satire

"Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city." - George Burns

The Pookini Incident
My husband and I took our kids to the beach at new year, despite a pending divorce. My youngest (5) asked to buy a "boo-kini" instead of her usual one piece. The story that follows is long and runny. If you vomit easily, you might want to keep scrolling. Sooooo all was okay the first night, but temps dropped ten degrees more than average before we could try out the new bathing suit at the beach. We go to the beach after having seafood lunch at a not so well advised "pirate tourist trap." The beach is pretty much what you expect if you know full well that it's at or around 49 degrees, rainy, and high winds, BUT STILL GO TO THE BEACH. Naturally, kids strip down to skivvies and hop into waves. I put jeans over my yoga pants, over my running leggings, and every long sleeve thing I brought under my sweatshirt and jacket. (I'm a Texas girl born and bred- I don't like to be cold. Seriously I've seen snow twice in my life, and I was over it pretty quick.) We attend to this fantastic Antarctic summer day. The kids are happily splashing around. "Almost ex," and I do our best not to chill the air further by talking to each other. After about a mile of strolling in this beautiful Alaskan storm, the kids are ready for a snack, and the youngest says she must use the bathroom. We begin to head back to the truck (I say truck, but it's a big Ford Excursion).
By Texas Christie5 years ago in Families
The Phone Family
Once upon a time there lived a Mamaphone, a Papaphone and a Babyphone. Unlike many, their charge station was a happy , organic place in a greenhouse adjacent a posh public library where they could rest their weary batteries and meditate over the latest updates in plush, garden of Edenesque surroundings.
By Farkas5 years ago in Families
Push, push, push...it's a little shit out there
Soooo…it’s been a bit of a tough shitty week lol. This lock down is getting a bit much …not for me, but for the kids…and then me…
By Lisa Maclean6 years ago in Families
The Unknown Call Turns into a Prank
A look of fear flashed into my eyes, my heartbeat sickeningly in great pounding thumps, sounding right up in my ears. An uncomfortable silence prevailed in the room. “What will happen if ever my mistake is out in the open?” I whispered under my breath, hidden in the darkest corner under my bed away from the glare of prying eyes which started to appear in my mind.
By Nusrat Khan Juhoor6 years ago in Families
TᕼE ᗷEᗩTᔕ Oᖴ ᒪᗩᑎEᗩᑌ᙭
The Beats Of Laneaux ‘Every morning it happens like this.’ Tabatha thinks to herself as she wakes up with a splitting headache. The house bumbles of a thunderous noise. “Ugh!” Tabatha yanks herself out of bed pissed, frustrated, but most of all annoyed. She quickly puts on her robe, bolts out of her room, runs down two flights of stairs, then kicks open the basement door. ‘I’m going to ring this little mutha...’ Her eyes are in disbelief when she notices that on this morning it is not only her little brother beating away at the drums, but also her older sister on guitar, her father blowing a saxophone, and her beautiful mother on vocals. It was at this moment that Tabatha realizes that her family was much different than most.
By Mad Malic6 years ago in Families
A Perfect Summer
I read all my emails. I do not know why. My mother says it is because I am afraid to miss anything. My oldest daughter believes it is because I am OCD. My wife thinks (tongue in cheek) I am looking for the answer to the mystery of life.
By David Marsden6 years ago in Families
Thanksgiving Dinner Table Talk. Top Story - November 2018.
Ah Thanksgiving, that perfect time of the year when we get to stuff our faces with our families while making meaningful conversation with people that we may not have seen in quite some time. A beautiful holiday it is. In order to ensure Thanksgiving goes as smooth as possible, here are some tips to start conversation at Thanksgiving dinner because with food, football, and festivities what could possibly go wrong?
By Adam Phillips7 years ago in Families
An Early Thanksgiving
There's entirely too many Mammy dolls and statuettes in this house. It's like stepping into another realm, one which I don't blend in to. Grandma and Grandpa Mac's house, which Grandpa built with his own two hands. Everything is immaculate, orderly, pristine. I am out of my element among family members, their intrusive questions briefly answered with forced smiles. The smell of food wafts through house, as does gossip about church stories and how good God is for sparing Uncle James' house from water damage. I guess the other unfortunate waterlogged neighbors' house weren't worth God's attention.
By CT Idlehouse7 years ago in Families
Lies to Tell a Scottish Kid
Parents do it. Grandparents do it. The Easter Bunny, Santa, and the Tooth Fairy are all tall tales told to our kids to help them understand parts of everyday life. Sometimes though, a gullible kid is just too much fun to resist. Here are a few lies told to Scottish kids to make the lives of a busy parent a bit easier....
By Rosalyn Grams7 years ago in Families
Young Mama Shit Story
Hello, all. First and foremost, my name is Maria and if you could not tell by the title of this post, I am in fact, a young mom. Long story short, I met my now-husband, then-conflicting boyfriend in 2015. Five months later, I was a pregnant senior in high school. Yes, I know that escalated quickly. I’ll probably leave the long story for another time.
By Maria Marino7 years ago in Families
Smile If You're Happy
The white blouse had been a bad choice. Barbara didn’t have to look down to see the dribble of ketchup that had fallen onto her stomach. Almost all of her shirts had the same stain due to her fondness of french fries. It was the one thing she couldn’t give up. Henry had suggested it, even pushed her many a time to let the habit die but so far it hadn’t and she wasn’t really planning on it.
By Sarah McDivitt8 years ago in Families
Those Good Old Days
In those good old days we talked about, we lived on a little farm in a three roomed house on a hill side. I loved its rustic charms. Its roof homemade shingles, big cracks in the floor, no curtains at the window. No screen on the door.
By Patricia Kennedy8 years ago in Families