Are You a Bird Truther?

Birds are not real. Let’s get this out of the way now. They are hallucinations: a trick on the mind … proof of a society in decline.

Let’s talk sparrows for a minute. The photo above is not of Sparrows. They are pigeons. Lots of them. But let's talk sparrows for now. How many sparrows live around you? How many would you estimate you’ve seen in your life? How many would you calculate live in your state or this country? Thousands? Millions?

Recent studies estimate there are approximately 82 million house sparrows in the US and roughly 1.6 billion worldwide. They are among an estimated 50 billion birds in the world.

These are facts found in studies at Cornell University as well as many other studies out there. So what’s my point?

Back to the sparrows. There are 82 million of them. Yet, how many dead ones have you seen recently, if ever? Are they on your roof? Your driveway? Sidewalks, Backyard? Where? Maybe they bury their dead. Or when they know they are dying, do they fly to some secret place where they simply disappear?

This makes me wonder if they see the light at the end of a tunnel, fly toward it like a moth, and then “poof”! Gone! Now bear with me here. I’m not great with math, so follow closely.

If this were 82 million people, it would be safe to say we’d see a few bodies lying around, yes? But sparrows… where are they? Supposedly they have a lifespan of 3 years. So in a 3-year period, there should be approximately 82 million dead sparrows. Right? Yet there are no cemeteries in the trees, tree trunk burials, or mass graves… where the hell are they?

What about pigeons?? There are an estimated 400 million worldwide, and over a million in NYC alone. Did you know that a flock of 100 pigeons produces 4800 lbs of poop (guano) a year? Seriously.

This means an estimated 48,000,000 lbs of poop (guano) drop from the sky in NYC annually. Now that may pass for one of the Wonders of the World. Honestly, I’ve never wanted to live there anyway.

I do have a new marketing idea to replace “I Love NY.” Some ideas... “Got Guana?” or “I Guana Visit NY” t-shirt your parents brought home for you? Or maybe "My Dad Went to NY and All I Got Was a Got Guana". Should I contact the marketing department for NYC? Or just print and sell the shirts myself? Could be a nice little side hack.

I’ve been to NYC and have never witnessed such a mess as would be thought to exist from this article. Though I have seen piles of garbage as high as three stories between apartment buildings.

The City must either hide it or paint over all the poop everywhere. Maybe their City parks department molds it into park benches, park statues, or those ornate carvings on old buildings that are really hardened poop sculpted into the artistic decor.

You would think that with one million plus pigeons in the City, there would be bodies everywhere. They have a shelf life of 6 years, so there’s that. Do they fly out to sea and nose-dive into the ocean after seeing their reflections? I don’t know. I’m guessing. But they must go somewhere. Maybe they follow all the sparrows to some far-off place and disappear together. Doubtful. Sparrows are not good company. They chirp too much.

The truth is, and this is well-known among bird truthers, birds are simply a hallucination. What causes this is anyone’s guess. We see them because we think they are cute, pretty, and pleasant. I mean, if one is going to hallucinate, it might as well be pretty and cute, right? We don’t see them dead because hallucinations don’t die.

The one vexing question, and if you've been in NYC an obvious problem, is where the hell does all that poop come from and where is the City hiding it? I mean, we’re talking about 48 million lbs of poop every year. More and more, I like my little town with a population of 750. I have yet to see a pigeon too. And no dead birdie bodies anywhere.

The fact we are a nation caught in a mass hallucination is living (not dying) proof we are a nation in decline. MAGA baby. Maybe this applies to our government as well. Republicans believing they can come up with a platform America will like is a perfect example. Mass hallucination. They really aren’t there. Well, one could hope.

The reality is, instead we have a caring, educated, and honest government that truly is working for their pay and for the average American.

That was a joke.

They’re there, still riding the crazy train. That’s NOT a hallucination. But the birdies folks ... the birdies do not exist. Or NYC and every other major city in the world would be blanketed in birdie poop and birdie bodies.