156 A Quantum Mechanic Observes the Collapse of Screwdriver Probability Fields

Quantum mechanics is spooky, Einstein said, about quantum entanglement: a particle, observed, determines the status of another it's entangled with.

It's a quantum world for screwdrivers, too! Trust me, I'm a quantum mechanic.

Consider my escapade involving leaky Jacuzzi pipework:

I needed to tighten screws under my Jacuzzi, a sophisticated machine, access certainly requiring the sophistication of Phillips screws.

You'd think.

I grab my Phillips screwdriver, sitting--ironically--alongside the flathead I spurn. I stoop the stoop that traditionally engenders butt-cracks for cackling children everywhere. Alas, the screws--flatheads!

The screwdriver probability field collapsed. Zigs became zags--how the quantum cookie crumbles.

THE SCIENCE, THE SCREW-JOB:

We quantum mechanics use quantum toolboxes. Once the screwhead type's observed, the probability field containing vacillating dualities, flathead-vs-Phillips, collapses into the entangled screwdriver, many quanta away, into a single type.

Then, observing the panel screws and the screwdriver needed--left behind in the quantumized toolchest--I'm cursed with the wrong one. Probably every time? Probably? Possibly?

Yes, Schrödinger, your cat's dead.

Is it? [Meows waft in the æther...]

I go to retrieve the flathead. There t'is, in all its flathead eventuality. So, quantum mechanics is merciful:

Once I left the vicinity of entangled Phillips screwheadness, a forgone screwdriver should collapse into a different type. Or at least resume a quasi-status, [flathead+Phillips], in simultaneous shimmering duality, awaiting my retrieval.

I risked damnation to a Hell of reaching, forever, for the wrong screwdriver!

Why wouldn't I just grab both?

My Y-chromosome forbids foresight--the same mutated allele forcing me to skip assembly directions for toys Christmas Eve. Or worse--no!--I have GPS now.

But I wasn't damned. Quantum mechanics strives to get along with us. With the right screwdriver I walk back, without any further entanglement, and righty-tighty those little fellas home.

So quantum mechanics learned: it established a path of least resistance after it misstepped. Quantum says, "Fool me once, shame on me; fool me twice, shame on Einstein."

Translated, you merely chose the wrong screwdriver, quantard!

Now, screws are just one less challenge in life--thanks to my inescapable partner in life, the ol' probability cloud granting me a Mulligan. On to the next entanglement! (Will she or won't she?)

And don't worry about feeding the cat.

I think.

_______

AUTHOR'S NOTE:

For Tuesday, June 4, Day 156 of the Story-a-Day Challenge

366 WORDS (without A/N)

Title-accompaniment photo was AI-generated, but the srews were not.

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• Rachel Deeming

• Gerard DiLeo (some other guy)

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