Narcissistic Personality Disorder 2023 Narcissistic Personality Traits affecting human behaviour – A pathological and psychological phenomenon: Changes in the Brain leading to the perpetration of Intimate Partner Violence Dr Shazia Naqib

This book is being written specially to support women who face different challenges in life, especially the ones who have gone through a divorce or are going through it. Women who experience domestic violence and toxic abusive narcissistic relationships. It starts with the Golden period of my life, my childhood. I grew up in the small, beautiful town of Wah Cantt., in Pakistan. It was my dreamland where I spent a carefree life away from the real worries of this world. Everything seemed to be amazing, playful, and lovely. I used to play outside, climb on trees, pick, and eat guavas like a parrot, used to watch parrots eating guavas in my home garden. The days were lovely. My school was lovely, l loved walking to my school every day. I was a very bright student getting awards for being an all-around best student every year. I loved listening to music, singing on stage, painting, drawing, and sports like netball, physical education, badminton, table tennis and board games. All were my favourite sports. I used to fly kites and play cricket and hockey with other children in my neighbourhood. I was full of energy and passion for life. I learnt cycling by myself, on my dad’s bicycle, which was my happiest moment. I was my mum’s favourite l guess, I used to play badminton with her in our backyard. I made a lovely scrapbook. My mum wrote in it that it was her dream to go to the US. Gradually, I started to become more youthful and energetic. I was one of my teacher’s and headteacher’s favourite students, being admired by the whole school. I had a best friend and many other friends. Life was free of all worries. I had 4 siblings and a mum and dad, a happy family. Some boys in my school had a crush on me. I was given the lady of the night award at my school party. I had a crush on a boy too. This was one of the best times of my life until I started college. I wanted to go to Lahore for my college studies, but my dad refused. I didn’t like the idea. The first wrong decision! I was sent to Rawalpindi Medical College to study medicine. The college was far from my home, an hour’s bus journey every day which I hated. Moreover, I didn’t like the college, it was overcrowded with much less space around. This affected my studies and my interest in medical studies deteriorated, but I still finished my studies. Forgot to mention, that I got engaged when I was 21, during my medical studies (the second wrong decision!) with my first cousin who used to live in Paris, France. He came for 4 days to my home and proposed to me. He was a stranger to me. I was supposed to go to Paris after I complete my studies and house job. A long wait before I got married to him and went to Paris finally, just to come back after a month, as it didn’t work at all. It was a horrible experience in my life. Then started the twists and turns in my life. I came back to Wah Cantt. and my mother could not accept this reality. She started to blame me for everything. I left my home because l could not tolerate my mother’s behaviour and the society where I lived was very backwards thinking. Our culture did not like the word divorce! I was divorced after a very long time after my return. He delayed the divorce. I got a job on a contract basis in Murree, where I lived an independent life. But l saw the bad side of our society where men think they can do whatever they want. They think that it’s their world. Society is male-dominant, where men treat women and children as objects or as their property so that they can use them for their benefit. Marriage is an institution for them and just a piece of paper. I condemn this type of abnormal thinking and challenge this cultural norm. This type of thinking will ruin our future generations.

The need is to bring change and awareness in our society and make a difference in people’s lives. The need is to enlighten and broaden their vision, to lighten their hearts and souls so that they can enjoy the blissfulness and joyfulness of life. So that our future generations can be their true selves with a full-fledged life blooming within them. After a year and a half, I left that job and went to get a job in Lahore and lived in a women’s hostel. I did different jobs in Lahore. During this time my dad died from Parkinson’s disease. After 2 to 3 yrs my mum called me back home and got me married to another stranger when I was 30, who had lots of money and lived in the UK. I agreed as I wanted to get out of Pakistan somehow. I didn’t want to stay in that backward culture anymore. From the first day of my marriage l knew that I was trapped in another fake and fraudulent marriage and that something was not right from the very beginning. I was asked to sign a pre-nuptial agreement before coming to the UK, which I did. My second marriage was a nightmare, a horrible experience of living on eggshells from day one. But I did not realise it fully until after 15 yrs when I got separated and divorced. The only beautiful part was that I became the mother of two beautiful children/boys, during this time whom I adore. My children are lovely, and I adore them. They are the magic and miracles of my life. My second marriage leading to divorce was indeed the worst experience of my life. I didn’t know that I was married to a Narcissist and a stranger, who I never knew despite spending 15 yrs with him. I knew from day one that there was something wrong but was never able to figure out what it was until after 15 yrs of continuous and subtle mental trauma and abuse. It was like slow poisoning, I was being robbed of my soul and my very own nature, integrity, and personality. I became a completely different person because of this relationship. Slowly, steadily, and unconsciously the relationship turned into a very toxic, abusive one with the involvement of domestic violence…………TO BE CONTINUED

Narcissistic Personality Disorder Narcissistic Personality Traits affecting human behaviour – A pathological and psychological phenomenon: Changes in the Brain leading to the perpetration of Intimate Partner Violence

By Dr Shazia Naqib