Take Out Only

Take Out Only (spicy mild)

By: The ADHD Accountant – Krid

Years ago, so many years that I can scarce recall (the number of years, not the memories), I was a young student in the final year of my degree. A friend of mine was moving North and had a little side gig. Now Mr. Side Gig was a horrible client who I fired within a year BUT his wife ran a little gig of her own; take-out Thai. As a recent immigrant with poor English and education which didn’t translate to a local accreditation she did what many do – worked even harder with skills that transcend language and local certifications. Mrs. Side Gig started a little restaurant out of her kitchen. Take out only. She would even deliver for free within a few blocks!

It was a simple menu, if you’ve ever had North American Vietnamese or Thai you realize how many base dishes can be made with subtle variations for a big impact. Simple, and delicious. And, spicy! The first time I ordered, working on the weekend from Mr. Side Gig’s office (a block away from his home and her business), I wondered if it would be worth it. In the days before “Skip the Dishes” and “Uber Eats” take out was a very different thing indeed.

Her broken English was better than my French, and certainly superior to my Siamese (Thai) but I managed to order a simple beef and rice dish. At that time I was eating spicy food regularly. Had done a spicy wing challenge. One of my other jobs had a Scovillian snob who challenged us regularly with hotter and hotter mixes. I just wanted something mild. She laughed. I assumed she was familiar with us Canadians and our largely unspicy constitutions. No, she laughed because she was evil – EVIL!

I tower over most people; at 6’4” I am significantly above the average for most people. I was a giant compared to Mrs. Side Gig. Her husband was barely 5’10”, and I remember her amusement when she arrived around an hour later with my order; I was starving and it was delicious. As she marveled at my height and complimented my pretty blue eyes she insisted I start eating and let her know how it was. That’s customer service at it’s best; or, the work of a sadist.

To this day I am convinced that it is the spiciest food that I have ever had. Not the spiciest ingredient, or spiciest sauce, not by far. But, the spiciest dish for sure. It was hard to breathe and I was flush in seconds, sweating even more heavily in the office warmed by summers heat. Sometimes heat is just heat, and spice is just spice, and they can overpower instead of adding to the quality of the dish. The heat certainly overpowered me, but her black magic and witchy ways had the flavours pop, and the dish explode with things foreign to my palette. As Emeril Lagasse says; “BAM!”

I asked her if she forgot to make it mild and she just laughed. I contemplated throwing the dish out as she left, well pleased with herself to my mind, and yet I found myself having another bite, and another. And another… I paid good money for that. I had no other food. It wasn’t so hot after all (it was). What it was, absolutely, was delicious.

I ordered almost any time I was at the clients and told all my friends at school (also close to her kitchen). I took a date to her little take out kitchen and we had a wonderful time in a park, eating off the tail gate of my truck (no spice for my date at all). I miss my truck! My little car is much more affordable though. It was a shame when I graduated and fired Mr. Side Gig – I wonder now, years later, whatever happened to her and her marvelous kitchen, food that was spicy mild, and her laugh every time I asked for just mild.

Sometimes the best thing about traditions is that they have ended and remain inviolate in our memories. Sometimes, like wing night, it is their regularity that makes them a cornerstone of our routine. What I do know is this; sometimes it is the people, sometimes it is the food – she had them both. It’s not always about what you order, it’s what you get that really matters.

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