208 Topic 14

Some topics are designated "need to know." Those who need to know know who they are. While it ain't me, still, I do know. I figured it all out.

My regular work is political card shuffling. For example, the polls say to take the average of three Trumps, divide by one Clinton, then determine the logarithm by taking the derivative of Biden, and bring it to the power of George Santos which, of course, is an imaginary number. Don't forget to carry the Mitch McConnell, which is how he gets around.

Good to know: in the case of political card shuffling, you're allowed to hide a card up your sleeve. Just ask the Teamsters.

Then there's Topic 14, which is worse than Project 2025.

It's not lost on me what befalls those writing about it. Now that will befall me. Of all the need-to-know topics, no one needs to know Topic 14. I've laid it out in a six-page looseleaf, magazine-cut-lettered explanation in an envelope addressed to TMZ, complete with a 32-pt, red-fonted Gothic-themed hand-stamp, reading,

"PLEASE MAIL IF I DIE [Apply Postage--the Post Office Will Not Deliver Mail Without Postage]."

I've heard the terrifying rumors.

Remember Les Nemosty? No? He tried to leak Topic 14 from a sky-writing plane, to light up skies with its nefarious purpose. No one remembers Les. He had taken off from the Black Flag Roach Airport ("They take off, but they don't land!)

Remember Frankie Rhodopsin? No? He was forced to write bad shakedown checks to the Italian Heritage Organized Mime Society of Silent Killers. You won't be seeing him no more.

Remember Bill Rubin? He was extorted to slap Mike Tyson in his fat, fleshy head and call him a pussy. Terry Terrazzo? He was forced into a shotgun marriage to one of the Kardashians, twice--or into marrying two of them, once--no one can tell the difference. Either way, it meant three divorces and Terrazzo being put into the witness protection program (following the "Life with the Kardashians" program on Hulu, Thursday nights).

What is Topic 14? you ask. ARE YOU CRAZY! YOU REALLY WANT TO KNOW?

All I can say is...What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. (#bullshit)

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AUTHOR'S NOTES:

PS: Wouldn't you know it? Now I have to refigure everything by including the square root of Kamala Harris! Where's my clunkulator?

For Friday, July 26, Day 208 of the 2024 Story-a-Day Challenge

366 WORDS (without A/N or PS)

Title-accompaniment photo was AI-generated but the Topic was not.

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THE CHALLENGE GRINDS ON, 366 WORDS AT A TIME:

There are currently three surviving Vocal writers still participating in the insane 2024 Story-a-Day Challenge:

• L.C. Schäfer, challenge originator

• Rachel Deeming

• Gerard DiLeo (some other guy)

Read them. Support them. And pick your card carefully.