Am I crazy for doing this again?

I know, I know, my last journey was kind of a crazy ride last time. With the death of my husband and my first c-section... But I knew I was going to do this whole process again before I was officially pregnant with my first journey. The plan was to make a sibling for my first surro babe, a second child for my first IPs. I didn't know the journey I would have to take to get to this point of my second journey. Let me start from the beginning.

Just after I gave birth it was time to recover. I had a rough first two weeks after birth. Not from the c-section, it's self. I had a blip where my Blood Pressure was high. It was manageable with medication and it went away 2 weeks Post Partum. I recovered from the C-section without complications. The incision healed beautifully. Which I believe was from the vacuum seal contraption the doctors covered over my incision. I was also in bed with cuffs on my legs, that would inflate and squeeze my legs to help with circulation. I did not sleep much in the hospital with all the distractions. Finally, it was time to go home and finish my recovery.

I was home with my 7 yr old and 5 yr old 3 days postpartum from C-section. Dealing with a whole new world of emotions I was bottling up during the pregnancy. I am aware that isn't healthy but I was trying to limit my stress for the baby. My oldest son was verbally starting to work out his emotions from his father's death. My daughter was at the Anger stage of her grief. She was so young when he died. Her only memories that stuck were the ones where he was disciplining her and when he would raise his voice. In her young mind, she hated this man she was supposed to love and call her dad. For a very long time she 'hated him'. My kids, mainly my son as my daughter was too young they said, were put into Counselling. With the school and also a local group in the summer. We all benefited from it. We went through a few counsellors as it was just interns in school who were taking us. Before the storm we know as Covid, Mutually we stopped using their service.

Covid hit with a BANG! I started dating the first person after his death just before the announcement of covid. During the first lockdown, we ended things. It was now more about my healing and helping the kids. With covid, we had to put my second journey for their sibling on hold. Little did I know how much covid had flipped my life upside down, I wasn't handling covid stress, along with my grief and the grief of others. I went back to counselling (by phone) once the first lockdown slowed down.

Just as I was starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I was feeling much better in all aspects of my life. The flu started to run ramped through our house. We all got tested for covid, and it was NEGATIVE. I slowly started to lose control of what I had accomplished BUT mostly was feeling okay mentally and emotionally. We had experienced the learning from home during the lockdown, which wash a sh*t show. So I was not excited to do remote learning because my son's class had close contact. My son was not for it and struggled. I again fell behind on some things. After he went back to in-class we thought we saw a light at the end of the tunnel with spring approaching. Little did we know this was only the beginning.

Summer was coming again, I was called into the school to talk to my son's teachers. They wanted to have him tested for ADHD. At the same time, my second journey was pushed back. We took the time to enjoy our summer, as much as we could. As our family doctor's office was still working on covid rules, we had to find another way to try to get his diagnosis. We found a walk-in clinic and it just so happened to be a Dr. who works with children and adults who have ADHD. We were very lucky we got the forms to fill out but had to wait for the teachers during the new school year to fill out theirs. We had a diagnosis by October. I went to the school to give them this diagnosis. Again my journey was pushed back for reasons other than covid. (which I will not be sharing for their privacy)

The doctor wanted Psychoeducational Counselling. It was now Fall 2021, the past few years were a blur. I was able to get my son into his Psychoeducational Counselling quicker than I expected. I was called by mid-November for a phone assessment and by the beginning of December, we had our first in-person assessment. The doctor also had us start medication after the Christmas break for my son.

It was mid-December. I found out again my second journey was pushed back to Possibly January for a sibling journey. I was defeated. I wanted to do another journey. I signed back up anyway, I started to fill out the forms and start the process. I looked at profiles, not expecting to find anything right away but I did find one couple I found interesting. We began the dating period over the Christmas/New Year's Holidays. I did ask them if they wanted me to be their surrogate, they didn't feel the connection they needed. We decided not to go any further. They are great men and I only wish them the best in their future.

After school started for my kids after the Christmas break. I started to look at more profiles of IPs. It didn't take that long until I came across my current IFs (the French Dads). We started talking and I felt I wanted to be their surrogate right away. They felt the same. We were so excited to start our journey together. We talked practically every day, I felt close to them like I had known them a long time.

It started getting real. I was getting emails from the lawyer and the clinic. I let the lawyers know what I expected so they could get the contact going as soon as I am medically cleared. The clinic contacted me mid/end January to book screening. It was on like Donkey Kong... one month until screening. I had help with the agency's travel coordinator to book my flight and hotel. The month flew by and before I knew it it was time to go to Toronto.

I arrived the evening before. I checked into the hotel with a fellow surrogate who travelled out from the same city (she had her own room). The next day bright and early I got ready for my appt. It happened so fast and was like a blur. the appts happened so quick. I had very little wait/downtime. I was told to expect to be there for 3-4hrs. I was only there 2hrs. I was then free to do what I wanted (within reason) until we flew out the next day.

It is now almost two weeks and I had been told all the tests they had already were good with no concerns. All we are waiting on is my PAP test results. Once they have those I will be medically cleared but they said it could take 8 weeks...

I have added the vlog from my medical screening. As soon as I get the official results I will update you all! :D