A Break on the Moors

As always, I enjoy whatever you write. I totally agree with your lack of enthusiasm regarding the prompts. I would loathe using them to write a microfiction. Great effort under difficult circumstances ✅.

I feel you with the disappointment of prompts/genre! I did all the NYC challenges last year and kept getting ghost/horror or romance/rom-com. And it's hard to pour yourself into something you're just not feeling, especially with how little time you get for these ones. I think these can really be very subjective. I really enjoyed yours and I think it's very character driven which is something I struggle with so I'm instantly admiring the things I wish I could do. I sneaked peeks at the comments below. I didn't notice the "had" thing while reading but it stealing from the word count does make some sense. I actually liked that Melinda was more frustrated than scared. It was a refreshing take and I think that makes it more memorable too. I don't know if your feedback was like this but I know sometimes they give almost a wishlist of what they'd liked to have seen and some of it is pretty unrealistic for the word count. And I think you can publish the feedback if you want to. I never have but I seem to remember Kenny Penn publishing some. I'll have to check.

Hi Rachel, I am no connoisseur of ghost stories by any means so I can only go on how it read to me. Word limitation stories are always difficult to get the right balance into the story. It has to be introduced, expanded, and then come to its finale before you reach 250 words. It read well to me, but if I am being really picky, I would say the balance was heavily weighted to the introduction, and that robbed the available words for the juicy part.

I have competed in several NYC competitions over the years, mostly in the short story category, but once in the 250 one. I like the competitions because they are challenging and you receive feedback. I've only made it to round 2 once. I think this story will get some good feedback, but probably won't make it to round 2. But what do I know?

Seemed good to me, given the word count. The had didn't even bother me, but I know those and thats are an issue with most. lol

I like it. I don't like critiquing, so all I say is that I agree with what others said about the "hads." I'd have dropped them. Also, I wanted her to be afraid. It had to be had to do in 250 though. It's not really enough to build tension. However, overall I did like it.

Hey Rachel. Honestly I don't think there was much I would change. I think it's incredibly tough trying to create a believable story in 250 words. I've had longer shopping lists! I also didn't notice the word 'had' in the opening line. I think it really depends what the judges were looking for - if they wanted fantasy, sci fi or had something specific in mind, then you were never going to progress. It's incredibly subjective - that's the beauty/ bloody nightmare of creative stuff! I really like your character Melinda - perhaps you could have made her even more grumpy (I love the word hokum) but again, that would be hard with the word limits. I asked myself what I would have written if I'd entered (And the honest answer would have been 'nothing' because I wouldn't have the guts to enter) and maybe I would have done it as a review of the place she was staying. But again, that word count man! Anyway... I guess my question to you is.... Now you've had the feedback, is there anything you'd change about your piece? I think it was great and I think when you enter next year, you'll do well because you'll know what they're looking for. Well done Rachel.

250 words is not a whole lot for developing a compelling story, but I believe you did a great job with this challenge. I like your writing style, including the sentence fragments. They give the sense of having distinct slices of thought. The only thing I would suggest differently is to drop the word "had" the two times it appears in the first sentence. To me they are unnecessary & bog down the sentence, obstructing its flow.

I liked this story, the amount of "had" is a little tough for me, but I've also been trying personally to remove it from my writing so I'm lasered focused on it. It's interesting to m though as someone who loves reading your work, your normal showing instead of telling isn't here in this one. As a reader, I would have liked to see an example of Melinda's lack of belief in ghosts or how she did not scare easily. I've read this a few times, and I'm not sure that Melinda's progression to surrender lines up with the initial description of what I'm picking up as a staunch stance against the supernatural. But with such a short word count, that's tough. That said, you normally pack a lot of depth behind your sentences and don't often tell instead of show. Your characters tend to leap off the page even with short word counts. To me, this reads like you didn't want to do this or that it was a chore. And that makes sense! It's a bit of a dry, overused prompt. Anyway, hope that helps!! It was still a fun read :)

Very interesting and quiet nervous throughout story and well written

Your irritation with the prompt may have set the tone for the story. Your protagonist is irritated not scared. Your reveal lacks connection to the thoughts and emotions of your hero and consequently lands flat. I won’t pretend I have a solution. You’re far better at managing 250 words than I am. If I had that prompt I would not have been deflated, I would have despaired!

"The voices had started from the time that she had got there." Instead: "The voices started from the time she got there." You lose "that" and the "hads" and gain three words back toward your 250, which, I frankly agree, is far too little to pen an effective ghost tale. This technique was one thing that I overlooked for years, untill an editor eviscerated one of my stories and proved to me that it could be done. Nevertheless, this is well-wrought. But, especially knowing that, with just another hundred words or so, someone who mastered 366 words a day could have told us so much more, I would have liked to read it! One possible interpretation of their choice of Wuthering Heights, or anything else for that matter, would be that whatever the ghost chooses is pointless... they're always just messing with you, trying to feed off your fear, frustration, irritation. The important thing to the poltergeist is that you never get to relax...

Ghost stories ain't my thing either. It's so difficult to come up with a fresh concept for it. And it's even more difficult to make an old concept seem fresh. With that being said, I feel you did a good job here. Ermm, what's wrong with your sentences and the way you write? I feel they're stupendous! Judges, shmudges! I don't feel there's anything wrong with them. Only thing is, the storyline seemed a little cliché but like I said, ghost stories are soooo overdone and it's extremely difficult to come up with something new and pull it off in 250 words. I'm not saying your story is bad though because its really good. Okay now I feel like I'm rambling, lol