Would you do it for Love?

The chair groans as I push my back into it. The cool wood feels nice against my skin as the fan in our flat is broken. I hear my two siblings, Charlie and Louise, arguing about who gets the last slice of bread. The constant bickering forces me out of my calming state as I grab the slice and stuff it in my own mouth.

“There, now none of you get it” I say through a mouthful of food.

Louise starts yelling at me and Charlie starts to cry. Great, now I have made it worse.

“I want mum to come home now” Charlie tries to get out through his tears.

This is a regular night in our home. Mum is constantly going out for dates with this guy that none of us have met. Apparently, according to our mum he is the one … or whatever that means.

“She said she would be home at 9, so another 10 minutes Charlie”

This was a lie. It was already half past nine.

Bang! The front door leapt open and there she stood. Her lipstick worn off, a bottle of wine in her left hand and a pair of sunglasses in the other. Mother. She staggers into the room, grabbing onto whatever she can to keep her balance. Drunk.

“Hello MY children. Oh how our lives are about to change. Money, ahhh how wonderful it is”

Charlie sprints over to her and wraps his tiny arms around her legs. Of course he doesn’t notice, but mum was acting extremely strange. Never once has she spoken to us after her dates. Every time, like routine, she goes to her room, locks the door and listens to Forbidden Love by Madonna.

I hesitate before I ask “Are you okay mum?”

Her ice blue eyes look directly into mine and she simply smiles.

“Never better Gemma. Now off to bed all of you.”

The smile she gave me made me feel even more on edge by her behaviour. She was different. Scarily different.

Mum sat down at the table, put her sunnies on and drank the wine straight from the bottle. I knew something was wrong, and I didn’t want to be around her any longer. I quickly grabbed Louise and Charlie and took them to bed and then took myself to bed. A strange dream that’s all this was.

I couldn’t get to sleep. My pillow was too lumpy, my sheets too scratchy, my doona too hot and everything was just off.

Thump! A loud noise jerked me out of bed. Thump! It happened again and again. I crept to my window and peeked out onto the dark street. That’s when I saw her. The whiteness of her jacket was reflecting the moon’s light as she dragged this small, yet obviously heavy bag into our garage. She disappeared into the darkness. A coldness washed over me, and it wasn’t the breeze through the crack under the door. She appeared again. Her back facing me, rushing to the car. She ripped open the door and snatches out two objects. Two objects that look unusually similar to guns. Guns. My mum had two guns and a bag filled with god knows what, in the middle of the night. Why?

Mum whipped her head around and we locked eyes for a millisecond. I dropped to the ground, hitting my knees against the cold wooden floor and crawled back into my bed. A strange dream that’s all right?

The bright light from the sun seeped into my room waking me up. Mum. Guns. Thoughts from last night raced in my mind. I needed to find mum. I ran downstairs only to find a note from mum herself saying she had to go to work early. It’s Monday. She never works Monday. In her words Monday is just another Sunday. Charlie and Louise came downstairs dressed in their school uniforms which were breaking at the seams. School. I twisted my head to the clock. 10 minutes till school starts. I needed to find out what mum was doing last night. I sent Charlie and Louise to school saying I was too sick to go.

“Yeah right Gemma, too sick, sure” Louise sarcastically drawled at me, but still went anyway.

Once Charlie and Louise were gone I sprinted to the garage. Nothing seemed different. Nothing was out of place. Nothing was wrong. Yet I knew what I saw.

I walked around the garage, I checked under boxes and in between shelves. Nothing. Suddenly, I saw a row of three bricks in the wall that weren’t covered in dust, but everywhere else was. I leaned down and pushed them. The three bricks came loose and in the gap were the guns. The two new shiny guns. Along with the bag. The bag read rat poison. We don’t have rats. Under the guns was a book. A small black notebook. I snatched it and opened it. It was mum’s writing, three pages of writing. I read and read. I knew what I was reading but my mind wasn’t allowing me to believe it.

The man mum was dating was married. And he gave mum, last night 20 000 dollars. But that wasn’t the part that made me begin to cry. Tears, hot steamy tears began to run constantly down my face. Tears of betrayal, despair and anger clouded my eyes as I tore the pages from the book and ripped them into a million pieces.

Slam! I heard the car door shut outside the garage. Mum, she was home. I scrambled with the book and put it back under the guns. I heard the click of the front door. I shoved the bricks back into place and raced out of the garage through the door into the kitchen. Mum. She stood there at the front door. She was wearing a new coat. A designer coat. And new boots and a new hat. Everything she had on was new. And with her stood Charlie and Louise.

“Gemma why were you in the garage? And why are you crying?”

I chocked down tears and managed to get out “Sorry. Felt sick”.

Charlie merrily cheered “Mum took us out of school early, how cool!”

“Right well, I want you three to get dressed into these clothes I bought you, we are going to have a nice family lunch before I-“ Mum stopped talking mid-way through.

“Before what Mum, before what?” Yet I already knew. I was terrified.

“Get dressed now, all of you”

Louise, Charlie and I went into the bathroom and began to get changed. This was our only chance I thought. Our only chance to escape Mum. I grabbed Louise and Charlie in close.

“We need to get out of here now guys” I hurriedly whispered.

“What why?” They both whispered back. They knew I was serious.

“Because I found something today in a little black book. Mum she going to … to” I couldn’t get the words out. But I needed to switch off my emotions to get my siblings out of here safe.

“Mum is going to try and kill us”.

Louise and Charlies eyes instantly reflected my own fear.

“Wait what are you going on about” Louise frantically whispered

I told them what I found in the garage.

“Mums date guy gave her 20 000 dollars to get rid of us kids. It was the only way he was going to leave his wife to be with her” I spitted out like it was dirt.

“So mum chose him over her children” Louise weakly whispered. Tears began to swell in her eyes. Charlie didn’t truly understand but still was upset nonetheless.

“What is taking you three so long?” yelled mum.

“Quickly we need to get out the back door now”

Suddenly the door I was leaning against opened and my back slammed into the hard floor. I saw mum staring down at us. We weren’t dressed yet.

“I see you had a little exploration through the brick wall Gemma. I need him. I need him to survive. I have already taken the money.” Mum stated as if stating the weather report.

Her eyes were zoning in and out, she was on auto piolet. I knew that she would do it. She had never really been here with us as a mother.

“RUN” I screamed at Charlie and Louise.

Mum stamped her boot on my hair keeping me down and sprayed this stinging stuff into my eyes, then it went dark.

My eyelids felt heavy, my head felt groggy, my arms felt tight. Then memories. Mum. Guns. I snapped open my eyes. My legs and arms were tied to a chair, the rope pulling tightly against my skin causing it to burn. The chair was at the edge of a lake. A large deep lake. Charlie’s petrified screams and Louise’s crying filled my ears. I saw her. Mum standing in front of us in the same white jacket as the night before, except this time holding a gun to my face. I shrieked out for help and struggled against the ropes, but it was no use. She just continued to stand there. Staring blankly at us. Like we were strangers in her story. Her story which only included her and her lover. No children.

“Please Mum. Please. I don’t want to die. I can take Charlie and Louise and disappear. You don’t need to kill us! Please. Don’t” I screamed. Louise and Charlie pleaded as well, pleaded with their mother to save their lives.

Suddenly she spoke.

“Stop. Stop. Stop. This is the only way. I love him. You three are in the way. I need him to love me and this is the only way. I have used his money to do this. And STOP screaming no one will hear you, there’s no point.”

She pointed the gun at me. How could she do this? How? She wasn’t a loving mother, but we were her children. My tears stopped. Fear froze every bone, muscle, fibre in my body. I couldn’t move. This was it. I saw the bullet shoot out of the barrel hurtling towards its target, me. Darkness. Death.

My name is Elizabeth. I have killed my children. But I will have the love of my life with me only now.

I arrived at the door. The white, pristine, clean door of Paul’s home. It’s the morning after the children’s death.

“Paul. Oh Paul. I did it. I don’t have any children. It’s just me. Me and you now”

“Liz. What are you doing here at my house?! Come here now”

He yanked me around to the side of the house.

“How much of the 20 grand is left?”

“Nothing. I spent it. I needed to buy the guns and the things to put the plan into action. And I got a few extra things … I’ve never had so much money before Paul”

“You did it. You actually did it. Elizabeth you are insane!”

“You said it was the only thing keeping me from you, so I got rid of the problem and now you can be with me and I with you forever”

“Elizabeth, I am never going to leave the life I have here for you. But I don’t want you to leave me. I want you to myself. All to myself. You will always stay in the shadows of my life. But I want to be the only light in your life, not your children, not anyone. Only me. My own concubine”

My heart stopped. I killed my children for his own gain and not mine, as I will always just be a mistress to him. The money, the lies, everything a set up so that I could be his soul possession. But I would do it again, because I love him. And I would do anything for his love.