What Pregnancy Taught Me About Keeping My Cool (and My Mouth Shut)

I got in trouble today for breathing... again.

Pregnancy is wild. Some days, I swear all I do is breathe wrong and feel like I need to apologize for it. It’s honestly weird how you can feel like you’re doing nothing and still end up in the crosshairs. I’ve learned, usually the hard way, that keeping my cool is sometimes the best gift I can give to both of us—even if it means biting my tongue until it almost falls off.

First off, I try not to take the cranky moments personally, but that’s easier said than done. Pregnancy turns everything upside down—emotions, sleep, random food cravings at 2 a.m.—and most of the time, whatever’s happening isn’t actually about me. I have to remind myself of that, a lot.

Sometimes I want to argue, but honestly, compassion works better. When I actually manage to offer a hug instead of a comeback, or just tackle the dirty dishes without making a scene, things usually settle down faster. Little stuff like that (even just bringing her a Mountain Dew—her guilty pleasure) matters way more than any grand gesture.

For example, there was the time she ordered a cheeseburger, and I brought it home—no fries, because she didn’t say she wanted fries. That didn’t go over well. Now, I just grab the fries. Even if she says nothing, there’d better be fries.

And I’ve learned the hard way: do not, under any circumstances, mention “eating healthier.” Trust me.

Consistency is a struggle, not gonna lie. Some days I’m a hero; some days I just want to disappear into the garage for an hour. Sometimes the best I can do is roll my eyes behind her back where nobody can see. Honestly, that’s become my number one way to vent—I know it’s not much, but it helps.

But I keep trying, because I can see it matters to her—even if she doesn’t say so.

Strategies for Not Taking Things Personally

One thing that helps me keep my cool is just walking away for a moment and taking a few deep breaths. Lately, I’ve been trying a simple breathing exercise: I take two sharp inhales through my nose, one right after the other, and then a long, slow exhale through my mouth. There’s actually science behind this—studies show that this pattern, sometimes called “physiological sighing,” helps calm your nervous system. The two quick inhales fill your lungs and help release carbon dioxide, while the slow exhale signals your body that it’s safe to relax. I’m no scientist, but I know it helps me keep from blowing up over little stuff.

Of course, I don’t always nail it. There was one morning when I tried to use our coffee maker—a fancy one I barely know how to work, but my partner could probably run with her eyes closed. I was standing there, fumbling with buttons, trying to figure out how to get it to start brewing. Before I knew it, she stepped in, told me to move, and said she’d do it herself. I got upset. I felt useless, like she didn’t trust me to handle even the little things. Instead of taking a step back to reset, I let my frustration get the best of me and ended up venting at her. It wasn’t my best moment.

Ever felt like a villain in your own kitchen? It’s not great.

Moments like that remind me why I need to slow down and not take things so personally. Most of the time, it’s not about me—it’s just about being tired, or wanting things to go smoothly, or both of us running on fumes. When I can remember that, I handle it better.

How I Regroup After a Tough Moment

When things get tense, I try to focus on what I can actually do to improve the situation. Usually that means getting up and doing a chore—like tackling the dishes or taking out the trash—just something practical to move things forward. If I’m feeling calm enough, playing with my daughter or doing something for her really helps me reset and remember what matters most.

But I’ve learned that I have to make sure I’m completely calmed down before I shift my attention to my daughter. If I’m still worked up from a disagreement with my partner, there’s a real risk I could start a new situation or bring that leftover tension into my time with her. So sometimes, it’s about giving myself the extra few minutes to really cool off—then I can show up as the dad I want to be, instead of dragging the previous frustration into a new moment.

In Conclusion....

Our relationship is bigger than any argument, disagreement, or mistake. At the end of the day, we’re just two people, doing our best to work together and raise a family—and that’s a crazy thing on its own. Sometimes the craziness comes from outside, and sometimes, honestly, we bring it on ourselves. But as long as we keep moving forward with the goal of resolving conflict and understanding each other, we keep building our bond. That way, when the real chaos comes—the stuff we can’t predict or control—we’re stronger and more ready to face it together.

How do you keep your cool during tense moments? Let me know in the comments!