Subject to parents - An adult child's saga

It is yet not a matter of past when children are considered the reformed reflection of their birth-givers aka, parents.

'Doctor would be a perfect occupation for you.'

'A lawyer is a good place to start if you want to be on the highest pedestal for judiciary.'

'Do you want to be an engineer? But it is not a job for girls.'

What else and how often have you heard such comments from you parents. For a detrimental world we live in, it is takes a lot of consideration to pin-point on a subject that for once catch our interest. Above that, the financial conditions of the parents/guardians and local opportunities paly a huge role in the future we are likely to opt for. But, if our dreams are further shadowed by parents' personal opinions, disregard of certain identities and their own long lost desires, it is almost impossible to survive.

Eventually, most of us do get sidetracked by the lack of support for our personal dreams and incline towards what our parents want for us. Over the years, it starts to feel like our our dream but the frustration that is was not, stays.

What else stays is the willingness to please. It is all we ever want, don't we? To make mommy and daddy proud. A goal that remains life-long however hard we try to convince ourselves against it. It is no fun when parents refuse to believe they have indeed treated their children like slaves, imposing their desires, favoring the interests of conventional society rather than that child they gave birth to.

If a child rather tell their friends they are gay rather than their parents, and rely on friends was support and security then; what was the purpose of parents? When we give birth, it is an unsaid oath to protect the little one, give them facility and security, while teaching them the ways of world. Rather, in a close proximity of my social circle, I have seen parents burden their children with their opinions, put the fear of societal expectations and unconsciously help them build a life that can only turn them to their parents.

Is this why it is so difficult to break this cycle of dysfunction? Once we disregard their opinions and refuse to coincide with how a society should and must work, we become the black sheep. Most writers are. We all start somewhere and, I started with posting my frustration in the world that I could not say to my parents. Is not easy to write about ones own life. It hasn't been for me at least. I fear a lot.

Most times is a wonder if my parents love me and all I feel is a false because I am the douche. I always worry if I am the problem and if I were the problem, I have accepted it no matter what. Dose wishing for a life where guardians don't hate us for not achieving what they had in mind count as a privilege? It is not the one I found in the sphere of my personal circle. There is always air of disappointment and a push that I must be trying harder to do what they want even though it is extremely difficult for me.

Over the years, my disappointment with myself has only increased and one reason is, I can't please my parents and, on a subconscious level I don't want to. I know their expectation lies in complete control of my life, desires and dreams and I must be careful in how far I let them be involved.

For most households, especially south Asian, taking control of their life is also not an easy task because apparently they are born to make their families proud. Some of us are forced to the shadows or our fellow, more dominant family members, not taught the skill to explore the world because (according to them) we are not smart enough and if we try, we are push down. It is also mostly true for women, which further lead to lack of women in the social structure. Lack of women outside the house has only led to crime against them.

Staying put in home won't save the child as they become adult, but exploring and learning the skill to help, collaborate and survive the world will.