The Worst Valentine's Gifts Ever: A Comedy Special (According to Women)

#1: Bath Bombs

Oh, bath bombs. The glittery, fizzy promise of relaxation. But let me tell you something: if I wanted to sit in a tub full of chemicals that turn my skin neon blue or green, I’d go swimming in a glow-in-the-dark pool. Sure, they smell nice, but honestly? They’re like adult versions of Play-Doh. And let’s not forget the inevitable mess: glitter everywhere, clogged drains, and a bathroom that looks like a science experiment gone wrong.

Pro tip: If she loves baths, ask first. Otherwise, stick with flowers or something less... bubbly.

#2: Balloons

Balloons are great—for kids’ parties, birthdays, maybe even New Year’s Eve. But on Valentine’s Day? No thank you. First off, balloons deflate faster than your confidence after realizing you forgot her birthday last year. Second, helium-filled ones float around awkwardly until they inevitably pop, scaring both you and the cat.

And don’t even get me started on those cheap ones from gas stations. By the time you get home, they look like sad, deflated pancakes. Romantic, right?

#3: Discount Candy

Candy is sweet… unless it’s discounted candy from the clearance rack. Nothing says “I care” like giving someone chocolates that expired three months ago. Bonus points if the wrapper is already torn and there’s only one piece left inside.

If you really want to impress, buy fresh treats—or better yet, bake something yourself. Just don’t burn the kitchen down in the process.

#4: Movie Dates

Movies are fine, but here’s the thing: Valentine’s Day isn’t about sitting in a dark theater pretending to enjoy a rom-com while secretly wondering why popcorn costs $15. Plus, half the fun of dating is talking, laughing, and making memories—not shushing strangers who won’t stop whispering plot spoilers.

If you must take her to a movie, at least spring for dinner afterward. Or better yet, skip the cinema altogether and watch Netflix together on the couch. Much cozier—and cheaper.

#5: Yellow Flowers

Yellow roses may symbolize friendship, but on Valentine’s Day, they scream “I didn’t know what else to get.” Unless you’re trying to send a subtle message (“We’re pals now?”), stick with red roses or another romantic bloom. Even daisies would be a safer bet.

And please, no wilting tulips wrapped in plastic wrap. That’s just cruel.

#6: Tanning Salon Gift Cards

Tanning salons? Really? Are we still living in the early 2000s? Not only does this gift suggest she needs work on her appearance, but it also ignores the fact that tanning beds are basically sunlamps designed to age your skin prematurely. Thanks, but no thanks.

If you’re worried about her glow, invest in sunscreen instead. Her future self will thank you.

#7: Dinner With His Mom

A romantic evening with his mom? In the next room? This might sound charming in theory, but in practice, it’s like inviting your mother-in-law to your honeymoon. Awkward doesn’t even begin to describe it. Do you really want to hear her critique your salad dressing choices while pretending to ignore the conversation?

Respect boundaries, folks. Keep family dinners for Thanksgiving.

#8: Glittery Teddy Bears

Puffy, sparkly teddy bears are cute—if you’re five years old. For adults, however, they’re just dust collectors waiting to happen. Where exactly am I supposed to put this thing? On my desk? In my closet? Under the bed with all the other forgotten gifts?

Stick with smaller, simpler gifts unless you’re prepared to deal with the aftermath of glitter explosions.

#9: Socks

Socks. Yes, socks. Practical, functional, and utterly unromantic. Unless you’ve been specifically asked for them, socks belong on Christmas lists, not Valentine’s cards. Imagine opening a box expecting jewelry and finding elastic fabric instead. Heartbreaking.

#10: DIY Crafts Gone Wrong

Craft projects are adorable when done well—but devastating when botched. Handmade cards smudged with coffee stains? Beaded necklaces missing half their beads? Homemade candles that smell like burnt rubber? All classic examples of “the thought was there, but the execution wasn’t.”

If you’re going DIY, test your skills beforehand. Nobody wants a lopsided heart-shaped cookie as proof of love.

What Else Belongs on This List?

There you have it—a top ten countdown of the worst Valentine’s gifts ever, according to actual women. Of course, every relationship is different, so what one person hates might be another’s dream come true. But before you rush out to buy anything questionable, ask yourself: Is this truly romantic, or am I just lazy?

Now it’s your turn! What other gifts deserve a spot on this list? Share your thoughts—or horror stories—in the comments below. After all, laughter is the best medicine, especially when it comes to avoiding future gift disasters.

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