Daylight Saving

Tonight I'll be an hour older — on paper. Isn't this an ominous, capricious erasure of universal space-time? An hour skipped by making it non-existent? A true vacuum which, as we know, is impossible.

A vacuum is unstable. Seemingly empty, virtual particles snap in and out as long as they end up zero. Thus, we have [time + anti-time], canceling.

Usually this just means an extra hour of summer sunlight or a sunset an hour later. But for we sensiteevos...VERY disconcerting.

What happens during that hour? Anything important? Must be, or why else would they want to keep it a secret? You know who I'm talking about. The Illuminati. The Omnipulative. All to keep under wraps the vicious timeworms who slither, undetected, between the microseconds during our quotidian space-seconds and space-minutes, and for that one space-hour of our space-time. Will deja vu become que sera, sera?

Take my "little hand" and come with me on a temporal excursion into the forbidden time zone, where sit the Emerald City, Shangri-La, and the island of Frisland.

We must move quickly, lest be pushed forcibly to 2 o'clock. This isn't as hard as it seems; our internal biological, circadian, diurnal clock, as calibrated, thinks its still 1:00 AM. Bureaucracy can't legislate an odometer roll-up on our internal clock! The New England Journal of Medicine cited a 24% increase in heart attacks on the Monday after. Monday, itself the most frequently heart-attacked day, pre-loaded with a missing hour of space-time. You're just asking for it!

Transcript from the Pineal Department of the brain; 12:59 AM:

Should I make more melatonin? Should I make less? Or should I just say, "Screw it!" and only emphasize pigmented moles and skin blotches?

Transcript from the Cardiac Division:

Springing forward an extra hour would normally represent about 5,000 heartbeats. I move we skip 200 beats/hour that day.

Any discussion?

I amend the motion that the skipped beats be PVCs every hour on the hour.

I also amend the motion that there be a bit of dizziness, quizziness, and nausea, just to remind our honorable host not to mess with us.

The motion carried. The ERs filled. And the ECG tracing paper company stock rallied.

__________

AUTHOR'S NOTES:

Frisland: https://blogs.loc.gov/maps/2019/10/the-mysterious-island/

New England Journal of Medicine: https://newsroom.heart.org/local-news/washington-heres-your-wake-up-call-daylight-saving-time-may-impact-your-heart-health#:~:text=While%20gaining%20extra%20daylight%20may,switch%20to%20daylight%20saving%20time