The Small Black Book and The Serenity Angel

"BUZZ, BUZZ, BUZZ... BUZZ", the alarm clock screeches. Another redundant morning, she throws the cover to the side and throws her legs off the bed, each aching joint at a time. No need to even bother starting the coffee considering she does not have any and her brain is already going a mile a minute about the worries of not meeting her bills and losing her children to their father. Why can’t she be one of the lucky ones who just comes across some money or wins the lottery? Why can’t she find a man who sees a great mother in her? Why can’t her kids have a true father figure? She would be set for life and would not have to worry about another bill or affording a lawyer to defend her character against the father of the kids or worry what damage is being caused by the father and his projecting accusations. "Thank you for calling in today, how may I help you?" is the constant introduction of the hell loop she is stuck in, the only freedom is imagining the "what ifs" of winning the lottery and breaking free. It’s always about helping someone else until you are bled dry and all pruned up. When will she get help? Does anyone even notice that she needs it? She is a raisin at this point.

"BUZZ, BUZZ, BUZZ... BUZZ" Another morning, the same outcome. She throws the cover to the side and her aching joints follow right off the bed. She hopes today will be different than yesterday and maybe it will be. "Thanks for calling in today, how may I help you?" another dull start to another twelve-hour shift. Another start to helping someone else. Hours that seem like forever pass and finally she is free from the corporate chains holding her captive for twelve hours working for $7.25 not even enough to fantasize about some hope that she may have enough to buy her sweet little ones a toy from the dollar store for once, to make her little ones feel special and smile even if it is just for the moment. She checks her direct deposit and sees $336.49. "This isn’t even enough to cover my $500.00 rent, let alone my lights and food..." she sits and sobs thinking of the little babies who are leaning on her for survival, hope and support. This isnt going to be enough to pay her lawyer to get her daughter back who she wants home with her but is instead forced to live with the father as a temporary form of mediation.

The clock hits 2:45 pm and she throws her legs to the side of the bed waking up to a freeing feeling of today being her off day but with a guilty conscious of knowing she should have asked for that overtime. The sun is shining, and the room smells fresher today. No aching joints first thing in the morning for once... "hmm. weird", she mumbles. "Isaac, honey. Are you awake?" she says to her son from another room. "Yeah mommy, I want a slack" he says. I have been trying to teach him the correct way to say SNACK but for some reason his little tongue will not get the hang of it. Then again, she does not want those moments to cease that remind her that he is still a little baby in her eyes when he confidently mispronounces his words. "I feel like the air is lighter in the house and I just can’t put my finger on it, but it feels like a good day.", she thinks to herself. Good days, seldom as they are, should be celebrated with food for my son and I, seldom as food is in our home. "I will pawn my mother's wedding ring if I need to make the difference of the money, I am going to spend this morning. I don’t care, I am tired of worrying every second, we deserve this" I thought. "Okay sweetheart! Let us get dressed and go have some breakfast together." she says as she watches Isaac's face light up. "When we are done, what do you say we go to the dollar store and get two toys?" YEAH!!!! he shouts and runs to grab the jacket with the hole in the armpit. "CLUNK, CLUNK (backfire), CLUNK", the grand marquis spits as it pulls into the parking spot of the IHOP. "Table for two, please" as I stand with my son embraced under my arm. We follow the server with the white, clean Nike's on to a table in the far-right corner secluded from everyone else. I advise two waters for the both of us while taking my coat off thinking about the last time I could afford a coke. Embracing every part of this moment, I start by asking my eight-year-old son how his Christmas party at school went. "It was good. My friend Roman said he got a drone." he said with his eyes down as the waitress placed our plates. "Really?! That is cool baby. Is that what you wanted for Christmas?" I responded. "No, I asked Santa for mommy to not cry anymore at bedtime." He responded while scarfing a French fry down. I feel like I just swallowed an eight-pound weight. I did not realize that he knew I cried on Christmas Eve tucking him into bed knowing the next day he would not even have a Christmas Tree to look at let alone a toy. Our conversation deadened as we both finished off our plates scraping at the left-over crumbs with the fork. "Save some for the dog" I winked and smiled. The waitress with the clean white Nikes returns to give me my check. "Hmmm, since when do they put the checks in a small black worn notebook" I thought. I notice the waitress looks back at me almost as if she were reassuring herself that I did not bail out on paying and disappears into the back. "OH MY GOD" I throw the book down at the table and knock over the cup filled with ice and started to sob uncontrollably. Inside I see the receipt which has the total $17.68 crossed out and ends with "total due $0.00 along with a $20,000 check addressed to me. How did this waitress get my name? What is going on? On the very bottom, in clear legible cursive reads: "Your struggles are not your own anymore, please accept this gift." I pick the small black notebook up which contains a few daily journals about positivity and a couple of bible verses that seem to speak to me. I walk my son to the front holding his hand, shaking, and trying to choke up the words to ask for the waitress wearing the clean white Nike's, and the blue button up shirt with the name tag of Serenity and to my discord am told that they have no employee that works there who matches my description. I am flabbergasted and confused and proceed to walk out before I am put into a nice little padded room hugging myself all day.

The next day I wake up throwing my legs off the bed wondering if yesterday was all but a dream to find that the $20,000 check is sitting in my jacket pocket still. Today feels freeing and yet maybe I am wrong given this unexpected phone call from my lawyer. "Mrs. Adam's, I haven’t had a payment from you in three months, but I want to let you know I won’t be needing one because you just won custody of your daughter and your son. Apparently, the father is sitting in a holding cell for committing a white-collar crime within his business. He was caught laundering money for the purchase of a boat." he elaborates. I am speechless. "I can come get my daughter?" I exclaim and yet reassure at the same time. "Yes, she is waiting on you". he reassures. I run out of the door not even paying attention to the fact that Isaac is wearing one flip flop and one ripped dolphin shaped house shoe. "MOMMY!!!!!" Cali shouts as she runs to me. I fall to my knees sobbing and hug her until her limbs start to turn red or maybe those are just the healing of the bruises from her father's girlfriend. "I missed you so much Cali, I am so sorry, let’s go home princess, you are safe now!" I cry into her ear and rush out before I give any time for this reality to me to just turn into a realistic dream.

Even months later I never get tired of the voice of the Artificial Intelligence taking my money.

"Thank you for your overdue payment".

"Thank you for your payment of $414.36"

"Thank you for your past due balance of $1,400", the automated voice enthusiastically shouts through the speaker of my phone.

"Mommy", the kids shout taking turns. "One moment, I am paying bills. Go get dressed so we can go grocery shopping and stop by the bank to put some money on a savings CD" I state. A note scribbled in crayon is placed in front of me blowing off the hundred dollar bills I placed neatly on the new desk that came with the new house. It reads "Thank you for the snacks, my own room, a new jacket with no holes, my drone, not giving up on me, my medicine for my hands to be boo-boo free, for not leaving me with daddy's mean girlfriend and for making us happy mommy. We love you to the moon and back." From Isaac and Cali," (which is forever written backwards.) the letter is concluded by a verse the kids found from an old dusty bible about Serenity. Ironic and odd that they chose a verse about Serenity. I cry and swoop to the floor to hold their beautiful clean faces which have gotten so plump from all the snacks consumed lately and say, "What do you say we go to Disneyland since mommy doesn’t have to work for awhile anymore?" "YEAH" they both shouted giggling and running off to start picking out their new favorite outfits to pack.

"BUZZ, BUZZ, BUZZ... BUZZ", she wakes up throwing her legs over the side of her California king bed and opens the door to the ocean view balcony of the hotel to let the sea air breeze in. "Kids, are you awake?" she yells from another room. "Yeah, mommy, we are making you breakfast with Deonte" they yell back. "Oh o...k...a... WAIT WHO IS DEONTE?!". I fly down the stairs, practically floating, skipping two steps to see a tall, handsome, muscular man with a Gucci suit on mixing the pancake batter with Isaac while Cali is dropping in chocolate chips. "WHO ARE YOU AND WHY ARE YOU IN HERE?!" As I motion my kids to come to me. "It’s okay, I did not mean to scare you. I noticed the children pouring a bag of flour out in the community hallway by your front door and I figured it was unsafe for them to be out there and brought them in. They mentioned they needed help making their special mommy some breakfast, so I brought chocolate chips for the pancakes. I have two kids of my own Serenity and Faith who are napping right now. My name is Deonte." he calmly reassures while reaching out for an introductory handshake. "How long have you guys been on vacation here at Disneyland?" he asks as I follow him with my eyes while relaxing. "We just got here last night" I respond abruptly. "Good, then I have plenty of time to take your special mommy on a tour, if that’s okay with you two" he smirks while looking at Cali and Isaac. "Yeah, you can be our new daddy" they excerpt, while jumping up and down and running off with the bag of chocolate chips. I excuse myself and walk to the bedroom, grab a pen and that small black notebook, turn to a clean page and write "Thank you for helping me, thank you for this serenity, for my children, their safety, health, and happiness. Thank you for everything you have given me". As soon as I finish scribbling the last part of my journaling, a knock at the hotel door comes and I hear a shout of "housekeeping". In walks a woman with a white house maids dress, clean white Nike’s and a name tag that reads Serenity". She walks past, looks back and winks at me as if to remind me "your struggles are not your own anymore, please accept this gift" while grabbing the new folded towels off her cleaning cart.

The End.

Ashley ODell