming out of my chest as it feels like it’s slamming it against bone. My eye screams at me in throbbing silence. Why did I allow Allen to lock me up in here? Why did I come back? I am mentally slapping myself around for again another stupid choice.

A week ago, I had come over to ask Allen’s help. When I had left, I had taken our puppy Topaz with me. I was planning to hitchhike to Macon where my mama lived but I knew it would not have been fair to Topaz no matter how much I loved her.

Allen had said he could take care of her. He said that his grandma had said it was okay for Topaz could stay in the shed at night and that during the day he would let her play in the yard. His grandma had said she did not want me to come visit. I found it funny, but I knew I would not be visiting. I just did not tell Allen that.

The reason I found it funny was because a few days before that Allen had gotten into a verbal disagreement with his grandma. It got so heated that when I saw Allen ball up his fist by his side, I jumped in front of her. See Allen is 6’4 man and his grandma is a tiny 5’1 and maybe 80lbs soaking wet. Add to it the fact that she was in her early 70s and I knew if his fist connected, she would be in the hospital at the very least. I took the punch.

She called the police. I pressed charges, gathered my little bit of stuff, and my puppy. Allen went to jail and by the time hid Aunt Alice had talked to his grandma I was the bad guy. I did not like it but I understood. I just took the blame.

For some reason Aleen wanted me to see the setup he had made for Topaz. Against my better judgment, I followed. When I turned around, he slammed the door behind him and punched me in the stomach. “You will keep your mouth shut. If you don’t, I will kill you.”

“Your grandma will notice a dead body in the shed.”

“It won’t be a problem. After I kill you, I will get rid of her too. No chance for a witness.” He had stopped punching me in the stomach and was looking down at me with a grin that turned my stomach. “Do you understand?”

I nodded my head. I was stunned. I mean he had hit me before, but this was different. I don’t know why but it was. He then threw off his clothes and demanded I do the same. I lay on the hard dirt. My eyes closed tight. My mind does its best to go anywhere but there at that moment.

Now seven days later (I think) I am still here. I could feel hot tears make their way down my cheek. I am going to die. No one knows I am here. Since I had started dating Allen, I did not call mama as much anymore. Usually, I would call on a payphone when I could at work. It was hit and miss at best.

My mama didn’t know I was going to hitchhike back, so she wasn’t expecting me. My dad and stepmom hadn’t heard from me in eight months at the very least so they wouldn’t know to look for me. My grandparents hadn’t seen me since Christmas eve. I didn’t have contact with any other family members. Only Topaz the puppy would know I was gone, and she couldn’t talk.

The movement came closer. I started praying. He was not going to let me go. “I wonder why I didn’t hear Mrs. Sara’s car.” It usually woke me up like clockwork. At nine every morning she went to spend the day at the senior center. Five minutes later Allen would show up in the shed. It was the only way I could tell a day had come and gone.

I felt the hot breath on my cheek and then a soft wet tongue that licked me. I let out a sigh of relief and reached for Topaz to give her the biggest hug. Like everyone and everything else, Allen was jealous of Topaz because I showered her with love and attention. Love and attention that he felt I was only allowed to give to him. I never understood it.

I got my hugs and kisses in before he came in. If Allen caught me loving on Topaz, it earned me either a strike across the back with a belt or a punch in the kidney. As bad as it seems it was just easier to give love when there was not a chance of him being around.

After Topaz felt she had returned enough love she went to her food and water dish that was in the corner. My stomach is growling. I haven’t had a real meal in over a week. I had eaten a few scraps that Allen had given to Topaz and a little bit of dog food. I did my best not to eat much. I didn’t want Topaz to go hungry. I was ashamed to be eating Topaz’s food, but I did what I have to. I was lucky because Topaz would share with me.

“Aww, thank you, baby.” Topaz came back over and dropped a chicken leg beside me. She knows I am weak and somehow knows that food will make me feel better.

I took a couple of bites and then gave her back the chicken. I could already feel my stomach starting to reject it. I roll on my side. It was the only way I could get up. My body protested with pain and popping noise from my body. I only pause for a second. I know any longer will cause me to throw up on my makeshift bed.

I got the rest of the way up and stumbled to the bucket I used as a toilet. After I finished throwing up that little bit of chicken. I sat down by the bucket and took everything in. My eyes scanned over all the stuff around me. Things that Mrs. Sara and her husband had collected over the years. If I don’t figure out how to get out soon, my body would be found soulless among the happy memories.

Soon Mrs. Sara’s car starts up. I hug Topaz one last time crying “I am sorry I can’t take you with me.”

I wipe my eyes. Allen sees the tears I would get another beating. Not only was I not allowed to show love to anything but him I also am not allowed to be sad or cry. I have gotten good at pretending around Allen. It was a matter of survival. I knew what I was going to do. I had to be convincing. I would have to act even better than the people in the movies. I know it is going to make me feel cheap and dirty. It might not even work but I had to try.

I hear Allen coming. He always let the screen door slam when he came out of the backdoor. “Showtime” I whispered to Topaz. I brace myself as I wait for Allen to come in.

I can hear him unlocking the padlock. The door opens and a clear stream of sunlight comes in. I shield my eyes a little. Allen comes in. He shuts the door and seems larger than usual. “Here.” He holds out a plate with a sandwich on it.

I take it and start devouring it. It is nice to have something that wasn’t scraped. It’s a little dry but a peanut butter sandwich without jelly usually is. I am not going to be choosey. Allen pulled a canned soda out of his pocket. “I am sure you need this.”

I grabbed the soda but was careful not to just jerk it away. The last time I had done that I earned a slap across the face. If that happened this time, then it would throw a wrench in my plans. The last time Allen got so worked up it resulted in a full day of torture.

“You are learning. There is hope for you yet.” That comment made me feel like a dog in training, but I pushed the resentment down deep into the belly of my stomach.

Allen sat on a box and watches me eat my feast. I hoped that the looks I gave would fool him, even if it’s just a little. “It’s now or never,” I told myself. I just had to let him speak first. Otherwise, he would see right through my plan. I didn’t have to wait long.

“Yesterday was when I had to go to court.” Allen studied my face for a reaction.

“Hmm.” I acted like my mind was only on my food.

“As you can figure they threw it out of court.”

Even though inside I cringe. If I had been there, he would be in jail right now. I couldn’t act interested in that or the idea of leaving at all. Just needed to get away. I just nodded my head and let him lead the conversation.

“You know you can’t stay here forever.” Allen stared off in space a little.

“What do we do?”

“I don’t know. If I get back with you then my family won’t have anything to do with me. If I let you go then how do I know you won’t run to the police?”

I laid the plate on the dirt floor and wiggled my way into his lap. “Let’s not worry about it now. How long will your grandma be gone today?”

Allen looked at his watch “She will be gone til this evening. They have bingo today.”

“Cool. Let’s go inside and have a little fun. I like it when we do it on the bed.”

He started to smile at the thought, but I guess my body odor was hitting him in the face because he pulled back a little in disguise. What did he expect? I hadn’t had a bath in a week, and it was summer. Of course, I was going to smell bad. “We would of course play around in the shower first.”

“Yeah! That would be great! By the time I get finished with you, I can figure out where to put you.”

I fought down the chill that raced up my spine. I am almost home free. Just have to keep calm. “That would be perfect.”

“Let me make sure that the neighbors are not outside.”

“Ok. I will grab my makeup box and book bag. You know all the fun things you got me are in there.”

“Yeah, grab them.”

My heart raced faster. This is really happening. I gave Topaz one last look. I mentally begged for her forgiveness. By the way, she danced around it was almost as if she was saying she did. I think it’s just wishful thinking on my part.

“Wait here until I wave to you.”

“Ok.”

Allen walked to the back porch. He looked for people on each side. Once he got into the enclosed area and gave one last look around Allen waved me to come while holding open the door. “Here goes nothing,” I whispered to no one.

I moved slowly out of the shed. The bright summer sun burned my eyes, but I forced myself to push through. On the side of the shed was a small path that led to one of the side streets. It led to the back of a Rite Aide. I took a deep breath and ran that way.

I heard the screen door slam. I could hear Allen’s heavy feet pound the ground as he chased after me. I knew he would catch me. I had too much of a head start. I used to run track in high school. Even though I hadn’t run in years and was out of shape I was still faster. Despite that, he was hot on my trail.

I ran to the front of the mini shopping center that held the Rite Aide. I shoveled open the door and ran straight up to one of the employees. “Help! He is behind me! He is gonna kill me. Help!”

The lady pushed me towards the back into the manager’s office. “Call the police.” She told the man doing paperwork “She will tell you.”

“What’s wrong?” I am sure I look a sight. “Ex-boyfriend kept me in the shed. I tricked him. I escaped. If I go back, he will kill me.” I tried to catch my breath to talk. I started shaking when I saw him come in through the security monitor on the desk.

“Okay, don’t worry.” He called 911 and then turned back to me “We have to get him out of here in a safe manner. I am going to tell him I am holding you for shoplifting and that the police are on their way. I nodded in agreement.

He went out the door, locking it on the way out. I could hear what was said but I could see Allen was pissed. It felt like forever, but the police actually arrived pretty quick. I was going to be free. Then I panicked. Allen was following them to the back. The officer came in after the door was unlocked “I need you to stand up and put your hands behind your back.” The policeman handcuffed me and led me to the front. The guy had my two little things I had when I ran in. Allen was right behind us “I will keep her. She didn’t know what she was doing when she took the stuff. I will pay for it.”

The officer stopped for a second to look Allen up and down “Are you, her guardian?” I was afraid he will give me back to Allen.

“No.”

“Well, then you will have to come to get her downtown after we set bail.” I let out a deep sigh as the officer help me into the back by lowering my head.

“I love you, Brooke.”

I just looked at the wannabe man who had held me hostage for a week and almost starved me. “Screw you.” I mouth at him as we pulled away in the cruiser. I was free from him and could go back home. I had finally escaped his kind of love.