A lesser known death

I never gave much thought about death; I’ve always been content with life. Ask anyone who knows me.

Preferring not to dwell on the dark side of life, I will always believe that everything lives on. As far as I am concerned my two cats, one dog, three hamsters and seven fish are living their best years on some magical farm, like the Noah’s Ark of retired pets, which can sustain an infinite number of animals. Oh yeah , and the snake I so desperately wanted, until I watched it eat. So technically two hamsters living on the farm, having seen where the third hamster actually went.

So now I find myself in an interesting place. This action I have currently undertook is due in part to a simple change in my life when I decided to wander down a lesser-known path one idle morning and almost died. From that incident an epiphany hit me, the reality that I was not truly living a life but chose to have a mundane existence instead. That revelation has me now doing and trying things that I never would have considered even reading about, after all reading is a gateway drug to... binge watching and gaming which leads to keeping an introvert....introverted. Unless of course it is a scholastic book, and classic movies, then that is just common sense. I'm talking about those fictional books and over the top shows of adventure that lead to destruction and dribbling romance.

The wind howling around me forces me to look up at the mess I currently am in and face reality. Honestly, this is all Judey's fault, after she rescued me from that lesser know room incident I felt obligated to accept her offer and join her today, in this udder madness of team bonding.

Jumping from a perfectly good airplane is insane, this is the new me. My mind is flooded with thoughts as I plummet with the rip cord in my hand. No, literally a 'ripped cord' is in my hand, flapping in the wind, I may have pulled a tad bit too hard. Instruction: Pull cord, parachute releases, parachute opens, and you drift peacefully with the birds and the clouds. A moment of being one with the world, unless the damn chute never opens and you have moments of reflection rather than bliss, hurtling at one hundred and twenty miles an hour or one hundred and ninety-three kilometers per hour for all my metric friends, before my inevitable splatter. I should explain a few things about myself, so you can fondly remember the person I once was and the person I was trying to become.

My full name is Maverik Cole-Thomas Peddimore. I go by Thomas

My parents couldn’t decide which Tom Cruise character to name me after so this was what they so brilliantly decided upon, after smoking a joint and indulging in a bottle of honey suckle wine, (Okay, I made that up I don't know what type of wine they were drinking). They did the same for my sister, you don’t want to know what they named her, but she dislikes it very much.

I like solitude and being alone with my thoughts, or rather had enjoyed that lifestyle, now I am a maverick...hey that is ironic. Maybe my parents knew something about me that I didn't know. Honestly, I believe I am this way because I wanted to be entirely different from my parents. They're lovely people, but what is the term I am looking for ....oh ya, they're bat shit crazy. Hippy, earth loving, free spirited folk who live for the day and worry about...nope they never worry and there in lies the problem.

They now own a shoe company they created, that rivals Birkenstock. The main difference is theirs are environmentally friendly. They used to drive around in a vintage 1960's V.W. bus, touring around with a bunch of other bug loving people. A continuous roving group of gypsies, one step shy of being a cult. Now their gang is a crew of geriatrics riding Emmo zone electric motorcycles. Ok, not geriatrics yet, but they are in their fifties. When I was younger we moved around so much I felt like a Dung Beatle packing up and pushing his shit to a different location every year. And you wonder why I tried to live my life differently.

Let’s return to my inevitable demise, and how I got here, shall we.

As mentioned, my new friend Judey talked me into skydiving as an office bonding treat. I found myself at a small airfield at seven in the morning where we were given a crash course on jumping from a plane. Before I knew it we were air born, geared up staring at an open door looking at nothing but sky. The wind howling in the hollow tube. The instructor needed to yell his final steps too us before we got tossed out, following each other like lemurs plunging over a cliff.

While my nerves may have gotten the better of me I tried not to show it, however I was unable to convince others, especially Judey. As I witnessed these primates leaping one at a time to their deaths, it came down to Judey and myself. Without warning she leaned over and kissed me….I barely knew her. It was wonderful.

As my eyes followed her out I glimpsed a minnie mouse tattoo on the back of her neck. I love Disney, and I think I may like Judey. So, like a fool I too jumped…

So now we are all caught up.

I am falling and literally watching my life flash past. Staring down upon the one thing I truly do not care for…the great outdoors. Don’t get me started on the evils of camping. I see the lake below growing larger waiting to accept my body into its cool waters and suck me down into it’s dark liquid depths. Perhaps the trees sharp limbs will skewer my body like a Sunday BBQ shish kebab.

Considering the rate of an average human reaching terminal velocity, falling from this height, and taking into consideration wind resistance, I believe the review of my life to be complete in seventy-five seconds. A long time to wait in a drive through for your big mac and fries, not so long when you are plunging to your inevitable death. I always assumed I would be cremated, but judging from the impending impact it appears it will be an instant burial.

My mind starts reeling, going over every detail of this mornings course, jump, pull cord, gracefully land…. WAIT, now I remember; I have a second chute. Frantically I fumble for the chord and feel the beautiful lifesaving rope in my hand.

GENTLY pulling the reserve chute, I feel the instant lift, it is like a new lease on life, as if am rising unto the heavens themselves. After spinning uncontrollably for a few turns I finally settle into a nice steady descent. I see life as it should be seen, inhaling the freshest air in the world, and behold the majesty of the land below. I see from up here why people would enjoy the concept of sleeping in the wilds, pitching a tent, flimsy or not. Sitting by a fire, comprised of actual logs, while gazing into the endless stars feeling minuscule amongst the unknown vastness of space. I am drawn to the wonders that the universe hides from us and at the same time, have never felt closer to understanding life than at this very moment.

An image of Judey flashes in my mind and realize now that she has been there all along and I failed to see her. That will change, I shall ask her out on a date, or perhaps I shall serve her a dish of my famous trout Almondine. Okay, I've never made it, but it sounds delicious.

I cannot help but marvel at the beauty below, the winding rivers, lush forest, vast open plains.

Leonardo da Vinci said it best. ‘For once you have tasted flight, you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skywards, for there you have been and there you will long to return.’

Perhaps I may have been too harsh regarding camping and sky diving. I mean look at the beauty, the sky, the fields of….. wait, are those power lines?

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To read more on our intrepid adventurer and find out how he got to be in this prediciment:

Also, stay tuned for the final chapter in the adventures of Maverik Cole-Thomas Peddimore, coming soon to a Vocal Spot near you.

Number 1

Aptly named Number 2