Ice Swimming

I’m bracing myself.

Eyes closed.

Deep breath in –

Deep breath out.

I open my eyes, gaze towards my bare toes. Standing on a black sand beach, toes digging into the ground, just centimetres apart from the shore of a crystal-clear lake. Soft waves trying to touch me but shying away whenever they get close.

The soft, swishing sounds of the waves in perfect unison with a gentle breeze drifting through the trees and shaking their leaves. My gaze lifts and glides over the deep blue surface of the lake. A blurry mirror reflecting the surrounding forest and high snow-capped mountains in the background. Peaks perfectly blending into the light morning sky.

Sun is rising, slowly glimpsing over the mountains and then – faster and faster it rises. Its first rays are racing down the mountains, into the forest, colouring every leaf in its own unique colour.

Without a break, the sunshine inches its way forward across the lake, highlighting each tiny wave and splash. Until it touches my toes, my feet. Connecting my being to the earth, transforming nature and my soul into their best selves.

My body knows what’s about to come. My mind is split.

My instincts already fear that first icy shock, the tension and halting breath. They tell me not to do it, it’s against all survival skills. Too cold. Too dangerous. My body will go into a sense of shock, trying to protect its most important body parts. Retrieving all body warmth from my limbs, sending it to the core. It knows about the pain, like one million needles being driven into every part of my body.

This sense, however, this fear is overpowered by the deep knowledge and certainty of what’s to come after. A feeling of freedom and pleasure. Freedom from my own mental barriers, freedom from conventions, freedom from thoughts and worries.

A feeling of strength and bravery. Strength of my body and its capabilities. Strength of myself not letting my fears win. Bravery by overcoming my comfort zone.

A feeling of refreshment and complete calmness of the mind. The icy shock taking over everything, emptying my mind and leaving me with a blank page I can start anew from.

Gently dipping my toes into the water and nothing can hold me back anymore.

One, two, three steps and then the dive. Giving myself entirely over to the elements.

My entire being screams to stop this and to get out of here. But I will not listen to it. I’m in the here and now. I start to peel off every layer of anxiety and self-doubt and let them drown one by own to the bottom of the lake. I shed the memories of yesterday and the worries of tomorrow. And what’s left over is the present and the present only.

The pain on my skin lessens, the needles slowly disappearing. And the longer I stay, the better I feel. A weightless sensation of floating in the sea, surrounded by pure nature. The coldness sharpens my senses and lets me hear a lonely bird singing its morning sun. High trees squeaking with each gust of wind, the sand shifting under the coming and receding waves.

I’m completely immersed and slowly feel my instincts returning to my soul. This feeling of gratitude entering my mind. Gratitude for this life, this earth, this body.

Gratitude for being able to experience these moments.

And once my mind is blank,

My body is revived,

My emotions are settled,

I step out again.

Refreshed and happy.

With drops of water on my body, now being bathed in the morning sun.