Postpartum anxiety

I have never been diagnosed with anxiety but I've always thought I had it. Then reading you can develop postpartum anxiety I strongly believe I have it. Ever since I had my baby things have changed big time. Driving, going places and even just everyday things feel so different. Let's start with when I'm driving. When he is is the car with me I always feel like cars are going to hit us. I feel this way so strongly that I change lanes when a car is near me. For the first month I always had him in the car with me when I went somewhere so I thought it was only because I had him with me but now that I'm back to work I still have this problem when I drive alone. I guess when I'm alone I get worried something will happen to me and he will grow up without a mom. When we go out I get worried someone will take him or try and hurt me while I'm bent over trying to get him out of the car. When it's dark I have these same emotions with the added fact I feel I'll get robbed because I know moms are a big target. Even when we are home alone though I still have issues it's like I can't escape it. When we are home I try to get things done while he is sleeping but everytime I start to do something I always seem to hear him cry. He never is though! Even when my boyfriend is home and I know the baby is in safe hands while I take a shower all I hear is him screaming at the top of his lungs but yet again he never is. I never realized being a mom is hard. It's not the mom part that's hard though it's all the different problems we can develop after giving birth. We can even develop them while we are pregnant. I ended up developing depression while I was pregnant so when they gave me the depression test at the hospital they wanted to put me on meds. After I had my baby though and saw how my boyfriend was with him everything went back to normal. I think I developed it because people don't realize even if everyone is around you that it's still possible to feel alone. That was my problem I was always with my boyfriend but yet I always felt alone and it felt terrible. I had never felt like that before and I never understood why I did. I did some research and found out being pregnant reallt does change so much with your body. That made me realize it was normal and a lot of moms go through the same thing. It made me feel a lot better. The only thing I regret is not talking to anyone about it and just trying to deal with it on my own. That's why now that I think I have postpartum anxiety I made sure I talked to someone. I talked to a couple family members and they think I should go see a professional. I didn't really like this advice because I don't want to be put on meds. There is nothing wrong with that but for me I get worried it will make me someone I don't like. I have finally found happiness with myself and I don't want to change that or lose the person I have finally grown to love. It's a hard desison but everyone has to write their own story. Enough about me though what's your story?