Empty Notebook, Heavy Box

The box had been in the corner of her sparsely furnished living room for weeks. Until today it had rested unopened, a constant reminder of her loss. Today she had carved out time to look at its contents and accept the reality it symbolized. Her uncle was gone. The one she had relied on for laughter, encouragement, inspiration had departed. He was no longer answering her calls or sending her notes. He was no longer filling her life with laughter and gentle teasing. Where his voice had spoken into her life now there was only bone chilling deep silence. Perhaps opening the box would somehow conjure his lively spirit. That might be a mistake. It would be an ornery spirit, one that would likely turn lights on or carry out pranks to keep her on her toes.

Today was the perfect day to open the box. All of her life she had wanted to be like him, to earn her doctorate and teach and write and learn. Today her tuition bill was due, a bill she could not afford. Additional loans were not an option. Today her dream died and joined her uncle as a painful memory. She was surrendering the fight. She was weary and had nowhere left to turn. Her life resembled the dust collecting on top of the carboard container.

The box was heavy. What could he have sent her? He knew he was dying. He told her the doctor kicked him out of hospice because he wasn’t dying fast enough while laughing that belly laugh that carried through the air and spread like a virus to others around him. She was sure he had sent books. He had taught her the joy of opening a crisp new cover and going on a journey. It would only be fitting that he left her with some of those books they had shared. His children had feverishly and greedily fought over his earthly belongings while he was still alive, earmarking things they wanted after his demise. He had purposefully set aside this one box and addressed it to be sent upon his death. She felt a twinge of sorrow for his children who would not know the joy of receiving a gift from him, a physical token of all the intangibles of a connection shared in life.

Tears welled as she pulled open the tape at the corner of the flaps. So much loss. She felt very alone. He was her family, had been most of her adult life. Her whole life was in this box. As the flaps fell open she saw a stack of books as she had suspected. On top was a black notebook, a small black journal. She had not known him as a young man but would not have been surprised to learn he had kept a little black book full of romantic interests. The thought lifted her spirits. Her dear uncle was gone, and he had selected his little black book as the token to share with her. That would be just like him, quirky and unexpected.

The black notebook was more of a journal, with empty pages. Her uncle likely meant for it to symbolize a future to be filled. Today it felt like a mirror reflecting the emptiness she felt. She remembered their conversations and thought perhaps he had jotted a note of encouragement or farewell on a page, so she leafed through. A $1000 bill fell from the back cover as she did so. It fluttered to the floor. It had to be fake. Did they even make bills that large? What was he up to now? She set it aside.

She worked her way through the stack of books. Nothing remarkable. She did not recognize the titles. Most were about her uncle’s passion for poetry and botany. She chose one and opened the cover to smell it, to see if it smelled of his home. Another bill fell to the floor. She started opening the books and the bills fell from the pages. When all the books had been opened and the box was empty there was $20,000 on her living room floor. As she scooped up the bills and organized them in a tidy pile she wept. Her uncle had known her tuition would be due. Her uncle had wanted her to realize her dream. Her uncle had wanted a legacy. She had never really been alone.

She placed the books on her shelf and left the black journal on her table to be filled with stories of her uncle. She gathered herself and the money she now had, closed the empty box and headed out the door to pay her tuition and secure her future.