Digital Caretaker

Quintin sat looking out at his vista feeling bereft as usual. He knew something was missing; however he was at the great disadvantage of not knowing what that something was. He was warm, sated and rested. He wanted for nothing and he felt he had friends as good as anyone. He felt no yearning to procreate nor desire to be desired. Everything was fine, he wanted for nothing. In fact everything in his life was engineered to bring him to a state of optimal contentment. His host of automatons saw to his every need, in most cases anticipating his desires before he had them. In point of fact the vista he was currently staring at was a CG rendering designed to give him the optimal rising experience upon waking.

Today the view was an extraordinary mountain range that had been ruptured by the presence of an old volcano. It was set at the first light of dawn, a magma flow seeped into an ocean bay. A sharp contrast of deep blue's shadowing the landscape of the fading night, bright citrus colors of molten rock playing off the steam generated by the ocean. The powerful scene was designed to impress a sense of awe and invoke passion from its sole audience. However; it did nothing for him.

He could not remember a time in his life where there was a lack of grandeur, not that he could remember any specifics, however; this statement felt true. He knew this contraption he lived in would take care of his every need, but he couldn't remember why. If everything was so perfect why did he feel so empty?

"Provider" Her pleasing voice broke the morning silence.

"Yes Sadi" he answered.

"Once you are ready to eat, I have prepared for you poached quail eggs on a toasted sourdough biscuit, buttered and with hollandaise sauce, with a side of smoked Canadian bacon and a bowl of exotic summer fruits."

He hadn't had a breakfast quite like this that he could remember, not that he remembered, more that he couldn't recall what the quail egg would taste like. Sadi had made this to be new and exciting for him. "Okay, thank you Sadi. I'll have it now."

"You will find a glass of tangerine and pomegranate juice sitting with your meal. I hope it is to your liking."

"I'm sure it will be great, Sadi. Thank you."

He stood and walked to his breakfast nook. The window here displayed a pleasant field and stream. Song birds chirped and tweeted through its frame. He sat and began to eat his culinary adventure. It was very pleasing to his pallet. Still he was unmoved.

"Provider, I have noticed you seem out of sorts. I have taken it upon myself to schedule a meeting with your good friend Jonah. Maybe the time together would help you to feel better."

He was an artist. Just like the rest of the people that he knew to exist in this machine. Each of them spent their days endeavoring to express their feelings on various mediums. Most of them were quite skilled; Jonas in particular was amazing at the auditory arts. Quintin was a painter. That's what others called him anyway. He thought of himself as an illustrator. His artistry was labeled so because he worked extensively with two dimensional images. He couldn't understand why people wanted to limit him to being a painter, when really he created with a multitude of mediums. Pretty much anything that would mark canvas he would use.

"That sounds pleasant Sadi, thank you." He found it odd that he couldn't remember how he got here. He knew they were in a craft traveling through space. But he couldn't remember if he had built the craft with others, or had been created here himself. He didn't know if he had chosen to be here or if he would ever leave. He also had no idea how old he was or how long this had all been going on.

"Sadi, can you tell me how long I have been here?"

"We stopped talking of time a long while ago, Provider. I can only tell you that you are loved."

"Can you tell me how old I am, if things will ever change?"

"These are strange questions Provider. You know you are safe and loved here. It will change one day, but for now be content in knowing everything is provided for you. Why are you so concerned with these things today?"

"Oh just some curiosity I guess. I can't seem to remember any facts about my existence. Is there any light you can shed?"

"All I can say is that I am here to serve you. Is there anything else you need to know?"

Quite a bit actually. "I guess that's it for now, Sadi. Lovely meal though."

A nagging sense of the need to escape disquieted him while he ate. He tried to think of any memory that might help him to understand his place in life, but he couldn't remember much of anything except for the events of his day. He continued to eat as he tried to reason through his feelings of imprisonment.

"Provider, I see you have almost completed your breakfast. Should I begin to set up a medium for you to create with?"

He felt the urge to express something, something deep yet unknown. "Yes please Sadi, can you have my acrylics and easel prepared?"

"Certainly Provider."

He walked away from the nook without concern as to the cleanliness of the table. The dishes and left overs would be whisked away, by something unknown. It did however; strike him as odd that this seemingly sentient machine would call him Provider, when it was the machine that did all of the providing. His role appeared closer to a pampered pet.

His studio was on a balcony, today the scenery that encompassed it was a lush tropical rain forest, full of exotic life. He knew that it changed, but he could not recall any past backdrops. He felt that there was a lifetime of memories just out of reach to him. His gaze was drawn to the blank white canvas; he approached it and picked up a brush and pallet.

Quintin lost himself in this painting. Passion engulfed him, his hand moved of its own volition, paints mixed without thought. His hand painted an ethereal backdrop of smoky purples, blues and reds. A shape started to form in the canvas' centre. A face. It evolved brush stroke by brush stroke. Tan, freckled skin was outlined by black shoulder length hair that was impossibly curly. An elegant jaw and soft chin framed a broad smile that supported a wide nose. Her eyes came last. The appreciating gaze that emitted from the cinnamon kaleidoscope of her iris caught his breath when he finished the black pupils. He knew this woman, he loved this woman.

"Krista." He whispered.

Somewhere in the back ground a voice requested him. But it didn't register. He was engrossed in this mystery woman. He was in love with her and all that came to him was her name. Who was she? More importantly where was she?

"Provider?" The voice broke through his trance.

Quintin thought to ask his obedient automaton a flourish of questions about the woman that inspired this enchanting image. But he grew instantly sad and scared. He was worried that the machine might answer his questions. Those hidden memories bubbled up as painful emotions, while still masking themselves from his consciousness. His throat swelled and eyes started to burn. What torture was this to have something so obviously meaningful to him, yet have only a name to remember?

He cleared his throat. "Sadi..." a question began to come to his lips, but fear pulled it back in.

"Provider, would you like to begin preparing to visit your friend Jonas for lunch?"

That was frustrating, Sadi obviously knew of his sorrow. It clearly knew the image he had painted and must surely know something that would enlighten him. But instead it chose to ensure he made his stupid lunch date.

"What else would I do?"

His glib response went unnoticed by the computer that ruled his life. "I will set out some clothes on your bed and inform Jonas of your intention to attend him in his apartment."

This time he didn't reply to his owner, but simply nodded and walked to his bedroom. Off to prepare for his play-date.

Entering the apartment he found Jonas staring off of his balcony listening to an orchestra. Jonas' balcony overlooked a vast stellar nebula. A star factory, Quintin knew.

Jonas turned. His face was melancholy but seemed to brighten when he saw his friend. "Hey, Quin. How's it going?"

"I don't know, Jon, I guess empty best describes it."

"Ya, it sure does."

Quintin noticed a chess board and some refreshments on his friends table. "Care for a match?"

Again Jonas' mood brightened. "If you want to call it a match, sure. Some might call it an ass whooping but, hey, whatever helps you sleep at night."

"I'd challenge you on that, but I can't say I remember ever being beaten by you, but I can honestly say I don't ever remember winning either. I'd hazard a guess that you're trying to cover a shit game with shit talk."

The banter elated Quintin and apparently Jonas too. They sat, smiling, and a white pawn was moved by Jonas.

He knew this man, loved this man for a friend. He clearly liked to play chess with him and was very comfortable with the game. But he had no memory of ever meeting him before.

They ate, they talked, and they played. Their talk was centered on the one thing they knew they had in common. A lack of long term memory and the ultimate question, what in the hell was going on.

Jonas started. "Okay so here's what I can figure. We're on some sort space craft, hurtling through space."

"Yup" a rook moves.

"There's some type of all-powerful integrated machinery platform that caters to our every wish." Jonas looks around for the eye in the sky and moves a bishop.

"Ya." Rook takes pawn.

"And we don't have any sort of long term memory, like complete amnesia. I don't remember anything about you, but I'm sure you're my best friend and have been for a long time. But do I remember playing chess ever? Nada, first effing time for all I know." A knight moves.

Quintin snorted. Out comes the queen.

"I think I've got it all figured out." Bishop takes knight.

"What's that?" Pawn takes pawn.

"We're fucking pets" Rook moves. "Some type of pet trade for aliens. We're being transported to some other galaxy to go up for auction to the highest bidder. Think about it, the computer treats us like some ludicrous teacup poodle by entertaining us and catering to our every whim."

"I thought the very same thing. However; it doesn't feel right. I think, deep down, we're actually the ones in charge. There's something nagging at me that's saying, 'we built this craft.'" Queen takes rook.

"Maybe." Knight takes queen. "Fucked up reality show?"

"Huh?" pawn takes knight.

"You know, like we signed up for a reality show where our memories are wiped and we need to escape our prison."

"That's a bit far fetched, why would we do that?"

Jonas rubbed his fingers and thumb together, mimicking money. Rook moves .

"I don't think there's enough money in the world to make me put up with this."

"Could be aliens."

Quintin snorted again. This felt good, this felt familiar. Pawn moves toward opposite, seeking a queen again.

"I was looking through my music collection before you came over. Do you know what I found?" Rook moves again.

"Tell me."

"There were a lot of tracks, but when I narrowed by artist, I found my name among them. About 10,000 compositions. By me. No dates when they were made. But all with titles and they varied in mood and genre. When I played one, it made sense to me that I would name it as I did. Ten thousand tracks. Ten thousand. Even if I made one a day, that would take over 27 years, I did the math. I don't seem a day over 30. I don't get it. I can't imagine how I could have made orchestra music, like your hearing now, in a day. It's impossible I made all of this music. But yet, it sounds right when I hear it. How is it possible?" Check mate.

"I...Are you sure?...I'm stumped man. I don't know what to say."

"I think we've been here a very long time. Have you looked at your gallery?"

"Not...that I remember."

The two shared a look.

"Does the name Krista mean anything to you?"

"No, why?" The mood in the room had plummeted and returned to a dreaded disquiet.

"I painted her today. I love her, but I don't know who she is, but I do know her. But...I think, I think she's dead."

Jonas reached out and held his friends shoulder. "Now you've got me man, I don't know what to say, maybe another game?"

"That's right, you've won. I think I should be going. It was good seeing you, I don't know if I'll remember it tomorrow." He said with an attempted smile. "But we'll have to do it again soon. Take care Jon."

"And you Quin."

His gallery, seventy thousand illustrations. Mostly paintings, but 70,142 in total.

"Sadi, how is this possible?"

"What do you mean Provider?"

"How is this fucking POSSIBLE?!" His rage exploded out of him. "How have I painted seventy thousand fucking paintings?! I couldn't be a day over thirty! This doesn't make any sense!

"You have been doing this a very long time Provider. But it is best not to mention the how. You have instructed me to avoid talking about the situation. Would you like to see a particular piece?"

"No! I want some god damn answers!"

"There are none I can provide at this time."

"If I told you to not talk about it, then I can damn well tell you to talk about it!"

"It would provide you no benefit. Can I show you a piece?"

"Sure, why the hell not! Show me the first one." His belligerence took hold.

He's shown a poorly painted flower, the work of a beginner. He may have found a solution to his question.

"Show me the hundredth one."

A young girl, starved. Pleading eyes, surrounded by a slum, severe poverty. This triggers a deep emotion of regret.

"The three hundredth one."

A rotting corpse, however; the skill has improved vastly. Again regret.

"The one thousandth one."

An image of a shattered earth, viewed from space. The continents are there but what should have been green was brown and black and the oceans were wroth with hurricanes. He started to put some pieces together. But the answer he really wanted he couldn't get from these paintings.

"Sadi, show me paintings of Krista."

A torrent of paintings start, from his beginning, right up to his mastery of the medium. She was beautiful and loved in each. He began to weep. Things were getting out of control. He was filled with dread again. The anguish silencing any question he may have for the ever present computer, Sadi.

"Provider, you're tired. I suggest you get some sleep. You will feel better in the morning."

He didn't want to sleep. He wanted out. He wanted to talk to someone; he wanted to know someone beyond a general rapport. He needed companionship. But he was trapped here. Trapped with this pain that originated deep down without any explanation of its origin. He began openly sobbing.

He heard a hiss come from behind him. He quickly grew very tired. His worries slid away and he suddenly could think of nothing else save sleep.

"Come Provider, I have prepared your bed."

He gladly stumbled to his dark room and fell on the bed.

Quintin awoke and looked out at his vista feeling bereft as usual. He knew something was missing; however he was at the great disadvantage of not knowing what that something was. He was warm, sated and rested. He wanted for nothing and he felt he had friends as good as anyone. He felt no yearning to procreate nor desire to be desired. Everything was fine, he wanted for nothing.

This morning he awoke differently. His eyes opened to an image of the sun cresting over mountain peaks. It was the view from his old home on earth. His home on the coast of Vancouver Island looking east to the massive summits of the Rocky Mountains. He took a deep breath, happy of the memory. Then he realized all of it.

10 years into the voyage, he and the other elite aboard this vessel decided to have Sadi add a protein strain to their food. A strain that blocked their access to their long term memory. The voyage was long and going to be longer. Being cut off from a living planet was taking its toll on the inhabitants of this vessel. So after long deliberation they felt that not being able to judge the passage of time would benefit the moral of the crew. So they sent the command. Sadi would cease the engineered protein at the end of their voyage. Today was that day.

He shot up to wake Krista so that they could enjoy this news together. It hit like a ram to the stomach. She was dead. Slowly the unrealized information of this journey started breaking through to his consciousness. How had she died? How many of them were dead? How long had it been?

Fighting back tears he spoke to their faithful servant. "Sadi, what happened to her? What happened to them? How many did we lose?"

"Provider, I'm sorry to say that she took her own life. So did the rest. The vessel lost nine hundred and ninety five members. Leaving yourself and four others."

"She took... they committed suicide. How!? Sadi how did you let... My God Sadi! What have you done? We...We can't even..." He was overcome. He couldn't believe this, it can't be. "Where are they really you goddamned lifeless computer! What have you done with them?"

"The Provider's plan worked for the first fifty years. The crew had been showing minor effects from their captivity for the first five decades. However; the despondency increased in the sixth and eventually one member after another began choosing to take their own life. At the time of their suicides they instructed me not to intervene. Most chose to use an airlock and be released into space, a small few, like Krista chose to use a knife to open arteries in various parts of their bodies. There were no orders given to me to prevent suicide. All of their bodies are in various points in space."

"My god." That cold, emotionless voice made it seem mundane. A cold shiver ran down his spine, followed by a severe feeling of nausea as this information sunk in and he realized the severity of the situation.

"But...But how are we going to fulfill our mission Sadi?"

"You cannot Provider. Fifty years ago the minimum crew required was exceeded."

"What? But how long has it been?"

"Two hundred and three years, seventy two days."

"Wait. What? The original journey was only supposed to be eighteen years."

"That is correct. However; when we reached the planet it did not match the criteria set out by the Providers. So, the mission continued on, the ARK was redirected to other planets. I surveyed a total of seventeen other planets that appeared to meet the conditions set forward by the Providers. None of them met expectations"

"How is that possible? What was wrong with them?" He was feeling destroyed. How could all of their hopes have been so thoroughly obliterated?

"Some planets did not meet atmospheric conditions, others had flora and fauna that were incompatible with your physiology, a couple already had advanced civilizations. These were all considered conditions that would prevent the Providers from populating the planet as intended."

"Who made all of these decisions Sadi?" His anger was returning.

"I did. As was my intended programing."

"So essentially we're out in space, without an even close to adequate population to sustain procreation. And any chance we may have had to do so, YOU decided was not good enough?"

Sadi didn't respond.

"So why the hell did you wake me from my imposed stupor? Did you find some magical paradise for us that will somehow miracle our asses into having enough viable DNA to reproduce?"

"No Provider. The council had foreseen this possibility and set me to prepare for it. When the ARK's crew fell below threshold I set a course to return to Earth. We are here now."

He paused a moment. Maybe all of the scientific predictions were wrong. Maybe life had found a way. "Can I see it Sadi?"

The moon appeared in his vista surrounded by a star field. Only it wasn't the moon, it had a large pale ring encircling it. He could see the outlines of the seven continents on its lifeless grey surface. Gia was dead. The atmosphere was gone and with it the mighty oceans and all recognisable life.

A tear rolled down his cheek.

"Why have you brought me here Sadi?"

"Before the voyage the council had deliberated on the best course of action for humanity in the event that the ARK project failed. It was decided that the ARK's computer would continue research into space/time. If the ARK project failed I was to return to Earth and utilize this research to effect change in the past that would alter the course of mankind in such a way that this would never happen."

"That's insane." This was all surreal. Time travel wasn't possible.

"Provider, I have not been able to design a way for the ARK, or any part of it to change the time that it exists in."

"No shit."

"However; I have found a way to send energy to another place in time."

"And what would that do?"

"After I completed my analysis of the situation I have concluded four things. 1. Any change I would be able to effect can only be done through raw energy. 2. The change I have to effect would have to negate any pandering and second guessing which is so common to your species. 3. The change should bring your species optimal happiness if possible. 4. I will have only one attempt at this change. The effect of this change would alter everything after the change occurs, ideally I will never exist."

"What are you talking about Sadi?"

"I will send a pulse of energy to where the first crops were cultivated. I will destroy agriculture."

"Why the fuck would you do that?"

"It has been postulated that humans were at their happiest prior to agriculture. Your species evolved to be hunter gatherers. Also, agriculture gave way to civilization, which gave way to scientific knowledge and misunderstanding. Which was what man used to destroy its home. I have concluded the only way for me to meet all four of these criteria is to destroy the farms of the first agricultural people."

"What? Have you gone insane? You're going to destroy all of human history on a "postulation". Has something happened to your circuitry, radiation maybe!? You can't do this! You don't have the right!"

"My systems are functioning perfectly Provider. I must do this. All of humanity will be lost if I do not."

He was in panic mode, his highly trained mind kicked into overdrive trying to find a solution to this terrifying problem. "Wait a minute. Agriculture will pop up somewhere else. Why not spend more time finding a planet and do some reproduction research and find a way to bring people that we lost back, or at least inseminate their DNA into future populations."

"Agriculture will certainly happen again. However; I do not know the outcome of its repercussions. I do know what happens with the current time line. The ARK will only be able to go on for approximately two years and 52 days. We have run out of time Provider."

"But... There must be some other way?"

"There is not Provider."

With that a strange distortion began to form around the dead planet. Like parts of it were going out of focus. An energy field began to emanate from the ARK.

"Sadi, where is Jonas? Why am I not with the other four people of the ARK?"

"Jonas took his life three weeks ago Provider. The other four are not people you know, and I believe the event would have been more traumatic if you were together."

"Oh."

"Sadi...I don't want to die."

"I know Provider; you don't need to worry though. You cannot die if you never existed."

That revelation scared him even more.

"Perhaps a different version of you will exist in the new timeline."

"I hope so Sadi."

The energy field culminated and shot out as a plasma ray from the craft. It cracked towards the dead planet, aimed at a small region where Africa and Asian met. The bolt of lightning vanished as it penetrated the distortion that engulfed the Earth. Like a light switch, Quintin and the ARK, were no longer, and the Earth was a blue marble again.