A Promise Unbroken

"That guy comes every month…"

Arriving at the cemetery, I walked through the wrought iron gate

That's what I heard the regular security guard tell the other one. I offered him a weak smile and sidestepped the scattered maple leaves.

One of a thousand tombstones, but I could see her grave, speckled with yellow flowers, just fine. I felt like her face, frozen in her brightest smile on that tombstone, had waited years, unmoving.

I fixed my gaze on her smile.

This March 22nd, 05 years….

You still remember me, right?

"I could just hear her voice..."

My trembling fingers glided over her headstone.

"Yes, I remember, Walla. I still remember…"

I whispered softly.

I carefully picked up the yellow rose I had brought for her and placed it on her grave. I pulled out the long envelope from my jacket pocket and placed next to it.

"This is for you…. as I promised…."

I slowly closed my eyes. If that day had never happened a few years ago, things would have gone pretty much all differently…

''I have to go on this journey, Buddhi…''

So her last call to me that day came with great sadness.

You really going to go, Walla…''

And I, why I asked her the day and that strange nagging feeling I felt…

"I can't leave you. I mean, I couldn't leave you like that. It hurts me. USA I want to stay with you … I want to stay with you …

In my head, I hushed a thousand things.

"Buddhi…"

"Um….."

"Listen. As a regular girl, I do not want to be your bride. I want to be an intellectual and a gifted girl. I want to be fit for you, I want to be what fits your situation: I want to come to you and you can proudly say this is my wife.

She said proudly.

''I didn't expect a thing from you. I just wanna Volya read to my little one, forever.. but I don't wanna ruin your dreams be careful where you go."

We read a lot more stuff…laughed. We made up.

"Volya. One little thing…."

''Listen…I will answer anything for you then…''

From now on my thoughts… my feelings, how do I put it… I have a lot to say to you over the course of the day…whom do I tell… I'll get so drunk..

When you say that, Buddhi, it's hard for me''

''I don't know if I'll give you an answer over and I'll leave…

''Alright…you write everything down, all the feelings. Then you write everything you think you want to tell me, on long sheets of paper. Kind of like those letters that you would roll up and give to me back in school… I'm holding on to… like that… so you keep sending it to me every single month. I promise you, I will go through all this… Not just go through, I'll read, reread it two three times… And after all this is done, I will remember you on those pages and put a small kiss on them.. You will feel it, Buddhi…

"Um… I'm going to do it." So definitely…"

" Promise me? ''You will write to me, surely you will?''

"Yes… I promise you…"

And so I could not imagine what happened that night. She had a flight to catch in the morning.

I felt this urge to hug her and say goodbye. So I hurriedly got ready. An untold pain pierced my heart. And I even thought about it while bathing, but I did not have this ordaining pain.

So I went to my room, and she had called 3 times.

There was a text message too.

"Buddhi… are you coming? And so we left here, and we. I got somethin' to tell you. Come quick…"

I just didn't know that was going to be the last text I ever received from her.''

From there after I called her repeatedly and she informed me that her phone was unreachable from other side.

A few minutes later, I received the most disturbing call I have ever received in the world.

''Sir… Here we are at Katunayake Police Station. A while ago, this phone's owner had an accident. The last caller was to this gentleman's number … is this gentleman this lady's?

There she was, fighting for life in the intensive care unit of the Colombo General Hospital and giving up all her dreams.

The accident occurred when the cab she was in collided with another van and veered off the road, crashing into a building. The driver and her mother had escaped the accident relatively unscathed, but the passenger in front she had suffered traumatic injuries to her head.

She fought for her life for three hours and 40 minutes after the accident. In the end, all she dreamed of evaporated into the air, and those brown eyes, which I loved the most, went closed forever.

And so today has been 5 years since she was gone. Rain or shine, I see her on the 22nd of every month. And I told myself, I would write down all that I had to say to her, then I would let it be.

I have endured a lot. But what could I cherish from her dying words.

And so before tears ran down my cheeks, I kissed her goodbye.

So when I say goodbye to her every day, and I get in my car and drive away, I just suddenly jump on my seat. The other day, I felt someone or something touch me on my forehead.

In that moment, I parked the car and remembered her words.

I will read through all of that word for word. I will read it two or three times… I will think of you again on that pages and on that pages I will have printed a little kiss on them. You will feel it, Buddhi…"

Love is a powerful feeling. That visceral thing so many people most have it for at their own disposal and just throw it in the gutter. They give it away for profit.fit.