An Official-Unofficial Instruction Manual for Being a Buffalo Bills Fan

Purpose

This manual will teach you how to be a Buffalo Bills fan: how to prepare, how to hope responsibly, how to endure, and how to remain inexplicably loyal in conditions that would cause reasonable people to choose a different hobby and/or team.

Completion of this manual does not guarantee happiness. It does guarantee character.

Step 1: Accept Your Origin Story

You do not "choose" to be a Bills fan in the traditional sense. You inherit it, stumble into it, or are emotionally adopted by someone who says, “Just wait till next year,” with alarming sincerity. This can be quite compelling.

At some point, you will realize this is permanent.

Do not fight this realization. Resistance only makes the heartbreak louder.

Step 2: Learn the Geography of Hope

Understand the following landmarks:

- Orchard Park: where weather and destiny collaborate

- Lake Erie: the source of wind, snow, and excuses

- The parking lot: sacred ground

You will speak of these places with reverence, even when they cause you pain.

If someone says, “Why don’t you just move the team?” stop listening. They are not ready.

Step 3: Dress for the Game (and the Elements)

A Bills fan does not dress for fashion. A Bills fan dresses for survival.

Required items include:

- At least one piece of Bills gear older than you admit

- Layers that suggest both preparedness and defiance, usually a snowsuit for at least part of the season

- A hat that implies you’ve been through something

In winter, you must wear shorts at least once to prove a point no one asked you to prove.

Step 4: Master the Pre-Game Rituals

Tailgating is not optional. It is how we warm up emotionally and physically.

You may:

- Grill food in sideways snow

- Drink beverages that should not be consumed at 9:00 a.m.

- Jump through tables (this is an advanced protocol. Please observe first and proceed with caution)

All actions must be performed with joy and a vague sense of danger.

If you do not tailgate, you must still tell people you “would have, but…”

Step 5: Learn the Language

You must speak fluently in:

- “This is our year”

- “The refs screwed us”

- “At least the defense looks good”

- “There’s always next week” or, later in the season, "There's always next year"

You must also be able to list former quarterbacks in a tone that suggests both scholarship and trauma.

Step 6: Watch the Game Properly

When the game starts:

- Sit down for approximately 30 seconds

- Stand up again immediately

- Remain standing for the rest of the half

React strongly to every play, including commercials.

If the Bills score early, feel joy but do not trust it.

If the Bills fall behind, say, “Plenty of time,” even when there is clearly not.

Step 7: Experience Hope (Carefully)

Hope is allowed, but it must be rationed.

You may think:

- “Josh Allen can do this”.. (in my day it was "Jim Kelly" but let's not age me just yet).

- “We’re different now”

- “This feels special”

Immediately counterbalance each thought with a memory from the past.

This keeps you sharp.

Step 8: Endure the Middle Part

There will be a stretch of the game where nothing makes sense.

At this time, you should:

- Pace

- Shake your head

- Say “unbelievable” repeatedly

Blame weather, coaching, injuries, or fate, in that order.

Never blame yourself. You are innocent.

Step 9: Handle the Outcome Appropriately

If the Bills win:

- Celebrate loudly

- Hug strangers

- Announce Super Bowl plans you will later deny making

If the Bills lose:

- Stare into the distance

- Say “same old Bills” despite knowing it’s not entirely true

- Begin emotional recovery within 12–72 hours

Both outcomes require wings. Suggested venue: Bar-Bill Tavern in East Aurora, NY.

Step 10: Defend the Team Year-Round

In the offseason, you must:

- Read too much into draft picks

- Convince yourself this missing piece changes everything

- Defend the Bills against criticism from non-Bills fans

Only you are allowed to complain. Outsiders “don’t understand.”

Step 11: Repeat Indefinitely

Being a Bills fan is not seasonal. It is a cycle.

Each year you will:

- Reset expectations

- Rebuild hope

Bill-ieve again

This is not foolishness. This is resilience.

Final Note

Being a Buffalo Bills fan means loving a team that has broken your heart and earned your loyalty at the same time.

You will suffer.

You will laugh.

You will believe when logic says not to.

And when someone asks why you stick with them, you will simply say:

“Because they’re my team.” And you will mean it.