Incompetence Aforethought

"All right, the fire has been put out, but we'd still like to do an inspection for stability before we let anyone back in."

"Thank you. I've been trying to get Management on the line, but no dice. The incident report is going to be a nightmare."

"Fires can start in unexpected ways..."

"No, it's the bit about sticking to the facts and neutral language. I won't be able to sound neutral without sugarcoating things, and I can't stick to the facts without sounding like a fairytale about someone too stupid to live."

"It's that unbelievable?"

"It's that stupid."

"We could do with a report, as well, if you don't mind me walking you through it."

"I don't know the exact time, but it started when we were taking out meal break after giving the residents dinner. I got called away from my burrito because a resident had spilled something."

"Doesn't that defeat the purpose of a meal break?"

"Welcome to Nursing, And Retail. And Hospitality in general."

"Yeah, I get it. And Emergency Services. Go on."

"In the time it took me to clean up the spill, my shift partner ate my dinner -"

"He what?"

"Apparently, he was hungry, and I hadn't specifically and explicitly told him that he couldn't have it. Then he stuck the foil in the microwave because he'd read online that it was a good way to clean it."

"Only if you count 'clensing through fire' as cleaning..."

"This is the same person who didn't see a difference between hanging wet clothes out to dry and leaving them on the floor, because 'they get the same air anyway', and somehow reached the age of 27 without learning how to make a sandwich."

"You're joking."

"I wish."

"Weaponised Incompetence?"

"Wouldn't be the first, but he's held out far longer than they normally do."

"What do you mean 'normally'?"

"The sector's understaffed, so they'll hire anyone who claims to be able to do the work. That means we get a lot of casuals who count on being paired with someone who will pick up their slack on the 'Women's work'. I've made it clear that I'll instruct them, but they won't be getting out of it."

"Bet you're popular."

"Immensely. I do the same with people who claim to be feeling sick. I'll call rostering for a replacement, but I'm not doing double workloads without double pay."

"Good for you. Rising tides lift all boats, but slackers let everyone down."

"Most of them give up and do it after they figure out I'm serious and it's easier to do it properly. He's still claiming that he doesn't know how to do it.

"If he's that incapable of basic domestic chores, why is he working here?"

"Believe me, we've been asking Management the same question for a month or more."

"So that's how the fire started? Putting your burrito foil in the microwave?"

"Mm. I told him to evacuate the apartment and close the doors behind him, while I ran to get everyone else out. Then I had to specify that he had to bring the residents with him."

"Oh, my God..."

"I have stronger phrases, if you'd like to borrow them."

"Better not, I get in enough trouble for my language already."

"You see what I mean about sounding unbelievable, right?"

"Oh, yeah. Well, you seem to have done everything correctly, and I would say I'm sorry about the liklihood of having to switch jobs, but you're probably better off away from Management like this."

"I was on my way out anyway. Just... the residents are nice, and they desrve better than the care they're getting."

"But you can only scream into the Void for so long."

"Yeah. Anyway, I'd better start writing, in case the computer is a write-off."

"You've got a pen and paper? Mind if I borrow it for a second?"

"Sure."

"Here."

"..."

"..."

"I'm bad at recognising hints. Is this your number and are you asking me out?"

"Only if you're interested. If you're not, consider me an uninvolved ear for any post-incident venting."

"Assuming I don't get fired, I'll finish at 9:00 AM tomorrow. Want to meet up for lunch?"

"Sounds wonderful."

"House is clear, but the office is a loss and there's a fair bit of smoke damage."

"In that case, I'd better get everyone back inside and start airing things out. Pick a cafe that serves alcohol. I have a feeling I'll need it."

"Are you finished talking? We aren't going to get into trouble for this, are we? Anyway, it was your foil wrapper."

"..."

"Just remember, neither of us are paid enough to afford your bail for capitol crimes."

"I'm not going to kill him. That would be too merciful. Besides, the prosecution would know the odds of finding a jury that would convict me."