Oatmeal is Disgusting

Oat is considered one of the major staples for healthy eating. It is a food that has survived many trends and generations. Deemed highly nutritious and tasty, oats can be considered a comfort food for many. I am inclined to agree with the population that oats are great for your health. Oats have been known to lower your cholesterol and provide loads of fiber. A healthy heart can prevent a wash load of diseases and bodily dysfunction; keep the heart pumpin’ so we can keep jumpin’. I believe that a good poop can solve any day to day problem, so fiber is definitely a plus in my book. Fiber in oats also helps to control blood sugar levels and can potentially help you eat less because it is so filling. All of this is good news, bring on the oats! The downside to the oats is that most offerings come with loads of sugar. They come in instant breakfast packaging, cookies, bread etc. which all have tons of sugar added on to the label.

Eating them isn’t the only thing that makes oats great; they are often used for cosmetic purposes too! I did mention that it is a comfort food. Who doesn’t enjoy rubbing breakfast all over your body in the shower? Sounds like a great way to start the day to me. They are used in shampoos, lotions, body wash, natural soap bars; the list just goes on. Oats soothe the skin and can provide gentle exfoliation as well. So belly full and skin on glow, its practically a wonder crop.

All these amazing facts aside, I find oatmeal disgusting! Dried oats are tolerable but get stuck in the back of your throat after it has been chewed enough times to be digested. The cardboard taste can be disguised with sugar, spices and fruits I suppose. Where I draw the line though is oatmeal. Who the hell thought is was a great idea to wet them, make them mushy and serve it to people to start their day?! I mean I would hate Monday’s so much more after being forced to endure that.

I will admit that the smell of oatmeal may lure you in. It smells like a warm hug on the worst day of your life. It beckons as though one bite will cure the world of all that is wrong, leading us into a tomorrow filled with sunshine and rainbows. I fell for the lie once; I even braved the look of pre-chewed wheat bread, to have a taste. Once the coagulated innards of Satan touched my tongue, nothing could make me swallow. The foreign texture caused my mouth to immediately produce a perfuse amount of saliva signaling my gag reflex. I chewed hoping to trick my starving stomach to take anything, but it revolted vehemently and out came sticky glob of regret.

Attempting to eat the oatmeal reminded me of a baby bird waiting to be fed by its mother. I, a young bird watching in anticipation as mother dear thoroughly chewed and regurgitated breakfast directly into my mouth, complete with slimy chunks of undigested insects. In this case instead of a bird, the sludge of hatred was provided by my great-grandmother. Unaware of my aversion the abomination called oatmeal, I was scolded into trying the dish. The smell lured me into a false sense of security that maybe it would be ok and I could avoid a beating if I ate what was offered to me (refusing was considered being disrespectful). Obviously spitting it out and subsequently throwing up in the bowl was the act of a wasteful and malicious child. So not only is oatmeal disgusting but it is treacherous. So take your nutritional comfort food from hell and go. I will use it on my body and eat the damn cookies.