Do you really want it, or do you just want other people to see you getting it?

“The things we can’t have often become the things we obsess about.” —Unknown

It’s a truth many of us don’t like to admit: we crave what we don’t have, and sometimes, we crave things just because others have them. I’ve noticed this in my own life, especially when it comes to social media. I’ve often found myself uninstalling Instagram and TikTok for long periods of time, leaving my friends quite confused.

“Why?”

“That’s so weird, Cheryl. “I could never do that.”

My habit is so ingrained that I even use an app to track how many days I’ve gone without logging onto these platforms. It might sound a little exaggerated, but it's my way of avoiding the endless comparisons I make when I watch the highlight reels of my friends' lives.

I know that social media is mostly a curated collection of someone's best moments, yet that knowledge doesn't stop me from feeling inadequate sometimes. The shiny aspects of others' lives often stir up feelings of jealousy and dissatisfaction in my own life.

But every time I step away from social media, I notice something interesting: my intense desires for certain things start to fade, and I start to appreciate what I already have. It's like a switch flips in my brain.

A phrase I found during my Instagram doomscrolling sessions sums it up perfectly: "Do you really want it, or do you just want other people to see you getting it?"

Ironically, the very platform that fueled my desires also provided me with the insights that helped me understand them better.

For example, take the time I became obsessed with a Pauline Syme bag. This particular bag had gone viral on TikTok, and I saw a stylish girl showing it off on her Instagram story. I convinced myself I needed it. But after being off Instagram for a while, I didn’t care about the bag anymore. In fact, it started to seem totally normal to me.

Another example: I usually enjoy my own company, but scrolling through Instagram stories full of couples celebrating anniversaries or going on lovely date nights made me yearn for a relationship. This craving wasn’t because I actually wanted to be with someone; it was about wanting to demonstrate that I, too, could find a romantic partner.

When I wasn’t under the influence of social media, I realized my desire for these things wasn’t real. It was more about the image I wanted to present to others. I wasn’t interested in the latest fashion trends because I liked them; I wanted to post about them and make it look like I had a trendy, enviable life.

This realization hit me hard: I wasn’t doing things because they made me happy, but because I wanted to impress others. The number of times I stopped doing something just because I couldn’t post it on Instagram is embarrassing. Likewise, there have been countless moments when I did something cool, only to reinstall the app to post about it and then delete it immediately after.

There were also times when I would go out just to take pictures, to prove I had a social life. I’ve gone mountain biking, joined pub crawls on a party bus, and taken spontaneous trips with people I barely knew — all of which were something to post on my story.

Although I don’t regret these experiences — they were fun and pushed me out of my comfort zone — I had to admit that my primary motivation was not personal fulfillment, but a desire to show them off on social media. If Instagram didn’t exist, I would likely have spent those days reading or writing.

This behavior made me question my true desires. Was I truly interested in these activities, or was I just doing them for show?

Now, social media isn’t all bad. It encourages me to try new things and discover products I wouldn’t have known about otherwise. But it’s a double-edged sword. It’s easy to get caught up in the need to provide something to others, to make them think you’re living an exciting, fulfilling life.

But here’s the truth: the only person you need to impress is yourself.

Social media should be a tool, not a master. Use it to discover, connect, find inspiration—but always ask yourself: Do I really want this, or am I just trying to provide something to others?

Because at the end of the day, the things you do to impress others will not bring you lasting happiness. True contentment comes from living a life that is in line with your values and desires, not from chasing the approval of others.Start writing...