ATBG

Twenty-four and still going out of her way to avoid basic interactions with familiar faces. Ginger drew in a few deep breaths through her thin, parted lips as her stubby legs went into overdrive to propel her in the opposite direction of her duplex. Now, instead of the usual two blocks it would take for her to get home from her weekly study session at Starbucks she’d have to take the long six block walk in the blistering heat, but she would also be less likely to run into anyone she knows which caused her to slouch her board shoulders in relief – making her appear shorter than her five foot six stature already did.

She took the first three blocks like a champ, her small feet pounding the pavement with intent, only a few beads of sweat sliding past her almost perfectly arched eyebrows --eyebrows that took her twenty minutes to get semi-identical with her Anastasia Dipbrow Pomade. She quickly dismissed the thought and it was replaced by another even quicker. Why did she take so much time and effort in her appearance if she would go out of way to not be seen? She couldn’t say that she got all gussied up solely for herself because it wouldn’t be true. The distressed Levi jeans that she had to wiggle-hop into along with her favorite, but very flat hot pink bejeweled sandals that conveniently showcased her pastel blue painted nails would definitely be in her closet if she didn’t care what people thought or would possibly think of her appearance. Sometimes she thought insecurity was the culprit of her silly actions, but Ginger wasn’t all that insecure. She embraced the parts of herself that once made her self-conscious, like her buck teeth or the many dark brown spots that splattered themselves over her chest and arms, a long time ago. As elementary as it may sound, she was just socially awkward. It was safe to say that this awkwardness had surpassed “first day of Kindergarten”/ new kid on the block awkward and had crept its way into whatever the “I ran from a guy I’ve actually had countless group encounters with” section would be dubbed.

Now that she thought about it, there was no reason to jet off, the man was obviously just coming to partake in his local franchise coffee chain. Hopefully he didn’t see her duck off in the other direction while he was approaching, he was bound to think she was weird. He probably thought that anyway, but she couldn’t afford for it to be worse than it possibly was. “Why am I like this”, she interrupted her thoughts as she spoke softly to herself. Softly as if the people on the bustling streets of New York would even give her a second glance if it was louder. That one question did it, those five words began to take her down a rabbit hole of all of her awkward, uneasy interactions.

The first time she met Elijah, the man who was to blame for her pups panting as she knocked down another block, was a few months ago at some random, hippy event in SoHo. Even in a group setting, he stood out from the crowd. His dark skin was like the smoothest of marble which was further complimented by his chiseled jawline that led to full, mauve tinted lips. The only thing that stood between him and perfection was a black birthmark smack dab in the middle of his cheek in the shape of a half-eaten pizza, but that didn’t stop Ginger from taking him in like communion on a first Sunday. She could remember it like it was yesterday, her eyes quickly diverted from his onto the floor once he looked in her direction. This floor could really use some cleaning, she thought and before her mind could go off on a tangent about how good Pine Sol smelled or how the patterns in the floor came together to resemble various Renaissance paintings, she was cut off by the words of the guest speaker. “I’ve had a good morning and I want to help extend that feeling to you all. Find three people to hug,” She exclaimed through the mic.

That wasn’t so difficult though because Ginger had come with two people, so technically she would only have to hug one. Simple, until it wasn’t. After hugging her two friends, her feet had gained a mind of their own and were walking in Elijah’s direction and by some sort of bad luck, his were walking in her direction. Her hands immediately began to moisten with sweat as her heart dropped to her stomach, but her arms began to outstretch regardless. Just when she was in front of him, her brain made a quick decision to not go through with its original action which caused her to recoil and make a high-pitched screeching sound in his face – his almost perfect face. He was a good sport about it as he stared at her in confusion momentarily until walking away.

As she further thought about it, that was how many of her encounters with people ended. Them walking away. Once, she attended a paint and sip class in hopes to meet new people in an attempt to be proactive about her social awkwardness. She walked into the building alone with her beady eyes glistening with optimism and after checking in, she took a seat next to a woman who looked to be in her late 20s. She wore yellow platform Crocs which Ginger took as a sign of carefreeness because if you can walk out of the house in Crocs then you couldn’t possibly care about the opinions of others and that’s what Ginger needed – carefreeness. She opened her mouth to introduce herself, but as the woman looked at her, she quickly turned her head to the canvas that rested in front of her. She shifted uneasily in her seat as if the woman would swallow her whole if she got too close. This must’ve made the woman uncomfortable because moments later, her and her yellow crocs were walking to the next table.

Ginger shook her head in hopes to rid her mind of all of her cringe-worthy run-ins with being social. Nothing could come of reliving her worst moments, except the fact that she had finally made it home. Once inside the duplex, she immediately kicked off her sandals and threw her large, blue tote bag onto the kitchen island. All of that swift walking had caused her to work up an appetite. She didn’t bother to go to her fridge to check for food, there was never anything in there but wine. Spending her life in a constant state of awkwardness had turned her into quite the oenophile. UberEats was usually her go to and as she grabbed her phone, she had already made up her mind to order her usual. As she unlocked the screen, she noticed a text from an unsaved number and as much as she wanted to ignore it to order her food, she figured she’d be better off answering it now than forgetting it later. The blue text bubble read:

Maybe: Elijah – This is Elijah Jacobs. We’ve met a few times, I’m not sure if you remember, but I’m texting you because you left your wallet at Starbucks. I got your address from your driver’s license and would like to drop it off if you’re home?

Ginger could feel her pulse begin to race as her eyes took on each word of the text. She soon found herself taking deep breaths at the possibility of being in the same space, alone with Elijah. Her phone slipped from her hands and how could it not? She was sweating like it was midsummer in the deep south. “How could you be so stupid?” Her words were followed by various shrieks and jumping as she threw her mini tantrum. “Who? Who leaves their wallet in a Starbucks of all places!” She would’ve continued the stern talking to she had started with herself, but she knew she needed to respond. She picked up her phone and sat on a bar stool as she constructed the message.

Ginger: Hello Elijah…I actually am home and would love if you could run my wallet by.

As soon as she pressed send, her hand palmed her forehead and her stern talking had begun again. “Hello Elijah? Who the hell is that formal? And you would love, ugh you’re so freaking thirsty! He’s going to think you’re thirsty!” She was up and pacing by this time, when she suddenly heard a ding causing her to check her phone.

Maybe: Elijah – Alright, great. I’m right down the street so I’ll be there in 10 mins.

“Ten minutes!” Ginger dramatically fell on the floor, taking up two of her ten minutes to freak out before regaining her composure. She shuffled her way to the bathroom once she was on her feet again. It was time for a pep talk. “He is going to come over here and give you your wallet and you are going to act totally natural because you are fully capable of doing so.” With each word she wagged her finger at her reflection. “Besides, who is HE for you to be intimidated? Shaken? Stirred? No one. You are not the Ginger from an hour ago. You are bold.” She ended her encouraging words with a clap and as if she was summoning boldness. Then, there was a knock on the door. She looked at herself one more time in the mirror and she knew it was showtime. She boldly approached the door and slung it back, recoiling immediately when he came into view. “Hi.” So much for the talk, but at least she said it with a smile. Of course, him being the gentlemen that he was, he returned the greeting with an even warmer one. His teeth almost dazzled as he smiled, or maybe she was just seeing things. It was probably the latter. She stood in front of him, taking note of every feature of his face and it must’ve taken her a while because when she came to again, he was clearing his throat. Great, now he’s going to think she’s weird and a creep. She shook her head and stood to the side in order to let him in the door.

“You have to excuse me; the heat has me acting…uhm…loopy.” She hit her forehead while chuckling nervously. Maybe her joke would be perceived well, even though she was partially serious.

“I understand, if I didn’t check the weather. I’d think this was record breaking heat.” He spoke with a deep, amusing tone so the joke must’ve gone over well. As Ginger mentally cheered herself on, she realized that she had started a conversation on weather. Weather, of all things! Who can keep a conversation about weather going! So, here she was trying to make as little eye contact as possible.

“Oh, I apologize, here’s your wallet. The barista told me you had just left too. I didn’t even see you.” He extended his arm to hand over the wallet causing Ginger to inch back as if it was second nature. Don’t clam up, don’t clam up, she recited these words repeatedly as she pushed herself forward to grab the wallet.

She spoke only after clearing her throat, “I couldn’t thank you enough, I would’ve hated if it fell into the wrong hands.” Wow, a full sentence with any awkward breaks or weird pauses? She was getting the hang of this, but even her pep talk couldn’t get her through what happened next.