When the Only Child Becomes Big Sister

For four years, my daughter has been the center of the universe—for me, for my partner, and for both sides of our family. She’s the only child, the only grandchild, and honestly? She’s gotten used to being the main character. She’s also the only girl among my friends’ kids, so she soaks up even more attention—princess dresses, unicorns, and a fan club wherever she goes.

But that’s all about to change, and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a little worried about how she’ll handle it.

In a few months, she’ll be trading her solo act for a supporting role as “big sister.” Not to a baby sister, but to a baby brother. Trucks, dirt, and dinosaurs are about to invade her pink-and-sparkly world.

When my daughter was born, my partner and I weren’t in a relationship yet, and we were splitting custody close to 50/50. My daughter handled that situation like a champ—better than I imagined she could have. And when we all moved in together as a family, she adjusted to it even better than I did. But this time, the spotlight is shifting, and I want to make sure she feels just as special, even with a new baby in the mix.

Why This Feels Like a Big Deal (to Her and to Us)

For my daughter, everything she knows is about to change. She’s always been the center of attention—at home, at family gatherings, and even among my friends’ kids. Sharing that spotlight is a pretty big adjustment.

It’s a big deal for us as parents, too. I worry about moments when the baby gets all the attention, or when her routine is thrown off. Will she feel left out? Will she mourn the way things used to be? I want her to know she’s just as important as ever, even as family dynamics shift.

But I also know—after watching her weather past changes—she’s resilient. Now, the goal is to support her as she finds her footing and make sure she feels seen, heard, and celebrated, even when she has to share the stage.

Here’s what’s helping us as a family right now:

Strategies for Helping My Daughter Adjust

• Acknowledge Her Feelings (Even the Tough Ones)

My daughter is bound to have big emotions about this. We’re letting her know it’s okay to feel excited, nervous, jealous, or even a little angry about a new baby in the house. Honestly, I sometimes have trouble managing my own emotions, and I’ve got over 30 years of experience doing it. So I can’t expect her to have it all figured out at four. I’m reminding myself not to dismiss her feelings, but to sit with her and talk through them—even if it’s uncomfortable.

• Include Her in Baby Prep

Letting my daughter help set up the nursery or pick out a onesie for her little brother gives her some ownership in this big change. We talk about what babies need and what she thinks will make him feel welcome. It’s a way to keep her involved, not left out. I want my daughter to feel like her choices matter and her voice is heard—even if it means her baby brother ends up with a princess doll in his crib.

• Set Aside One-on-One Time

I know the baby will need a lot of attention, but I’m committed to carving out special moments with just my daughter. Whether it’s a trip to Cherry Berry or reading her her favorite story from Disney Favorites before bed, those little pockets of time remind her she still matters just as much.

• Keep Routines (Where We Can)

There’s comfort in the familiar. We’re trying to keep some of my daughter’s favorite routines—roughhousing with Dad before getting ready for bed, having movie nights on the weekend, and taking her to see her friends in our old neighborhood—so that not everything feels different all at once. It’s important that she knows her comfort and security still matter.

• Celebrate Her New Role

We talk up what an awesome big sister she’s going to be and how her little brother will look up to her. We’re finding little ways to celebrate the new title, whether it’s a Big Sister shirt, talking to her about all of the things she can teach her baby brother, or just telling her how proud we are of her. We’re also working on identifying ways she can contribute and preparing her for it. I love to joke around and ask her if she’s ready to change poopy diapers, so she’ll be ready to help grab me a clean diaper or wipes when the time comes.

• Prepare for Setbacks

I’m realistic—there will be tough days. Regression, jealousy, or frustration are normal, and I’m reminding myself not to take it personally. The goal isn’t perfection; it’s helping my daughter feel loved and supported, even when things get messy. I’m also a human element in all this. I’m going to experience a lot of the same sort of feelings that she is. I have to stay positive and honest with myself so my one step back doesn’t turn into a full-on sprint away from where I want to be.

Final Thoughts

At the end of the day, this isn’t just a big transition for my daughter—it’s a big change for all of us. I know there will be moments of struggle, a few tears, and maybe even the occasional meltdown (from any of us). But I also know there will be new memories, new laughs, and a different kind of joy as our family grows.

I’m trying to remind myself that it’s okay if everything isn’t perfect. My daughter doesn’t need a perfect parent—she just needs one who shows up, keeps trying, and loves her through the hard parts and the happy ones. I want her to know that no matter what, she will always be special to me, and the love I have for her baby brother doesn’t take away even a tiny part of the amount I have for her.

How have you helped your child adjust to a new sibling, or prepared for a big family change? Let me know in the comments—I’d love to hear your story and your advice.