Are You Fighting for Custody? 6 Actions That Can Sabotage Your Case

When I got divorced, I knew without a doubt that I had to get custody of my kids. My ex-husband was not capable of taking care of them on a regular basis. Honestly, I didn’t think he was even capable of taking care of them on weekends.

Fortunately, our circumstances ensured I got custody and he only got supervised visits — visits he eventually stopped using. But here’s the thing: if I had behaved differently, I could very easily have convinced a judge that I was not the best parent for my children.

One of the most painful parts of your divorce may be facing the possibility of losing custody of your kids. You think you’ll do anything — legal or illegal, ethical or not — to protect your kids and get custody. If you’re in a custody battle, it’s crucial to avoid any actions — both in and outside of court — that may turn the tables against you.

Be careful to avoid these mistakes that can sabotage your case:

Ignoring your visitations

The court system pays careful attention to parent behavior during the custody trials.

If you aren’t using your visitations, then the courts may question your dedication to the children. They may ask questions about why you want custody if you aren’t spending any time with the kids.

And if you have temporary custody? Make sure you aren’t denying your ex their visitations. Even if you know your ex won’t show up, be at the designated location for drop-offs or visitations. This shows the court you are doing your part to facilitate the relationship between parent and child.

If an emergency comes up and prevents visitation, document it carefully to ensure the court can see that it was an out of the ordinary circumstance.

Threatening your ex

The court system takes threats seriously, and you may not be aware that your ex is recording every conversation. Even if they’re not recording, others may overhear or the judge may believe their word over yours

During a custody battle, it’s important to act civilized and avoid threatening your previous partner. These types of threats may range from physical to emotional harm. The courts won’t give you custody if they think you’re dangerous.

Be mindful of all of your conversations and interactions. They can be recorded and used against you during the custody trial.

If you struggle to control yourself, consider having all interactions and conversations go through text, email, or other written form of communication. This will slow you do, make you think more carefully about what you say, and give you verifiable proof of what you said or didn’t say.

Physical confrontations

Avoid physical confrontations that can escalate and lead to violence. Your ex can make you angry, but you must demonstrate self-control and learn how to handle the frustration without outbursts or aggression.

If violence was part of your marriage, taking witnesses with you to visitations or custody exchanges and meeting in public places can reduce the chances of your ex getting violent with you.

Moving in with a new partner

You may be eager to start your new life but moving in with a new partner can sabotage your custody battle.

Since you’re still in the middle of a divorce, moving in with a partner can be viewed negatively by the courts. It can appear as though your new relationship began before your marriage ended. It can also look like you are moving too quickly and bringing someone you don’t know well around your children.

The courts want to see parents who are dedicated to their children. If you’re involved in a new romance, they may wonder how much time you plan to spend with the kids.

If you’re ready to start dating, keep it discreet and away from the kids until your custody fight is resolved.

Criticizing your ex in front of others

Divorce and custody proceedings can be filled with anger, animosity, and frustration. However, it’s important to avoid criticizing your previous partner in front of others because it can backfire. They may use the criticism they hear against you, even if your criticism is justified.

Your friends, family, and others may provide testimony about the way you treat your ex. Remember that even the people you trust the most can be compelled by the court to testify under oath about things they’ve heard you say. Keep the criticism, justified or not, to yourself. Put it in your journal or a therapist (doctor-patient confidentiality protects this relationship) if you need to get it off your chest but avoid sharing it with others.

Refusing to pay child support

Even if you’re in the middle of a custody battle to take the children from your ex, you must continue to pay child support. You can violate multiple laws by not paying child support. You may even end up in jail.

Courts prefer to see parents who are complying with the law and providing for their children. You may be angry about sending child support to your ex because of the way it’s spent. However, it’s still important to do it since it provides for your children.

If you stop paying child support, then the courts may view this as irresponsible and disrespectful behavior. It can sabotage your entire case and legal battle.

Custody battles can be complex and messy, so it’s easy to sabotage them. Learn to avoid the common mistakes that create challenges and you’ll have a stronger case.

I’m Wendy Miller. I’m a freelance writer and self-care expert who helps people find their way in our modern world. I’ve been published on Her Track, Tiny Beans, and Thought Catalog. My work has been read by people from all over the world. I offer advice to parents on parenting, how to find relationships that work for them, and how to take care of themselves — because we’re all a work in progress!

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