The Space Between

Gertrude rocked back and forth on the front porch. Her frame was draped in white linen and her hair was concealed behind a cotton scarf. No matter how her grandmother attempted to conceal loose tendrils and coils a few would always escape to frame her face. The rogue strands were as white as the snow she had never seen anywhere but school books. Humidity in the air created a thin sheen of dew on both Gertrude and her granddaughter . Their contrast was striking, and yet they seemed to be two sides of the same coin, united by the same café au lait skin.

Gertrude wore her sixties with an ease that fit her and gave Celestine a preview of her future self. The older woman continued to rock and drank Moonshine from out back in a crystal whiskey glass. Celestine sat on a low tuffet with her bare feet on the wooden porch floor.

“ Star. Its time you made the choice we all made at your age. You’re 30, honey. ”

“ What does 30 have to do anything ? I know I’m single but you too Grandma? ”

“ That’s not what I mean, Star, ” Celestine sighed when her Grandmother stopped stroking her hair. Gertrude reached into the table tray on the front porch and handed Celestine an old banker’s envelope with a string clasp instead of a metal one. The parcel was heavy and full of—something. Celestine opened it and saw one-hundred-dollar bills in neat stacks carefully laid inside. She looked up at her grandmother with a look of confusion. As if to answer her confusion, Gertrude then handed her a small envelope.

“Both of these are from your mother for your thirtieth birthday.”

Celestine took the letter and felt the textured envelope and noticed that the small package was old but well preserved and smelt like lavender and lemongrass. The smell made her heart skip a beat her throat threaten to close and her eye-ducts to force a flood. The precious package smelled like her mother, Camellia. Gertrude’s oldest child, Camellia, endured a brain tumor with the grace of someone who merely suffered an inconvenience and should be the patron saint of adversity. The small package was sealed with wax in the faintest pink and the pattern looked like ivy leaves with Camellias attached. She could feel the gravity of the small parcel and almost hesitated to take the sacred item.

There was a crisp break in the seal after she opened it, and the world around them seemed to still and quiet for a brief moment. Everything seemed to hang on the tenuous seconds between each breath. Once she removed the letter from the envelope time seemed to continue its previous motion—but ever so slowly.

The letter read:

My darling Celestine

If your Grandmother gave you this letter it means I have left the living and have joined the earth. I wanted nothing more than to walk you through what must be done myself, but the Good Lord saw fit to bring my spirit to him. I asked if I could explain our burden. Whether it becomes a legacy, curse, or both depends on the choices you make next.

One piece of heritage this land has handed down to us is bondage. Our ancestor—Rose Darden made a deal with a devil of sorts. She was a slave and wanted her family to be reunited and most of all free in the midst of slavery. The price she paid for that was a dear one and causes us all to be tied to the land at minimum and costs the futures of any future children at maximum.

Before you go into the sugar-cane fields, pray. Repent of any sins you know of (and all the ones you do not realize.) Bathe your body and hair in the water, in the tub add lavender, lemongrass, frankincense and myrrh. Grandma will give you a white dress—wear it, and leave your feet bare. When she walks you into the field, keep your mind fixed on me and all those that came before me. When you dig think of all those who will come after you. When the moon shines on you, in all your earthen glory, Adanko will come.

Do not promise anything the ones after you must make happen.

I loved your father dearly. But you, my love, have always been my other half. I named you after the stars and the only place worthy enough to have my baby named for it. I hope this letter helps you unlock your happiness.

Until the Circle is Unbroken,

Your Mama

Celestine wiped her eyes, and handed the letter up to her Grandmother. She felt the hard porch beneath her and suddenly became sensitive to every groove and crevice in the worn boards beneath her feet. The stillness continued and as Gertrude continued to read she began to stroke her hair again. Soon the old woman was sobbing and she stood. Reaching for Celestine’s hands she asked her if she was okay. The girl stood and shrugged then echoed her grandmother’s cries.

By the time her shoulders stopped shaking she wiped her eyes and went to her grandmother’s china cabinet and began to open doors to shelves that should hold heirloom milk glass but instead held herbs in mason jars. They were put away with care and labeled in calligraphy on brown paper bag labels. She had been taught to use herbs from an early age but that day they held a newness. She glanced from the labels to the cabinet, searching for the mentioned herbs. Gertrude walked behind her and gave her fresh lavender from their garden.

After her bathing according to the instructions in the letter she walked out of her bedroom barefoot and accepted the kerosene lamp offered to her. Both women walked out of the back kitchen door and down the back steps to sugar-cane fields behind the home.

“Star, you have to walk in front of me now. I promise I’ll be right behind you even if it doesn’t seem like it.”

They walked along the outside perimeter of the sugar-cane fields for what seemed like the better part of an hour. Time seemed to flex and bend around their bodies. She focused on her mother’s directions—to focus on her mother and the ancestors that came before her, and the apprehension she felt in the dark melted away. Eventually they reached a break in the fields and walked to a large central clearing. Atop the lush grass, was a large Cane-Cutter Rabbit who looked nonplussed and as bored as a rabbit could look. He locked eyes with Celestine and she heard him speak within her mind. His voice held a deep timbre that fascinated and scared her.

“You are much slower than the others were, but I see what your ancestors meant now.” The rabbit circled and appraised her as he hopped.

“My ancestors? Wait—how can you talk? Why am I talking back? Oh Goodness, I’ve lost it.” Celestine felt as though she was truly losing her mind.

“No my dear, you have not lost it, but maybe you have found it.” The rabbit sounded as though he was in an epic struggle to conceal his laughter.

“Found what, rabbit?”

“A way to get out of space between—and don’t call me rabbit. I have a name. It is Adanko.”

“The what?”

“The space between where you are and where you want to be. Getting out of the space between frees you from this land, and the choice.” Adanko spoke matter of factly, as though he knew she would ask the question.

“What choice?”

This time the rabbit hopped to the side to see Gertrude and ignored Celestine as though she were not there. “You really didn’t prepare this one did you Trudy?”

“Alas no, her mother wanted her to have her best chance.”

“We shall see.”

“Child, I need you to dig—with your hands. You will know when to stop.”

The Rabbit did not seem as though he was one to be trifled with, so Celestine got down to her knees in the white linen gown and began to dig through the earth with her hands. As she dug she remembered her mother’s words in the letter, “think of those who will come after you.” She did not have any children, and was unmarried, but somehow the words in the letter started to sound like a promise. She thought of what her children would look like and who her husband might be, she even did her best to think of her children’s possible spouses and what kind of grandchildren they would give her. By the time she got to thinking of how similar a grandmother she would be Gertrude, her nails harshly scraped a rust stained metal box. Unfortunately, side of her nail grazed the box too firmly and began to bleed.

She lifted the box out of the hole and held it.

“Give the box some of your blood and some of the soil.” She followed the instructions and the box opened.

Inside the metal box was a small black book. Despite being buried for an extraordinary length of time it looked as though it were in excellent condition. She picked up the black book and before she opened it, was interrupted.

“What do you want more than anything?”

Finally, Celestine understood what it was all about. “I need to be free of the land. I need my ancestors to be free of the land, and I need all of our descendants to be free of this land.”

“Then you need the book. In it you may write down the hopes you have for the future, and in that book you will have the power to break any and all generational curses. But there is a cost.”

“What is the cost?”

“The last gift as well as the last thing you hold dear from the person you love or loved the most on this earth. Hold the box and think of them.”

Celestine did as she was told. Suddenly, inside the box the envelope with the 20, 000 in cash and the letter from her mother appeared. She began to sob when she realized she would lose the letter in the supernatural chess match.

“To pay the price, close the box and put it back. Then bury it.”

Celestine did as she was told.

Adanko moved closer to her as she cried and wiped her eyes spreading dirt all over her pitiful form.

“Child, you have done what no other before you has done. You loved someone hard enough to coax what should never have been possible, from the depths of their soul. Your ancestors were cursed to never love any child they bear, only their children’s children. You loved your mother so deeply that she was able to love you beyond measure. When it was her time for the ritual, she did not have anything to offer the earth as a trade from someone she loved. But you have done the impossible.”

He climbed into her lap and looked into her eyes. The pupils staring back at her were entirely too other to belong to a mere rabbit. He leaned his head against hers and spoke as her tear swollen eyes rested.

“May you have a blessed life, and may you only be tied to land you choose, for the time you choose.”

A light wind could be heard on the sugar cane and a warm breeze surrounded her like a caress. She looked down where Adanko should have been, and he was gone.

“Well done, my child. Let’s get you cleaned up.” Her grandmother took off her night shawl and wrapped it around the girl. She hugged her close and together they walked into the house and out of the space between.