QUIET ANGELS

Describe what you do, badly. Hmmm..... I bury wedding dresses. Well, I do. This month is the fourth anniversary of starting Angel Gowns of South Bay. It started with two friends and one wedding dress. In my wildest dreams, I would never have thought it would take over my life. No- let me re-state that. I never thought it would take on a life of its own!

There is a hidden community of people that no one wants to think about because it is too painful. And uncomfortable. I know because I have been part of this community. We are the parents of babies who have gotten their wings too soon. We live with the dashed hopes and dreams for the future of our little ones. We are the ones who long for someone to speak their name, just so we know they existed and are not forgotten. We smile and walk through life with a giant hole in our hearts. Our families tell us to get on with our lives; that we can have another baby. But that one little life mattered. It is not "replaceable". Which brings me to what I did about this situation so many find themselves in.

What is the last thing a parent needs to think about when their child dies? What to bury that baby in. We take donated wedding dresses and make heirloom quality baby burial gowns in four sizes, for boys and girls plus a "wrap" for those babies not fully formed but deserving of being loved and cherished before burial. Every gown has a little silver angel sewn onto the neck. And each packet includes a gift for the parents- a necklace for the mom which says "I will hold you in my heart until I hold you in heaven", and a keyring for the dad with a tiny silver wing and a heart that says, "Until I see you again". There is a small empathy card but no contact information, because this is a gift from our heats- it requires no acknowledgement.

And then we had our first and only fundraiser, to provide grants for parents who couldn't afford to bury or cremate their little ones. Of course, this had to take place in the midst of the pandemic, so it was held online. But, the growth didn't stop there. We were then gifted several dozen NEW wedding dresses. As they were being delivered, the donor said she felt badly that they would be cut up before being worn. Lightbulb moment! I said "Have I got an idea for you! What if we go to the churches and let the wedding coordinators know that if they were to come across a bride unable to purchase a lovely gown for her special day, we were loaning ours out- no cost- just bring back when finished." We would even clean it. To date, two dozen brides have come through and found the perfect gown.

At the end of our first year, several of us were singing carols at the local hospital for the employee Christmas luncheon. The CEO walked by and then stopped and looked at me. "Aren't you that lady who brings us those baby dresses?" Yup- guilty. He continued, "I thought we didn't have any need for them. I was.... wrong. Have you ever thought about working with Trinity Hospice KidCare?" I had never heard of them, but he connected us with them. We had no idea what they wanted from us. The thought of making larger burial garments for older kids was daunting. That was not at all what they were interested in. We discovered that most of the kids were wearing ugly hospital gowns and a diaper. And when a procedure was needed, the gown was hiked up exposing the naked body of the child. After several meetings and lots of discussion and trial and error, we came up with what looks like an Asian martial arts garment made of soft fabric, with strips of plastic snaps down the side of the top and at the shoulders. This way, the child is accessible for procedures and tubes but without the embarrassment of being bared in front of strangers. And the added benefit of going through an MRI without having to be changed (no metal in the garment). During the making of these, another Christmas came and we thought- what if we had volunteer Santas go to the homes of the kids on hospice and deliver their gifts in person! So, we rounded up four volunteer Santas, each with an elf assistant, and loaded up their cars with the gifts that hospice had gathered from the families wish lists. Two Santas (including my husband) spoke English and Spanish. Another was my totally crazy friend who heads up community cleanups and one was my six-foot three son and his male elf who was also around 6 feet tall and spoke mostly Korean. Between them, they covered four languages and most of Los Angeles. The families were thrilled to have Santa in person- especially because they came with an elf and a sense of humor. And my Santas had a renewed appreciation for their lives as they saw how these families struggled to make ends meet, when everything they had went into the care of these terminally ill children. It was a humbling experience. As I recall, we actually had to break into an apartment complex on Christmas night because the gates were locked and security was taking the night off. Santa HAD to deliver the gifts!

The Director of the Hospice Volunteers asked if we had ever heard of a game blanket. I researched and came up empty. Creating this would give purpose to those visiting sick kids and needing something to do while there. It was a challenging request. Not to be deterred, we designed and made game quilts for the kids- checkers/chess, tic-tac-toe, connect-four, a game where you move your man along a trail, and more. All game pieces were made of foam so no hard edges and the foam clung lightly to the quilt. The quilt fit the top of a single bed. Then we were told that the kids stop communicating at some point. How many times can you be asked "How do you feel" before turning off and tuning out? So, my brain got to thinking- how can we pull them out of themselves again. Ah-ha! Our kids at summer Art Camp created a coloring book- kids ages 5-17- created line drawings for their anonymous "friends" on hospice. Between doing art projects, they would peel broken crayons donated by local schools (some 75 lbs. of them!) and sort them into different color bowls. These were then melted into animal or sea creature shapes and placed in circus wagon boxes as an accompaniment to the coloring books. The older kids might not be interested in a coloring book, so we also created an Art Journal with prompts on each page. Starting with gross foods they have eaten, the journal progresses into picking their brains and by the end they are sharing their thoughts. The parents, when the child passes, have a permanent remembrance of their thoughts and art.

In March, everything was shut down due to Covid. Everyone needed masks. Again, we gathered the community together and over the next six months, made 6,500 masks, with replaceable filters, and gave them away- hospitals, clinics, LAPD, Twin Towers Jail, US Navy in San Diego, Chamber of Commerce, Meals on Wheels, Navajo Nation in Arizona, Skid Row- and so many more. People donated fabric. We cut it up and made packets of mask kits. Mask kits were picked up from a table at the bottom of the stairs of our studio and completed masks were returned there as well. Everything was in plastic bags and sanitized. Only one assistant was permitted in the studio to help with the prep.

The dilemma about how to get the baby gowns made during Covid was a different twist. Normally, we would meet on the 3rd Saturday of each month and create the gowns. Because we were not permitted to meet in person, we had our volunteers sign up for a specific task, then they were placed on a "team", kind of like a progressive dinner party. The first person got the pattern and fabric to cut out the gowns. They then took the packet to person #2 and texted them after delivery to their door. That person sewed the bodies of the dresses together, then delivered to person #3. They did all the handwork, embellishing, putting the angel at the neck, then delivered to #4 who then added the insert packet with the gifts for the parents and completed the packaging. Not a perfect system, but necessary for the time. We were able to ensure that the hospitals needs were covered even during Covid.

Then, Christmas came around yet again. This time, not only did we have Covid restrictions in place, but our police department had been defunded. Refused permission to deliver gifts to the Hospice kids, we looked for a way to give back to the community that supported us. Our group hired another group- Beacon House- which is an amazingly effective rehabilitation center- to cater a lunch for the 300+ employees of the local LAPD on Christmas Eve Day. Our volunteers sewed over 300+ satin bags and filled them with candy and cookies and goodies for the officers. Now we had scraps of satin left and we don't like to waste anything. One of our volunteers created a little wing made of the scrap satin, and we embellished the wings she made with lace and pearls for people to hang on their Christmas trees. She was filled with inspiration, so she created tree topper angels made from the tulle underskirts of the wedding dresses. Even the little buttons from the dresses were used on the vest portion of the gowns for baby boys.

We just closed out 2021- and again, it was filled with growth and unexpected turns. We were given a grant from a local neighborhood council to teach CPR and Stop The Bleed classes. They are run concurrently on the same day and switch students halfway so that everyone is certified in both courses by the end of the day. The classes are free to the public thanks to the grant. We will soon be offering a course on Safe Sleep Practices through the SIDS foundation to help prevent baby deaths, especially from co-sleeping. We are also working with the LA County Crisis Response Team who are called when a baby passes from SIDS or co-sleeping. Our mission has grown from supporting grieving parents in their darkest time to preventing baby deaths, where possible. We will also be working with homes for unwed mothers needing support and are working towards teaching sewing skills to them (as well as youth at risk and incarcerated youth). One thing youth at risk and incarcerated youth lack is compassion. This is teaching compassion on a different level. And it gives them a skill they can use in life.

In October, we provided the hospice kids with bright bags saying "WHAM!" "POW!", filled with satin capes and masks, glitter glue to decorate them with, stickers and some yummies so they could feel included on an occasion when most kids are out having a fun evening. November, we made Thanksgiving gnomes from socks that said, "Give Thanks". December we once again decided to give back to the community so purchased all items for our annual Christmas party from local restaurants and shops and made donations to two other nonprofits in town. Of course, we had to make it fun. All attendees were teamed with at least one other volunteer and sent on a scavenger hunt to retrieve the items from the restaurants. The twist was they had to DO something to get the item- like dance around a table singing "Jingle Bells" or recite the Pledge of Allegiance. Then they were given the item PLUS an envelope containing puzzle pieces. Once back at the studio, the teams were either Blue or Purple, according to the puzzle pieces. And- the race was on to complete the team puzzle first!

As 2022 gets underway, we are already into our projects and developing more. The hospice kids got finger puppets for January, and a volunteer is making hanging hearts for each child's room for February. March will be donated coloring books from around the world from another nonprofit. At the moment, our studio is a sea of white satin and lace from the last "sew" where we deconstructed over a dozen wedding dresses. Like the Tribbles on an early Star Trek episode, they keep multiplying. There are currently over 500 dresses hanging on racks or bundled into large protective bags.

Everything we do is free. We survive on grants and donations. And the love and hard work of tireless volunteers. One person can make a difference. A group of people can make a bigger difference. I truly believe that we make a quiet but significant difference in the community, especially in the lives of grieving parents and families struggling with the care of a terminally ill child..