Celebrating Accomplishments

People in your life that you care about can have an incredible impact on the way you think of yourself. As a child, your self worth is determined by what your parents say to you, what they put into your mind. This becomes your way of thinking; positive or negative, their words are powerful. When I was growing up, I heard both positive and negative words. The words that formed how I viewed myself were from the people most important in my life at the time. These were my divorced parents. Many positive words of encouragement came from my mom; however, as a young child I called myself a “daddy’s girl” and overlooked my mom’s positive words. My father, on the other hand, fed my mind negativity and self doubt. I grew up as a child trying to please him by doing sports and getting good grades. I remember him being supportive of me playing baseball and coming to a few of my games. When I started following my own path and taking up passions I was interested in, he seemed disappointed. I would show him my drawings and he would be impressed, but at the same time would tell me I needed to do a school sport. It was past the point of encouragement. It was overlooking the talent I have and trying to get me to do something he wanted. It was hurtful for me, growing up believing he was not proud of me. Entering high school my grades began to slip slightly; from straight A’s to A’s and B’s. I believe this was caused by overworking myself and ignoring my mental health, which I noticed began to decline. My father began to comment on how I needed to get my grades up and B’s were not good enough. It got far enough to the point he was checking my A’s to see how low the percentage was. I would talk to my mom about the things my father was telling me. She reassured me I was doing amazing and to keep up my hard work, but my father’s words stuck to my brain like a leech, sucking out all the self appreciation and pride I had. I knew I had to get away from him when I realized what he was doing to my mental health. At sixteen, I stopped visiting my dad. It was clear to me that my mom and step dad had been there for me more than my father. Throughout high school I neglected the importance of my achievements because I felt I was not good enough. My junior year I made a painting that got into my town’s college art show. My mom and step dad were very proud of me, but I wasn’t proud of myself. I could hear my thoughts telling me my art wasn’t good enough to be in the show. That I wasn’t worthy of this achievement. I was worthy. I deserved to have my art seen by everyone and I still do. At the time, I couldn’t see the accomplishment. I spent the night after the art show crying and thinking about my peers' amazing art. I thought mine didn’t deserve to be shown with theirs. Looking back, I wish I could have overcome the negative thoughts planted into my head: then I could have enjoyed the feeling of being proud and celebrating. Now, I am starting to recognize my worth. My goal for this year, 2021, is to improve my self appreciation. Remembering my past accomplishments and realizing how far I’ve really come has helped. While also recognizing current achievements. I have accomplished so many things and have been through many hardships, which I believe have led me to be the person I was meant to be. I am proud of myself and who I am. I hope you are too.