Death By Chocolate Cake

The war was won.

After months of conflict, the snipes, the tactical warfare, the endless noise. It was finally over. They claimed their territory. No peace treaty. No chance. The enemy developed the ultimate weapon. I didn’t stand a chance after such an ingenious invention was deployed. My brain split, envious of such underhanded tactics but overwhelmed by such unrivalled beauty. Who could resist? It wasn’t the trail of her peachy aroma as she elegantly waltzed through the office. It wasn’t her delicate voice or perfectly bouncy hair. It was one innocent slice of chocolate cake.

Tammy’s famous killer chocolate delight. Our department’s favourite. Not mine. The tantalisingly crisp cherries ruined the light cocoa drizzled sponge. It was a layered mess. The butter icing was as widespread over her cake as her legs were for my man – it was hastily plastered over her creation. Surprisingly, the cake was perfectly sliced into precise angles, unlike the abomination on her face she called eyeliner. It took control over every single nerve in my body not to dress her in her own cake; it would deprive several poor pigs that could eat such gutter slop. Yet, like jovial children on a snow day, every colleague sat at their desks agog staring at the sweet treat.

It was then I knew. It was all a ploy to entrap him. The prize of our warfare. Her sickly smirk smothered her face as she slinked past my stall. His new lover, the temptress, the seductress, the ruthless breaker of hearts – she’s on a mission. Objective: deliver the package, win the battle, and break my heart. The most painful part? He’s utterly enthralled by her every move. One slice of cake solidifies her victory.

That.

Could.

Not.

Happen.

Tacticians will praise the battle strategy I developed in mere seconds. The lit candles. The faulty fire alarm. The brilliant manoeuvres. The failed execution. There was no glorious down pour from the sprinklers. No screaming woman dropping cake to her feet in a shrill. No vengeance. The package was delivered. Dispatched with a victorious grin. It was over. The cake passed his perfectly perky lips. Lips I will never get to kiss. The world droned on in an agonisingly sluggish pace. Each second of delight spreading across his face was a year of torment, knowing that I wasn’t its source.

He looked up to his baking goddess, blushing. His glowing topaz eyes dilated as his cheeks flushed bright red. Speechless. His face swelled with joy.

Wait.

That wasn’t joy.

That was fear.

Gasping, his body seized and convulsed on his desk. The sudden thrashing swiped the cake from under the unexpecting Tammy, launching it into the air. The lit candles. The faulty fire alarm. The glorious downpour. Panic. As time caught up, the office flailed as harshly as my semi-conscious lover. Alarms. Lights. The brutal spray of water. An onslaught to the senses. Tammy froze. Her eyeliner now reasonably imperfect, dribbling onto the spasming body beneath her.

Nuts.

Reluctantly, a voice roared from within me, commanding her to rifle his desk “His pen!” The order falling on shocked ears, her hazel eyes widened as her brain started to compute the words. Within seconds, she broke from her fear and acquired the vial of orange saviour. Looking back at me for reassurance, her eyes were beacons of sincerity. Her infectious aura got to me. “You got this!” She did, she just needed guidance. I made a swift jabbing motion to my upper thigh, providing her with the support she needed. The peace treaty formed in one motion, exchanging a weak smile of solidarity. “Three. Two. One” My slow countdown gave her the time to collect her thoughts.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” the sprinkler’s water merging with the tears sliding down her face. “B-Both of you.” Her stuttered voice broke on the count of one. Tammy’s words pleading to the universe. As she pulled the injector from his thigh, the universe replied. A cruel twist of fate. A small portion of chocolate cake clung to the empty syringe needle.

That was the last time Tammy’s infamous killer chocolate delight entered the office.