My Personal Hell

I do not presume to know the stories of any of the other 200,000+ families that have lost a loved one to Coronavirus. Nor do I intend to depreciate their feelings or sentiments. I do, however, sympathize with each and every one of you. We have gone through hell. And this one is mine.

For my family, it all started back in April. At a time when, to be honest, we didn’t realize how severe Covid-19 would become. We live here in Florida; however, we are not natives. I have heard on more than one occasion, that Florida has been called, “God’s Waiting Room”. I never realized until now how true that is.

April 3rd was my Grandfather’s 95th birthday. At the time, he was living here in my Mother and Stepfather’s home. Myself and my daughter moved in with them a number of years ago. My grandfather had Alzheimer’s and my mother did everything she could to be sure that her father never had to go into a nursing home. She took excellent care of him. We all pitched in.

For his birthday we had a small, intimate party. Just the household members in attendance and his other daughter Ruthann who happened to live here in Florida as well. We had a great time. We laughed and ate and celebrated.

The next morning Aunt Ruthann wasn’t feeling well. She was having issues breathing and started having fevers. She was brought to the hospital and apparently was tested for the Coronavirus, for which she tested positive.

The Health Department was notified, and we were contacted due to the contact tracing they had researched. My Mom and Stepfather were sent for testing. My Mother tested Negative and my Stepfather Positive. He, my Stepfather, had to quarantine in their bedroom and my mother slept on the couch or her easy chair. Where she slept most nights anyway. She could never get comfortable in a regular bed.

By this time my Aunt was put on a ventilator and on April 7th passed away. We were devastated. It had happened so fast.

About the third week of April, my Mother started developing symptoms. Headaches, fever, and some shortness of breath. She asked to be retested for the virus. Again, she was negative.

Finally, one evening of that same week, her fevers shot up over 104 degrees and the thermometer was still climbing. I decided that was it. I told her I was calling EMS. My stepfather was still in quarantine in their bedroom. My grandfather was doing fine. We stayed distant from him as much as possible and when we did have to get close to bathe or help him get changed, dressed or eat, we wore masks and gloves. My daughter, who was 8 at the time. Had no symptoms and stayed to our portion of the house as much as possible.

My Stepfather was in tears when I told him I had to call EMS for Mom, he was so worried and knew that he couldn’t go with her because he was Positive for Covid. They took Mom to the hospital and she was tested immediately for Covid. When the results came back, she was definitely Positive. They believe the first two tests were false Negatives.

Of course, we panicked, just losing her sister, My Aunt, scared everyone. It was so difficult that we could not go see her at the hospital.

The next morning, I awoke to feel absolutely lousy. It felt like I had the Flu. I had a fever, which registered a little over 103 degrees. Also, my grandfather was not feeling well. It was decided that I and my grandfather would go to the hospital to be sure we did not contract the virus.

They only kept me long enough to control my temperature and get me tested. Then they sent me right home. I did try to see my Mother, but they wouldn’t allow it. So, I had to leave the hospital without seeing my Mom. A couple of days later, I had received a call from the Health Department that I was in fact Positive for the Virus.

So now, My Aunt had passed, and now my Stepfather, my Mother and myself tested positive for the virus. So far, my grandfather tested Negative. Which surprised all of us because he was the only one with a lung disease. He was diagnosed many years ago with Interstitial Lung Disease.

My grandfather never came back to our home. It was determined that he needed to go into a facility until we all tested Negative. Since he was the only one left that did not have the virus. They decided not to test my daughter as they knew she would not tolerate it well.

Every day was different concerning my Mother. One day she was doing better, the next, not so good. One step forward, two steps back. We got to see her a few times via FaceTime, but it wasn’t the same as being able to go to the hospital and be with her. It was heartbreaking.

I had called my sister in Maine and asked her to be an advocate for Mom at the hospital when she first went in as I wasn’t able to handle it with caring for my stepfather, myself, and my daughter. All of us being in quarantine. She called the hospital several times a day and spoke to her Nurses and the Doctors caring for her. Mom was put on oxygen and then ultimately was put on the ventilator. My sister would update the entire family via Facebook and phone calls to the immediate family regarding Mom’s progress. We were begging everyone we knew in person and on Facebook to “Pray as hard as you have ever Prayed”. But no matter how hard we prayed she got worse.

Before she was put on the ventilator, I spoke to my Mom via FaceTime, I cried my heart out. I was so afraid for her, especially after losing her sister the same way. She kept saying, it’s alright, I will be fine. Well, she wasn’t fine. She couldn’t breathe and the medicines they were giving her either were not helping or seemed to make her worse. My sister was on a video call with her as they were about to put the ventilator in. She told her she loved her and that she would see her soon.

On April 24th, at 8:30 pm. We received the phone call from her Doctor at the hospital. Mom’s heart gave out and we lost her.

I couldn’t believe it! I was in shock. NO!! This can’t be! It’s a mistake. I was in such disbelief.

My Mom and Aunt both died at the hospital all alone. We were never allowed to visit. To add salt to the already gaping wounds, we were told that we could NOT have a regular funeral for Mom. Only 4 people would be allowed to attend. I was still positive, my Grandfather was now in a nursing home, and my Stepfather would have been the only one able to go. By this time, he was Negative.

After much deliberations between myself, my sister, and my stepfather, we decided to have Mom cremated.

Once my Grandfather was out of quarantine, (which the nursing home insisted on upon his arrival), His last remaining daughter Linda, flew down and took him home to Massachusetts where he was surrounded by the rest of the family when he finally passed away in June.

Losing my Aunt Ruthann, and my Mother to Covid-19 and my Grandfather because of the entire family contracting Covid-19 was my personal hell.